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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

CMs - how would you react to this?

21 replies

AnnieLobePassoverSeder · 18/04/2011 18:55

If you had a child booked in for two half days from September in a village where CMs are at a premium so you had lots of business, but then the mum let you know that she had decided to use another CM instead because the child was familiar with the new CM, how would you react?

I ask because I'm the mum in question. I've used this CM in the past and DD2 was due to go back to her in Sept for the two sessions. All just by written agreement.

However, a good friend, who DD2 knows and loves, and who had a DS who is DD2's friend, is starting up as a CM. So it only makes sense to me to put DD2 in with someone she knows and trusts, in a house she's familiar with, and with a child she's friends with.

I have let the other CM know this as soon as I could so she could find a new mindee, and she's just completely freaked out at me about breaches of trust and how I wouldn't have done this if I'd paid a deposit and signed contracts.

Well, I would have. I want what's best for DD2 and, I think understandably, I'm placing her needs about the CM's!

It's not like this is a last-minute thing.

I think the CM is being very unprofessional by reacting so badly. I've offered to pay her the deposit anyway if it will help.

The problem is I have to see her at the school gates every morning. I hope she calms down. And my friend is hoping they'll be able to work together sometimes, so I hope this doesn't negatively influence their working relationship.

Would you freak out at a client who changed their minds months in advance?

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Original poster

AnnieLobePassoverSeder · 18/04/2011 18:55

Sorry, verbal agreement, not written.

OP posts:

jumpforjoy · 18/04/2011 19:09

If the CM is holding a place open for your DD then she should have completed a contract with you and asked your for a deposit. If you changed your mind then you would have lost the deposit, but as this hasn't happened then there shouldn't be any reason why she should be angry with you.

It is obviously distressing for the CM, but you have given her enough warning, and unfortunately this is one of the consequence of being a self employeed CM.

When I was a CM years ago, there were parents who seemed really interested, and you thought you were getting the work, when you then saw the child at school with a different CM. It isn't nice but does happen.

At the end of the day, you have to think what is right for your child.

cat64 · 18/04/2011 19:29

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster

AnnieLobePassoverSeder · 18/04/2011 20:09

Glad you agree with me! I didn't expect her to be pleased, but I didn't expect a verbal pasting from her either.

She cut down her hours drastically this year to spend more time with her DD, meaning that I've had to wait a year for her to have a place for my DD, but I understand that we all put our children first so while it was frustrating, it didn't occur to me to hold it against her. It seems that courtesy doesn't extend both ways.

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HSMM · 18/04/2011 20:09

She's probably more cross with herself than you. If she is a professional, she will not let this cause a problem.

moogster1a · 19/04/2011 06:51

A verbal agreement is a contract, Personally, I'd be peeved with the parent and would rant privately but chalk it up to experience.
I do think for the sake of 2 half days as the parent you morally should have stuck to the arrangement.
i wouldn't have a go at you though. I'd be professional and polite ( after all, you might need me at some point!)

Original poster

AnnieLobePassoverSeder · 19/04/2011 06:56

moogster - so you'd put your child in a care setting you didn't think was best for him/her just to placate a supposedly professional adult?

I've given her 5 months' notice. If DD was already with her, I'd only be expected to give 1 month's notice! So even if we did have a 'contract', I've given her a more than acceptable notice period IMO.

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frakyouveryverymuch · 19/04/2011 07:04

5 months notice, no deposit (or retainer) and no written contract? She doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Yes, she might feel let down or peeved or worried that it's a negative reflection on the care she's providing that you've decided to go with someone else but you've not done anything wrong.

moogster1a · 19/04/2011 07:32

Didn't notice the 5 months notice bit! In that case I'd still be peeved 'cos I'd lost a potential mindee but I guess would understand you want them with someone you know.

compo · 19/04/2011 07:37

She's being unprofessional
what if you'd been made redundant and no longer needed her
this things happen and she should have the sense to rant in private not in public
and if she is like this perhaps it's best for your friend not to work with her anyway!

