Au pair, wanting to leave

[fraupair]

Hi all,
Looking for some advice on how to respectfully and politely hand in my notice as an an au pair. I am working in France as an au pair to a French family with a six year-old and an eight year-old. I am American, and came to France because I wanted to learn the language, gain a better sense of French culture, and form a strong and loving relationship with a French family.

As of right now, I find that I am working quite hard, cooking at least one and often two meals a day, cleaning the house top to bottom two times a week, and of course spending time with the children as well. These tasks were not necessarily all described when I signed on to the job. What concerns me here are several thingsin particular a sense of resistance on behalf of the youngest child, who is often prickly and disrespectful. The parents hired me over a French au pair because they wanted me to speak Englishonly English--to the children. I have voiced my opinion that at this time of transition, only English will likely make the children more resistant to me, but this has fallen on deaf ears of the mother, who maintains a 'hard time? too bad' kind of attitude towards these kinds of things. To make a long story short, I am finding that the parenting methods the children respond to (i.e. high-stress, nitpicking, lack of positive reinforcement) are not methods I am capable of using, and I find that I am feeling exhausted, overworked, underappreciated, and certain that I do not want to stay for the whole year.

I would ask your advice as families employing childcare help, because I want to make some things clear to my own employers--that I do love the children and enjoy working with them, but am not finding this job a good fit, and that I am willing to stay until the 11th of February, at which point the family will be going on vacation, and I feel we could make a natural break. I am seeking advice on what to tell the family, but also when to tell them. Do I let them know now (three months into a supposed year-long position) or do I give them two weeks' or a months' notice? I want to make the remaining time here positive, and want to leave on as cordial a note as possible.

Thank you in advance for your advice!

Giving them notice now for a leaving date in February is more than considerate, if the job is really not working out. I think that is better than leaving it till nearer the time.

I would not advise that you say anything about the differences between their parenting style and yours. It will make your remaining time with them prickly and difficult, and I'm afraid it's pretty clear from what you've said that they aren't interested in your views! Instead, work out what you do want to do as from next February (work elsewhere in France, or another country, do a college course that begins in the spring, something specific) and use that as a simple factual reason for leaving - just a change in your circumstances.

They may be pleasant about it (especially with the long notice) and even may start trying to see how they can improve your job (and then you may have to see if you want to rethink leaving); or they be unpleasant and treat you as an inconvenience, even suggest you leave right away - I'm afraid you will just have to see how that goes.

It can be difficult, this au pairing lark! Better luck next time.

Hi Fraupair - I was an au pair 14 years ago and like you, decided that the family I worked for was not a good fit.

I totally dreaded handing in my notice, but when I finally did, I was very surprised when the "dad" said that they had been expecting it for some time as they had noticed a change in my disposition ie. that I never used to sing any more.

So firstly, it wasnt as bad as I thought it would be, and secondly, I couldnt believe how obviously unhappy I had been to others when it took me ages to take the plunge.

We parted company on very good terms, and the family lined up a new au pair very quickly. It sounds like you are giving them more than enough notice. Best of luck to you, and I hope that it works out.

As an aside, if you were placed by an agency, I would certainly mention to them why you are not compatible with the family, as this may help them to arrange a better fit next time.