nanny / au pair while on maternity leave???

[skgnome]

Hi, hubby and me have no family nearby... as you'll do, sometimes when I speak with my mom and complain about LO, just to vent, but she's nice...

My mom now decided she should send us SIL to work with us as a nanny (mom paying SIL salary), which is nice and she's totally up for it, but cannot stop thinking that if she comes she'll have al the fun with LO and I'll be stuck with dishes, dinner, etc...

do you think I should get her to come or say thanks but no thanks... hubby travels a bit, so when he's not around it gets hard, but when he's here (most of the time) he does more than his far share... yes sometimes I could do with the extra pair of hands (who doesn't) and we're moving in a couple of months, so there will be lots to do around the flat, but I love to spend time with LO, she's starting to coo and laugh and in general she's now fun.

please give your honest opinion

No.

Honestly, no.

I think thats kind of your mum but say you dont really need someone all of the time and could she perhaps pay for a local person to do your ironing and cleaning or a local babysitter so you and husband can have an eve out or you can have 1 afternoon a week to have a rest/go shopping etc.

Why would you want someone all the time? I think eastmid's suggestion of getting someone to do the un-fun stuff or babysit occasionally to give you an afternoon off/evening out is much more sensible.

Do you get on with your SIL? I mean I like mine but there's no way I'd want her living with us FT!

I would say thanks but no thanks (its a very kind suggestion and all), and instead ask if your mum is able to contribute to maybe the cost of a cleaner and someone to do your ironing. Or some gardening. Ie whatever you feel that you don't have time for.

Unless there is a reason why your mum is putting your SIL forward? Maybe she wants to experience a new culture, learn English (sorry, I don't know your circumstances), in which case, maybe she isn't thinking in terms of the money, but more like giving your SIL an opportunity.

agree with midlands and think you need an extra pair of hands so get a cleaner/ironer or a one day nanny so that you get some me time

thanks, yes that's what I was thinking, maybe getting a cleaner a couple of days a week would be more helpfull, even the babysitter once a week.

I think my mom thought about SIL since she just finnished uni and she doesn't have a job and was thinking on becoming an au-pair, but from my point of view the cleaner and a nanny makes more sense

I would look at it a slightly different way. There are lots of things at home that can potentially take time away from you spending time with your child so if your mother is offering to pay to alleviate that pressure, then that's one thing. I wouldn't agree to it being SIL, however, we have different people come in to do things, e.g. a cleaner. If I am at home and I have some spare time, the understanding with my nanny is that I spend time playing with my dd while she does other stuff e.g. cooking, the dishes etc. My advice is that you need to be very clear with others on where you want to spend your time otherwise you will sadly fall into a routine of doing the things you don't want to do.

im up for a big nooooooooo.. Im on mat leave at teh mo and we kept on our au pair as dh said how good it would be to have a helping pair of hands to clean hoover etc... nope i find myself tidying up for her.. and am paying her for maybe 3 hours of work a week... would have been so much better to have paid for a cleaner.. next time i shall be wise.. luckily she has decided to travel so she is off in april.. so i get a few months on my own to enjoy and will get a cleaner once a week so i have time to play with DS,DD and DD...

Too much baggage in this arrangement.

What is the job description?
What are the hours?
Will SIL regard herself as your employee or your equal?
Will you mum think she gets some decision power because she is paying the bill (mine would!)?

If you do this, you should define everything very clearly in a contract. Who is the employer? You, or your mum?

This sounds very messy to me. I think I'd rather have a cleaner / mother's help.

I assume your mum is probably also trying to help your SIL by giving her a job, which is noble. But, really, this could get messy.