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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Advice please re childminders

18 replies

zeepee76 · 14/03/2011 19:37

Hi everyone,
Just wanting to sound off and get advice and views. My DS is 14 months, he started with a childminding couple locally about 8 weeks ago. Tonight I arrived to collect him to find him hysterical in his buggy, left out in the hallway on his own. As I got in the door the childminder was saying 'this is what he is like all day' 'I'm at my wits end' etc etc. I have NEVER seen my son behave in this way (well the odd trantrum yes, but crying all day - no!), and since we have been home he has been hysterical and tantruming and only now has been placated and put to bed after a bottle. It was absoluterly awful to see! I feel like the childminders have made up thier minds that they dont like him, he doesnt do what they want him to do - be it eat what they want, go outside and play when they want him to etc I am dreading having to take him back there in the morning and leave him with them if he hates it so. I just dont know why - as with my DH and me, grandparents, uncle and friedns he is always a happy little soul. Has anyone else had an experience like this? I feel like they're talking about another child when they talk about how terrible he is!

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nervatious · 14/03/2011 19:40

Hmm from what you've said they don't sound very nice people, hope it gets better for your little one. Why was he in his buggy? sounds dodgy.

littleducks · 14/03/2011 19:42

I wouldnt take my child back to somebody who did that

Supernanny89 · 14/03/2011 19:45

They should be trying to comfort your ds not leave him on his own. I admit I ignore the odd tantrum over getting their own way but not when theyre hysterical!

BoysAreLikeDogs · 14/03/2011 19:46

not acceptable, especially as there are two folk caring for the children there

14 months is PRIME seperation anxiety territory and the CMs should have strategies in place to help him settle and feel comfortable

looneytune · 14/03/2011 19:47

Oh that's awful. Yes, sometimes a child can have a tantrum and have to be left whilst dealing with something else but this is a 14 month old, still a baby really :( Also, I don't like the way they talked about him being like that all day, if he had been they should have been telling you and discussing how to deal with it. I'm not so worried about him behaving differently there as if he's an only child at home and isn't the only child at the cms, it may take time to adjust to waiting/sharing etc. But equally he could just be really sad at being in a new place. Having said that, by the sound of the way they talk about him, they aren't nice anyway therefore no wonder he's sad.

I'm afraid I couldn't take him back in that situation, it's not how he's not settling (that can be worked on) but because the cm doesn't sound very nice :(

Poor you too, not nice for either of you!

SlainteBooyFeckingHoo · 14/03/2011 19:49

regardless of how tanmrtummy he is they shouldn't be leaving him strapped in a buggy!! is tehre anyone who can help you out until you find appropriate childcare. i wouldn't take him back to these CMers.

looneytune · 14/03/2011 20:01

Sorry, just re-read, if there is more than 1 childminder then I'm even more shocked at the strapped in buggy thing (which is bad anyway!), surely one could have reassured him whilst the other sorted the other children out?

briskwalk · 14/03/2011 20:17

Hi, sorry to hear about what's happened today. From what you said, I would not return to those CM's. Would it be possible to make some interim arrangements and try to get sorted with alternative childcare? Your DS should not have been strapped in his buggy and they should not have spoken about him like that.

If this isn't possible, I think you need to speak to the CM's about how you found your son today and make it clear that you are very concerned. And then make plans to move him! Please let us know what you plan to do.

omaoma · 14/03/2011 20:33

I would really have expected them to call you if he had been hysterical all day, to pick him up. Sounds like a serious discussion with them around agreeing appropriate caring together, and how they can allay your concerns is in order. If they're not happy to do that, time to find another CM.

HaveToWearHeels · 14/03/2011 20:48

How many days a week does he go the CM's ?. I ask because 8 weeks is not long if he is going part time and he may still be settling in. My DD went two days a week and took approx 12 weeks to settle in. She would cry loads and wanted to be cuddled by CM almost constantly.
Not a good situation but CM was brillaint and we worked together and now DD squeals with excitement when she goes to CM.

I would not sent my LO back there to be honest, strapped into his buggy is not good, he should be being reassured and cuddled he is still a baby. He will never settle if they do this it will only make him more unsettled.

Find a childminder that is willing to work with you DS.

CouldNeverHave3 · 14/03/2011 20:55

That's awful. In 6 yrs of using childcare I have never picked up either DC to be told something like that.

The moment I was unhappy with our DDs nursery (different reason to you) there was no going back...we stuck it out for another month then gave notice and transfered to another one.

I think you know.

lukymum · 14/03/2011 21:02

Sorry to hear what your little one going through. Some children settle and feel safer in a pushchair, and settle, because they can be rocked there. But if he was crying hysterically, yes he should have been reassured.

good luck with it. Only thing in defence of your childminder - though their tone sounds awful - it might be more complicated than it first seems. Maybe you all need a chat. it might not be as simple as finding a new carer straight away.

HSMM · 14/03/2011 21:16

Have a talk to them first, to get the whole story (arrange to meet with them, so you have plenty of time).

I CM with my DH and the major benefit is that if one child has a problem of any kind, they can almost always get 1:1 care.

Original poster

zeepee76 · 14/03/2011 21:55

Hey ladies, thanks SO much for all your responses. Makes me feel I'm not being an unreasonable oversensitive Mum! @HaveToWearHeels DS is at the childmiders three days Mon-Wed and he has been going properly since the start of Feb (two weeks settling in in Jan). Having had a LARGE glass of wine now and I feel a bit better! DH is going to take the day and work from home tomorrow and then at least we can get some space, and have some time to ponder and talk with them tomorrow. You are all right though - leaving a child strapped into a buggy/crying is not ok! They need to be able to come up with better coping strategies than that when they're confronted with challenging behaviour!
I'll let you know what transpires...

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HaveToWearHeels · 15/03/2011 11:27

zeepee76 glad you are feeling better about things this morning. I remember too well picking up a very red eyed little girl from the CM (and she was being cuddled when I arrived so less traumatic)it is heart wrenching.
I think maybe your LO is still trying to settle in, but instead of working with him they seemed to have just given up. Y
ou now have the choice like we did of either moving him which of course will reset the settling in again or getting your CM to work with it, which doesn't seem likely.
We were very lucky that our CM worked with us, it did take another 3-4 weeks but then one day it just clicked and she was like a different child. Good Luck and keep us updated.

Rudgey · 16/03/2011 22:41

What area do you live in as someone here might be able to recommend someone as a temporary situation till you find another cm

Original poster

zeepee76 · 17/03/2011 13:07

Hi everyone, am off work today so making some headway on speaking to people and arranging something. Actually have called a local nursery where my sons been down on the waiting list since Sept, and they could have him for two days....and maybe could get the MIL to look after him for the Wednesday until a space becomes available - they reckon about two months. So that's heartening. I live in Highbury - Islington, and there's a real over sunscription of childcare all around here, so am thinking that if I dont take the days at the nursery now, I'll never get the chance again! Lots to discuss with DH when he gets home tonight!

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FourFortyFour · 17/03/2011 13:10

That definitely sounds wrong and cruel to the baby .

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