Would you ever settle for a nanny you didn't think was a great match?

[MeantToStopAtTwo]

Or, even better, HAS anyone done this? How did it turn out? Was your gut instinct correct?

Grrr, I'm so frustrated because I was so organised this time around and started the search process really early. Yet, to cut a long story short, the lovely nanny we found through word of mouth has let us down (not entirely her fault as her partner has unexpectedly been transferred to another area, but very frustrating for us nonetheless).

I'm fast running out of time now before going back to work and I'm failing to find anyone else I feel nearly as happy with. I just interviewed another round of candidates this afternoon and can't pretend I thought any of them was a great match in all honesty. It's not that they had major flaws, just that I didn't think they were quite right for US in terms of skill-set and/or personality.

I can't quite decide what to do now. DH thinks I'm being silly and should just take someone. Nobody is going to be 100% perfect after all and I fully accept that. Yet I'm tempted to go on interviewing and manage somehow without for the time being (possibly delaying my return to work or finding a temp, I'm not quite sure yet).

What do you all think? Am I being silly? How do you know when you've found THE ONE anyway? Is it normal to have these doubts? We've only had one other nanny before (who stayed nearly 5 years) and my memory is hazy now but I'm sure I didn't feel this way with her. Although I just had one fairly easygoing and undemanding baby back then, didn't need a driver, etc. which did make things simpler.

It depends what the doubts are about ones you interviewed . You ate right there are always qualms and it took me a while to get used to the nannies I had but I didnt have serious doubts
About them (Ie some I saw either had lack of
Experience or serious issues on their Ref). Also if the candidate you preferred fell thru maybe there is an element of whoever no being good (when my 1st nanny left I was I despair at it and a bit about some candidates as didnt seem to compare but got over it).

Also I know I get emotional re nanny so final
Say goes to dh who does a lot of recruiting and cAn be more objective. Is your dh like this as may have a point re you overrun king it (I know I do)?

Can you delay returning or have another form
Of care to give you more time to look?

Oh and without knowing issues what role
Is have to say can't comment -also first nanny (who was brilliant ) wasn't my first choice so my gut feelings were a bit wrong.

Have your children met any of the nannies yet? I am guessing that you have at least one child aged 5+, so how they get along with a candidate is also going to be important.

Can you pinpoint exactly what it is you didn't feel would work about the candidates you have seen so far? Sounds like it's their personality more than anything else, though in interview situation that may be quite hard to evaluate as people are different at interview than in non-interview mode, aren't they?

Can you offer a fixed contract? Realise many nannies might not like this but if you're coming off maternity leave maybe you want to see how going back to work works out anyway?

Thanks for the fast responses.

Hmmm, let's see. My children are 5, 3 and almost 1. Of today's candidates:

No. 1 was lovely, warm, cheery, mature, had excellent references and I felt very drawn to her. However, she is very much a baby/toddler nanny and has no long-term experience with over-2s. I think she would be fabulous for my youngest and, if it were just her I needed a nanny for, I would jump at the chance to hire this girl. However, she didn't seem so thrilled about my 5 year-old (even the idea of there being a 5 year-old at all before meeting him personally), nor he about her. I suppose I could invite her for a trial day and see how if that changed at all. It was a fairly short meeting after all. Yet I'm also a little concerned that she's used to a fairly laid-back schedule of coffee mornings, playtime at home, etc. (her previous jobs have been shared charge of baby twins and then sole charge of one baby-toddler). Our household is quite manic in comparison with three children and two separate school-runs to juggle.

No. 2 is very experienced with a full range of ages, very confident, also has excellent references and has clearly worked out well for other families. However, awful as this may sound, I just didn't take to her. I think she is looking for more of a formal employee-employer would ideally like. She wasn't warm and fuzzy like our last nanny or the other one we had lined-up. Also, dare I say, I found her a little bit arrogant in a 'my way is best' sort of way? I'm not sure I could establish the sort of working relationship with her that I would want. Actually even DH has just said, 'Not that one.'

No. 3 is a very bright local girl who finished a BEd last year. She then took a sole charge job with a 3 and 5 year-old, from which she only leaving because the mother is about to go on maternity leave. I must confess that I keep wondering if she really wanted a job as a teacher but didn't get one for this present academic year. Her spiel about how she much prefers nannying didn't really sound very convincing and she seemed uncertain about what she wanted. Would she be using us as a stop-gap and leave for a teaching job come September? I think she'd be great for the older two and they both really took to her. Yet my little one would be the youngest she's ever cared for by quite a way. Interestingly, she is very keen on the idea of a little one but I'm not sure she realises how mundane it actually is.

Oh dear, I'm sounding really fussy, aren't I? What do you all think?

Could you afford to pay them each to come and spend a day with you to see how they get along with your family in a more relaxed way?

I think you're right tbh. You could always take #3 as a temp to buy you time and if she works out keep her on longer but caring for your youngest will be a big part of the job and no matter how great she is with the older ones if she decides she doesn't like that part it's a no go.

#1 will never stay long term, plus the 5 year old is probably going to be the most challenging one to win over so if they're not sure about each other it'll be even more difficult, and #2 was obviously wrong for you.

I don't think a nanny needs to be a 100% match for things to work out fine, but these aren't even close by the sounds of things.

organise a temp

you need to be happy with your choice of nanny and this will give you more time

See your point- agree with frak and blondes ( who usually know best) take a temp and if no 3 interested try her.
You will find someone - for every nanny like no 1 there are loads who know and thrive on the reality of a busy life with kids of different ages

Thank you all. I feel better now knowing it's not just me being silly.

Unfortunately we live in an area where the pool of nannies and nanny jobs is fairly small, which makes it much harder to find a good fit. I have a feeling No. 1 didn't think we were her dream match either but is feeling similarly limited in her options.

Interestingly, I've just had a very keen email from No. 3. I think I may invite her for a trial day this week whilst continuing to interview others too.

you have a nice range of ages,same as i look after, though mine are now older but have 2.5,5 and just 8 :)

it is hard to find a good nanny who is good with all the ages

i still feel you should go with a temp rather than choose a nanny just as you have to iyswim

#3 sounds a good temp for you if she's interested. You never know, she might work out, she might want to be a nanny and she might thrive with a little one to look after. Equally she might dislike having a little 1 and find herself a teaching job, but if you're on a temp contract that's not an insurmountable issue becaue you're continuing to look anyway. If at any point you feel she's working out well you can offer her the perm job.

Start with a paid trial day and build up from there.

I'd go with number 3 and see how it goes. The other two sound unsuitable. If she works for less than a year anyway, you can just give a month's notice and get someone else.