AP's room: does this sound OK

[treehugga]

We want to get an au pair when my DD goes to school next year, but our house isn't huge and I'm not sure if the room we have in mind is acceptable or not.

It's a converted garage (though doesn't feel like one) so it's on the ground floor by the front door. Everyone else and the bathroom are upstairs. It is a reasonable size and has an en suite toilet and sink, but that's also where the washing machine is for the whole family, so I will have to go in and out quite regularly. Also, in a built-in double cupboard is the family freezer and filing cabinet. At the moment it's our spare room. We've made it nice, it has a double bed, desk and place to hang clothes and it's light and warm, but it can't be completely private. Does that seem unreasonable to ask an AP to tolerate?

Big caveat - I never been, had or know anyone who has had an AP. But, personally speaking, I think it sounds fine, the only concern being you going in for the freezer and washing machine. I think it might be a bit invasive. Also, what if she's wanting quiet time and the washing machine is on?

Have you ever slept in it yourself? Does the freezer make any noise at all? That would worry me personally - I hate electrical noise when trying to go to sleep.

It might also be quite invasive imo to have to keep going in and out to the freezer and washing machine.

My AP's have always likes their own space to retreat to, and one in particular who is a charming and delightful girl, and a true member of the family (going to fly and visit her with DD next week ;-)) wanted occasionally just to shut her bedroom door and be left absolutely alone!!

I guess it would depend on the girl though?

HTH Cx

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I wouldn't ask someone to share a room with the washing facilities, freezer, etc all in one go with you needing regular access. She could end up feeling like she's living in a bus station and may find it hard to relax, and I think in reality you will struggle to keep someone. I think it's okay for a short placement but over a whole year, no.

Can you at least move the freezer and the filing cabinet out? How big is the room?

It MIGHT then be acceptable to agree certain times of the week when the washing is going to be done. You mustn't go in and out of her room at odd times though.

Can you not move one of your DCs in that room?

I'm afraid it does seem unreasonable to me.

I wouldn't and I wouldn't ask anyone to - sorry.

It's so important for APs to have their own space to cry with homesickness to relax in. Also what if you want/need to do an emergency wash overnight or early on a weekend morning? Or access the freezer?

Also she'd have to go through the house to shower, presumably, which might be a bit awkward instead of a quick dash over the landing!

I don't think it sounds acceptable either.

Some ap's like to 'hole up' at the weekends if they are not going out. Do you remember being a teenager and sleeping for most of the day at the weekend - especially if follows a late night out. It would be quite intrusive to be going through her room whatever the time - she would feel she had to keep it really tidy all the time and not to have anything personal out on view.

And the freezer is a big no - I remember when I used to stay at my nan's as a child, the room had a chest freezer in and they cut in and out fairly regularly, and I never slept very well when I stayed there.

Thanks for your thoughts & honesty. I have slept in the room often enough (DP's a snorer!) and in fact the freezer is completely silent - doesn't whirr or click at all - I am sensitive to those things too. I think the bigger problem is the privacy issue, especially with emergency late night ice cream washes. There are no other room combinations available, so I guess that means we're looking at building an extension on the kitchen for a utility space, oy vey. Appreciate your feedback.

I have been a live-in nanny where the one of the parents stored some belongings and it bugged me and they only very rarely needed to come in ie 3/4 times a year! My room wasn't always tidy as who can keep a room tidy with everything they own in it [!] and I always felt bad when they came in [ie worried what they thought of the room]

I would not be happy with the washing machine and filing cabinet etc in it.

Is there any way you can partition the room off so these items are in a corridor.

Why can't you and your DH move in there and give the AP your room? Or put your children in there?

Mrssf- thats what I was going to say...why not you or children have that room and give AP one upstairs??

We 'may' need an ap soon and to accomodate my eldest ds would need to move downstairs to a spare' office' type room so the AP could have the 'bedroom'.

I do not think that it is a good idea. From the au pairs point of view she may feel dumped in a room with your appliances. Also, I think that it is REALLY REALLY important that she feels secure in her room and has complete privacy when she is not working. She may also feel scared about sleeping on the ground floor with all of you upstairs. I think that it is all less than ideal. Sorry.

one thing is privacy of the aupair which should not be invaded.
but another thing is having electrical appliances in a bedroom, that is not healthy and disturbs sleep.

dont think beeing on a different floor then the rest of family is a problem though. might not suit all aupairs but others wont hae a problem with that.