Did I do right to tell MB that I think her 5yo has dyslexia symptoms ?

[NannyNorthLlondon]

Hi...

Feeling :( right now.

Just told mb that I think her 5yo boy has dyslexia...
The boy also goes for therapy speech as he is stuttering quite a lot.
Today I did some research on Internet for the symptoms that he has: he is writing letters and numbers backwards( instead of 9 he does kind of p ,5 is the other way around etc); he is quite impulsive and doesn't like sitting down to do things; if you talk to him he doesn't react straight away

So researching I came across to dyslexia and decided to let mb know what I think. I did apologised to her for not researching a bit more and printing out a check list, which I was thinking to do, but I really don't have time for that as I am at work all day.

Now I regret that I've told her, the discussion was awkward and not really as I expected it.She told me that they tested him at school 2 times and only notice his speech problem and nothing else.
I am still really concerned about the way my charge is and wish I would've not over reacted and said to mb nothing today, but wait and do a checklist...

Wwyd if you were in my position now?
I don't think I'll ever open a discussion about it again :(
I had a really good relationship with mb until now but I have a feeling I won't be that open again

Sorry, but no, I don't think you were right to do this. Researching on the web doesn't make you an expert in dyslexia. I'm sure you were trying to help really, but it wasn't the right thing to do.

The 'symptons' you describe could relate to any normal 5 year old child. It might be OK to mention them, but not to jump to a dx!

You now have two choices:

• Apologise - say you were wrong to suggest this, you were out of order, and that it was none of your business to 'diagnose' him

or

• don't mention it again, and hope that it blows over, but I suspect the damage ahs been done now - sorry....

I would have kept quiet. Sorry. A check list off the internet is not a reliable diagnostic tool for dyslexia. Writing numbers and letters backwards is completely normal at 5. Impulsivity and not sitting down has got pretty much nothing to do with dyslexia. It is also pretty normal for a 5 year old boy.

I agree with the others, but the concerns you have raised have obviously been raised by the school in the past if he has been tested, so you are not the only one to notice these symptoms. I think it is good to raise these concerns, but not necessarily to try and diagnose (I did it once and got it wrong).

I'm a primary school teacher and we never consider dyslexia until the child is at least 7. So much development has still to take place at 5 that it is totally pointless to try and diagnose/explain any problems.

I agree that you need to apologise and don't mention it again.

oh dear

the textbook way to approach is to couch in terms of concerns you may have, things you have noticed etc, pointing out what you have observed and leaving it to the parents to explore the issues and points you have raised, you know this of course you do

have a cup of tea and brace yourself to apologise; remember that you have held the best interests of the child at heart even if you have acted unwisely in this instance

chin up

Yes, much too early to diagnose dyslexia. At 5 many boys haven't developed enough visual experience to see things in a set way. The brain often mirrors things and b becomes d or cat become tac. or s is written the wrong way round.
The visual system remains plastic in this way until 7/8 which is why dyslexia isn't usually diagnosed at that age.
(I'm an optometrist, by the way)
Yes, you need to apologise and say you've got it wrong!

I wouldn't have spoken to her about it, especially as you diagnosed him off the internet (!)

Thx for your responses.

Stupid me... I agree with all of you, should`ve just say what I noticed without a diagnose. I guess I panicked, I love both my charges, they are like my little brothers and are part of my life as I spend all day with them.

I think I tried to find an answer to the problems that he has(is more than I stated in my original post)

You are not qualified to diagnose, so you can't do that. You can raise concerns backed up with examples of what the child does that may be an indicator that the child needs some extra help, then let the parents decide for themselves if they should seek advice.

he is quite impulsive and doesn't like sitting down to do things; if you talk to him he doesn't react straight away

That describes most 5 years old children doesn't it? Children do things on impulse, they do go into a world of their own and may not hear you first time, some children may deliberately not hear you and not react quickly to being told what to do.

Is he on school holiday at the moment? I expect he might be, so probably the last thing he wants to do is to sit down to do things like he would do at school. He may far prefer to run wildly around the garden pretending to be a some magical creature.

This is absolutely wrong.
Unless you are qualified to diagnose learning disabilities?
I am a primary teacher and agree with previous poster that it is usually not even considered until after age 7.

Fwiw I do think your sentiment has been jumbled here.
I think you'd like mb to see that you care deeply for her dc - so much that you spent time thinking and reading up to better understand DS.
But this isn't the way to do that.

TBH I have to agree with the others that you were in the wrong, however well-intentioned you may have been. I think you now need to work out how to move forwards with your MB and have a plan what to do in case it happens again.

Did your training not cover the appropriate way to raise concerns about a child? Did you do any formal observations that you could have shown to your MB and pointed out areas that you felt your 5yo charge is varrying from developmental norms? That would have allowed her to tell you about the testing they'd had done at school.

As you're still concerned you might want to say to your MB that you're really sorry you jumped to conclusions but you are worried about his development, would she mind if you did a longitudinal study to help you pinpoint what you can do to help?

The golden rule is never, ever, even if you're 99% convinced, name a diagnosis. You're not qualified to make that judgement and an early, rushed, panicked diagnosis may lead to important signs being missed later on. Even where the symtoms are absolutely classic it's important not to get into the mindset of labelling the child too early and treat the problems as they occur to see whether there is an underlying condition or whether some can be individually remedied by doing activities which promote letter recognition or fine motor skills for example.

As a MB I would prefer it that my nanny raised these things (in fact expect it). It is a minefield as a parent gauging whether the things your child does are 'normal', but I know my nanny has seen more children and has a wider experience of behaviours, so I would expect her input.

I think it would be perfectly valid to say I have noticed x, y and z behaviours, these can be perfectly normal but they might also point to something else.

I agree with your sentiments NannyNorthLondon, but I guess as you have already identified you probably went about it the wrong way.

From where you are now, if you were my nanny, I would appreciate the apology and the discussion of the honest sentiment behind it. I would rather know my children were being looked after by someone who genuinely cares about them. I hope it works out ok!

I did apologised to my MB for jumping to a conclusion and everything is fine. She understood my concerns and actually did some research aswell.
We agreed that I will keep an eye on my charge and do more activities to improve his skills.

Never been in this situation before, but the lesson is learned now and would be more professional than sentimental next time!

I must admit when my dd, now 6, started writing her letters backwards my immediate thought was I wonder whether she may have dyslexia. So I suspect it may be a common parental concern. Researching on the internet is lethal though!

What does 'MB' stand for BTW? I'm assuming 'Mindee's something?????'

MumBoss

what you describe is a typical 5yr boy - including mine

the way you went about telling mb was wrong, but i feel your intentions were good

and tbh if a nanny thought there may be a behavioral/ medical etc problem then they should mention their concerns to their boss's but in maybe a more subtle way

I agree with the others I'm afraid. DS1 is five and gets s's back to front and writes d instead of b, sometimes writes 3 back to front etc. He is by no means dyslexic and is free reading and at the top of his class (this is not stealth bragging by the way this is just to illustrate).

Your ward is 5, he is still little, these things take time.

I think however you appreciate this and I think the right thing to do is to approach your boss and apologise about overstepping the mark.

Yes, a nanny letting the parents know he/she thinks there are some issues is absolutely right.

Putting a name to those issues isn't right. The boy might have something going on, it sounds as if there's more than you say, but trying to identify exactly what is going on in the speech/behaviour/motor skills difficulties area is even difficult for the professionals - and rarely ends up with one simple diagnosis.

You've been very well-intentioned, but very naive - so well done for apologising, understanding the lesson and moving on. The family (and the little boy) may well need more of your help and support in future.