Think I should make a complaint - how do you think I should

[CarGirl]

We are using our workplace nursery playscheme during the school holidays.

dds are 5.5, 7.5 and nearly 9.

Dh collected them at the end of the day and the manager told him that the youngest had been naughty and seemed very angry about the incidence. when he commented that "we know she has her moments and is stubborn" her retort was "well I am too" Dh really wasn't sure why he was telling him because of the way she talked about it and how pissed off she was.

According to the older girls who I have asked individually and out of earshot of the others;

The manager was in a bad mood because the bird table got broken.

dd was swapping bowls with someone else because she didn't want that one and did accidently knock it off the table (I asked them was it def an accident and they said yes - not something they would lie about). dd then got shouted at and told she had to sit at the table until she stopped being upset/cross about being told of. She went and hid in the corner and didn't get anything to eat - this is a light "tea" that they get at 4.30.

So an hour later the manager was still clearly pissed off and IMO told my dd off for an accident in anger.

Dd now doesn't want to go again.

I am strict with my dds and she is used to being disciplined.

My CM was absolutely wonderful, always super calm with her mindees and wouldn't ever behave like this so my standards are high! dd has been told off at school and not been upset about it in this way.

Should I complain and how?

We were planning on using it again! Having serious 2nd thoughts though.

As the playscheme is based at the nursery, are they using the same policies/procedures as the nursery, or do they have their own? What were you given when you signed up for the playscheme? Have you seen their behaviour/discipline policy?

If you were to make a complaint, then you need to be very clear as to what it is that you are complaining about and if possible reference that against any policy that may exist - thus meaning you disagree with the policy, or that they didn't follow their policy. That then makes the complaint a procedural one, rather than aimed at an individual. The manager can then deal with the procedural complaint, even though they were the individual involved in the incident. You could make a complaint about the manager, but perhaps they were only following policy and finding out to whom you make such a complaint may be complicated (It's a workplace nursery, so who at work has ultimate control over the nursery?).

the nursery/playscheme is contracted out.

Do you think her behaviour/attitude is somewhat lacking or am I being unreasonable to expect them to never be angry and tell a child off wrongly and then still be pissed off and angry an hour later?

My dc did not break the bird table btw!

bump

Your dd was swapping a bowl with another child - did she ask anyone if she could do that?

She knocked a bowl on the floor (by accident) and got spoken to about that. Did the person respond appropriately... not really in my view, but I wasn't there and nor were you. So how do we know what really happened, what was said (in raised voice or otherwise).
Did you DD respond appropriately to being told off? Did she apologise? Did she offer to clean up the mess? We don't know do we. Sounds as though perhaps she didn't if she was then made to sit at the table until she stopped being cross. So perhaps DD reacted inappropriately to being told off. "we know she has her moments and is stubborn" - that sort of implies to me that your DD didn't respond appropriately, instead of offering an apology she did something else perhaps.

You are unreasonable to expect that staff would never get cross with a child. Staff may not see what goes on, only the result, so may jump to conclusions, so while a child may be told off for something that was an accident the child was still being careless, though not deliberately naughty.

What was DD pissed off about - being told off? Surely she has been told off by people, especially you in the past. So is that how she would normally react to being told off? You say that she wouldn't react that way at school. So is there more to this... is it perhaps a build up of things over time, during the course of the day which has then erupted.

Why does DD not want to go back... has she given you any reasons? Is she perhaps the youngest on the scheme, is she not doing things she likes, is she not getting as much attention as she might have expected. Are there other children there of her age who she likes?

It was the manager that was pissed off and speakingly angrily about the incident to dh - an hour later. My older dds have said she was in a "really bad mood about the bird table"

DD was very upset at not getting anything to eat (so had lunch at 12 and then nothing until we got home at 6.30pm) and for being told off for an accident.

Not sure if she is the youngest on the playscheme but the older ones from the nursery are in with the playscheme chidren for at least some of the time.

I am not upset about my dd being told off but it was the way the manager spoke about it to dh that arose his "suspicisions".

We suspect the manager told her off in an appropriate way ie angrily, because she was already in a bad mood - that is what we have an issue with, that the incident escalated because of the manager's bad mood. Dh is much more astute than me and he said the way the manager spoke about it just seemed really unprofessional and if she was that angry about the incidence an hour later, just exactly how was dd spoken to/told off?

The manager seems to be over reacting to knocking over a bowl. Can't see why DD was not offered replacement tea.

Suspect you may be right that the manager's mood affected how they handled the incident.

So what now? DD doesn't want to go again. Can she have the option of not going again?

Complaining to the manager may or may not make any difference. Could make things worse if DD goes back, as manager may have just taken a dislike to her and be on her case all the time, label her as being the stubborn child.

You could certainly complain about your DD not getting tea.
You can also complain about lack of following any disciplinary procedures they may have.

There is no alternative care and we have to pay for it all in advance so they have to go in tomorrow!

I think we will monitor it and hope she doesn't get labelled as the "naughty" one

My main concern tbh is how often does this happen in the nursery when there aren't older siblings to enlighten you. If this is the manager what else goes on

I really hope it's a one off and the manager isn't normally so well moody/angry???

I will be reminding dd that even when things are accidents we should say sorry and not be grumpy/stubborn. I suppose we know how to deal with her moods - zero tolerance and zero attention but not angrily. It sounds as though they later on encouraged her to come back and eat but she wouldn't so rewarded her stroppy reaction - argh!

The manager was on holiday last time they went and they absolutely loved it.

It really is only because of the way the manager spoke to dh that we were concerned, if we'd been told that she's been unco-operative after being told off and got in a strop and then wouldn't eat her snack in a calm explanation way we wouldn't have thought twice about it.

The manager was on holiday last time? Hmm, wonder how they can say "we know she has her moments and is stubborn".

Could older siblings keep an eye on her tomorrow at times they are together, check she is happy.

It was the father who said 'we know she has her moments and is stubborn'.

I'd ask your older child to keep an eye out today.
Explain in simple terms that your youngest needs them to check with her that she's ok.

They don't need to know the ins and outs, just that she's only little.

Hope all goes well.

Sally x

Sounds like she overreacted to me though of course its not easy to gauge from talking to children..(i know all of mine would stick together to back up each other and stop one of them being told off)

as a cm i think its a bit strange that she was 'angry' i am firm with mindees and they know where they stand but always calm... my own children are capable of making me angry but never a mindee as its a professional realationship..iycwim...

withholding 'tea' is a strange one although if children here dont sit down at the table they dont get fed so that might have been the reason..

also I have to add I dont allow children to change bowls, cups,spoons.. it causes all sorts of mayhem.. honestly... they get what they are given.. I actually have a red cup rota as they all want this one and no idea why!!!

i would ask to speak to the manager to sort this out sensibly and pehaps offer to pay for a new bird table tbh