can someone give me some advise(sorry really long)

[prettyfly1]

hi. i only started using a childminder 2 months ago for my baby son. i am really inexperienced and to be honest when i met my childminder i was just grateful to find someone who doesnt behave like a mad woman. i am now pretty concerned though. she doesnt seem to listen to anything i say about sleep routines, 4 days last week he only had two bottles from 7.30am till 6 pm (plus his solid food) cause she let him sleep through his feed,which seriously messes his night routine up, i am a single parent and she keeps making comments about his clothes being slightly on the small side, she is really quite patronising. i knew when i signed the contrat that she is paid holiday pay so effectively gets up to eight weeks paid for not carign for him, but i thought that was standard and i didnt realise that i would not get any extra help with costs when she took a week off, so i have had to take a week off too, which cant happen to often and she turned round on thursday night last week and asked for the money three days in advance (it does not go in till monday) and when i said that and said i was going away she got very shirty and asked if my dad could pay, and if she didnt have it before monday obviously i would have to pay 10 pounds a day extra ( i have never ever been late paying her). i was a minute late picking him up for the first time last week and she was really stroppy, she lost one of his bottles on friday and there was one incident where i turned up to pick him up five minutes early and he was filthy with a full nappy adn his lunch food still under his neck ( this was at five thirty). She is supposed to have had years of experience but in the time that i have known her there have ben two complaints which she said where people jsut trying to ge tout of paying her. is this behaviour normal,can anyone give me some advice. THe children seem to love her and i dont want to give up work but i feel like my life is being ruled by a woman who shows me no respect or courtesy as a parent at all. what on earth do i do????

I don't think she seems ideal. You are the parent and you stipulate (within reason) routines. Write out a daily routine for her to follow eg. 10 am bottle 8 oz, 11-12 nap. Also give her a diary where you write what happended during night and breakfash ans she writes what happend during day eg. Dirty nappy at 1pm, Lunch was Cotage pie - ate all.

My CM contract doesn't provide for paid leave. But if you have signed up for this you are stuck but 8 weeks is excessive. Is she OFFSTED approved? Full nappies happen, I assume she has other kids so she cannot give him one to one attention. But lunch not wiped several hours later unacceptable. If I was you I would find another minder. Your local council can send you a list of OFFSTED registered people in your area. Or ask on mumsnet for reccomendations.

First of all sorry to hear about how this Childminder is making you feel. We are not all like this.

I cant not really say anything about the bottles but sometime it does happen that the children fall asleep just when dinner is ready or milk time etc. I am not making excuses for her but it used to happen to one of my old mindees that his parents wanted him to have a full bottle just before his nap and he would be so tired that he couldnt finish it.

The eight weeks does sound alot especially on full pay. I only take one week paid the other not paid.

I think she is out of order asking for the money early and particulary about getting your dad to pay. What is on your contract,? have a look and if you are a day late then she can make you pay the 10 but not if the contract doesnt say so.

Have you thought about giving notice and finding another minder? Doesnt sound like she is the right one for you.

Hope this helped.

First of all sorry to hear about how this Childminder is making you feel. We are not all like this.

I cant not really say anything about the bottles but sometime it does happen that the children fall asleep just when dinner is ready or milk time etc. I am not making excuses for her but it used to happen to one of my old mindees that his parents wanted him to have a full bottle just before his nap and he would be so tired that he couldnt finish it.

The eight weeks does sound alot especially on full pay. I only take one week paid the other not paid.

I think she is out of order asking for the money early and particulary about getting your dad to pay. What is on your contract,? have a look and if you are a day late then she can make you pay the 10 but not if the contract doesnt say so.

Have you thought about giving notice and finding another minder? Doesnt sound like she is the right one for you.

Hope this helped.

my problem when he was filthy with a full nappy was that she had no other children that day. she is ofsted but i am going to give notice and find someone else. my son seems reasonably settled so i didnt really want to but i will change. the diary is a good idea but i am a full time working single mum. i know i probably sound dreadful but its just one extra thing to do on top of a milliona nd one other things when with the amount she is paid i dont feel i should have to. Again i can understand him occasionally dropping off but this is all time. thanks for the advice guys.

I hope you find someone that will match what you need.

FYI - i always provide a diary for the parent out of my own pocket. Did she show you references, her policies and certificates etc?

Can i ask what you pay her and what her other conditions are. Tell me to Bog off if you want to, i just wondered what other terms and conditions she had.

Can i ask what you pay her and what her other conditions are. Tell me to Bog off if you want to, i just wondered what other terms and conditions she had.

yes she did. she has never put a diary together although she said that she would and did keep one. i pay her more then the going rate, i have to pay in advance. i provide food, nappies, cream, wipes etc. extra for any day trips or find someone else. all of this seems fair. its not the money that concerns me really, its her attitude to me that i find difficult. i would pay any amount for someone who both me and my son got on with and i felt was right but i dont pay to be treated like an idiot. it just feels like that because i am young and single she thinks she can do whatever and never ever respect any of what i say. i also turned up five minutes early a few times cause i was driven down and she changed the contract to start fifteen minutes earlier every day, not taking into consideration the fact that i pick him up fifteen minutes early every single day!

prettyfly1, get another childminder. She just doesn't sound right for you and you aren't happy. You don't have give up working, just have a look around and interview a few people. Look on www.childcarelink.gov.uk
That should give you details of other minders in your area. TBH without seeing first hand this other woman I couln't comment as to how she works and I'm a childminder herself who doesn't want to rubbish her own!! But there's no excuse for making you feel she's talking down to you, that's not her job. So on that basis I'd get someone else you feel you could have a better working relationship with.

HTH

It sounds to me like she's taking advantage of you, I would definitely look for someone else as you can't go on feeling so dissatisfied with a service you are paying for.

Prettyfly - I used to be full time working single mum so I know how you feel. But keeping a diary is a really good idea. It is important that you / child minder / evening sitter know what is going on with your baby 24/7. I used to write in it myself as a good way of helping me to varry DD breakfast, record how much calpol see if any patten to bowl movements etc. I suggest that you say your mum/aunt friend is going to look after your child from now on. You don't want her to get the hump while your working through the notice period.

If you are not happy with this childminder, then I would say to look elsewhere, for whatever reasons.

Even if there are problems between parents and minders, you should at least be able to discuss them sensibly. I would hope that I never belittle a parent.

The way minders work varies enormously though. There will always be differences in hourly rates, holidays, drop-off/collection routines etc. Hopefully, most of us can be a bit flexible!

I won't say anything about you arriving early to drop-off because lots of us minders have had a bit of a moan about it recently!!

However, there are obviously lots of issues that need resolving, and maybe she is not happy with the situation either.

And please don't think that we're all like this (although I have to admit that I've not noticed a full nappy on a couple of occasions when parents have arrived to pick up )