Original poster

AnnieLobePassoverSeder · 19/04/2011 07:44

I have since been thinking that if she's unprofessional enough to rant at me because I put the needs of my child over her, then I'm not sure I want her as a childminder anyway.

TBH I wouldn't worry so much about her reaction; I'm confortable with my decision. But she's very much one of the alpha mummies of the village and I'm concerned she could make life difficult in other areas. Oh well.....

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ChippingInLovesEasterEggs · 19/04/2011 08:10

5 months notice to fill two half days, in an area where child minders are sought after and you had to wait a year to get a space - she's being ridiculous... and as you say, you'd only have had to have given a months notice if she had already started with her - you've given 5 times as much! Daft moo.

I can't believe she ranted at you about it and yes, I think it's better that you find out now she's not the one for you!

I honestly can't see how she can make a public fuss over this as I am very sure most other people would think she was bonkers! I guess she might find other ways of being a PITB but hey, she's the one who will end up looking petty if you just maintain a dignified attitude to it all. I hope she doesn't cause your friend any hassle - but if she does I'm sure you friend can rise above it too :)

Original poster

AnnieLobePassoverSeder · 19/04/2011 08:35

Thanks ladies, I'm pleased to see the general consensus is that while she's well within her rights to be annoyed (and I agree), that it's surprising that she made a big scene over it. As some of you have said, I might have needed her in the future, but wouldn't use her now under any circumstances. She's shot herself in the foot somewhat!

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sparkle12mar08 · 19/04/2011 08:56

At least now you know what to say if other mums ask for opinions on childminders in your area! Utterly unprofessional, and I wouldn't want friends of mine using her and being unaware of her histriionic tendancies...

pollywollyhadadollycalledmolly · 20/04/2011 14:21

I'd be upset if you had done that to me. She is probably upset with herself as well as she should have been charging a deposit or retainer fee as well as a signed contract. She probably wont make the same mistake again.

This happend to me. Parent didnt want to pay a retainer, so i told her i couldnt guarantee the space would be available. The week before settlign in sessions were due to start i contacted the parent to see when she wanted to come round for her only to tell me she didnt need me any more. Nice one! With a weeks notice. But hey. i'm a big girl! lol

At least you gave your cm lots off notice so she hopefully will fill the space b4 september.

I would just say that using your friend as a cm can sometimes be quite tricky. Personally as a cm i would never take on my friends kids.

HappyMummyOfOne · 20/04/2011 18:59

5 months notice is plenty. I'm sure she wouldnt have had to give you that much notice if the tables were reversed and she wanted to free up your space for a more lucrative child/hours.

thebody · 20/04/2011 19:33

well i would have got a retainer off you in the first place.. she should have dont the same thing.. things change and you gave her lots of notice.. just ignore and move on.. sure she will..

Original poster

AnnieLobePassoverSeder · 21/04/2011 08:33

The retainer is irrelevent anyway, I doubt she needs the money particularly and I would have made the same decision even if it meant I would lose the retainer.

She hasn't responded to my calm response to her ranty email. I guess she's in full-on sulk mode.

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pollywollyhadadollycalledmolly · 21/04/2011 15:58

She probably has nothing else to say to you.

teaka05 · 21/04/2011 16:35

Being a childminder it is slightly disappointing when you lose out but when the business is children there needs have to come above our desire to earn an income and you as a parent has to do what is right for your child. 5 months notice is more than enough to find someone else unfortunately when childminders behave this way they are giving others a bad name which is a shame.

ayla99 · 22/04/2011 14:57

I had a similar issue, where I held a space for a trusted and respected customer for several months but the parent - for personal reasons - had been unable to visit to confirm the paperwork.

I accept that she had no legal obligation to pay anything and she accepted that she had "messed me about" and caused me financial difficulty, so in the end she paid half of the deposit I should have requested in the first place and it was all quite amicable.

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