english au pairs..

[chloeb2002]

Is it just us or in general do english girls just not get being an au pair? We have had two english girls as we thought it would be nice to have similar backgrounds.. we live in brisbane now.. yet unlike the other european girls who really get the idea of a host family english girls have just been stuck with the your either my friends or employer.. this ends up causing problems on both times. first girl just didnt want tolook after children and by her own admission had just made a huge mistake. The second girl stayed for 8 months before leaving under a cloud with no notice becuse dh and i said she couldnt take the car out after drinking wine all day but we would and did drop her off at the party she wanted to attend. however both girls said teh same thing afterwards that they didnt knwo how to treat us... as an employer of as a friend. i tried to explain the idea that they were included as part of our family, and us such i guess we were neither...i am about to start looking again for an au pair for next year... do i steer away from english girls or am i just unlucky?

Personally I think a lot of state school English girls have the wrong attitude about most things. I think a private educated english girl with a more disciplined schooling may be different..

Sorry, I may be flamed her buts its MHO.

From what I can see European girls seem to be more disciplined at school and home. Possibly the Ozzy and NZ ones too.

I think skifit's statement is a bit too simplistic. There are good and bad au pairs from whatever background or nationality.

What do you do to establish the relationship? How quickly do you pick them up on bad behaviour in the early days?

I found that if I am very employer in the early days, it establishes expectations, and then you can relax a little and let friend come out.

"A lot of state school English girls have the wrong attitude..."well, that pretty much wrote off most of the population didn't it. I'm sure all those privately educated girls are just thankful for the chance to apply to be your au pair, Skifit

My take on this? You are in Australia - an English speaking country. Non native speakers will welcome the chance to stay with you, learn English by conversing with you and your family and then go home and get a better job with improved English or further their studies/whatever. They may enjoy childcare which is why they specifically choose to be aupairs.

English girls are not there to learn English. Either they are running away from something in the UK or want to stay in Australia because of a boyfriend and see au pairing as a quick and easy way to stay and presumably qualify for a visa. They have no real desire to be au pairs, don;t want to hang around your family playing big sister, presumably they want to be with their mates/boyfriend on the beach etc.

Or maybe you just got unlucky....

Tryharder is right. The whole point of being an au-pair is to learn a foreign language so I don't really understand why your choosing english au-pairs anyway

Well there's a lot of Australian, New Zealand and Canadian au pairs in the UK - and they seem to do quite well. I think the 'learning a language' bit might be a part of it, but a very small part of it.

OP, are you sure your attitude wasn't different to the non-English compared to the English? Without meaning to, a lot of people take more care of what they say to non-English people, just because they seek more clarity in their language, making sure the other person understands them. Also, by feeling that they are culturally similar you might not have laid out your expectations as clearly as you did with the others.

Or, as Tryharder said ..... maybe you just got unlucky!!!!!

I am English and I have been an aupair in the UK. I got on very well with the family I lived with and still speak to them regularly. I didn't find it too hard to understand my role in the family.
I became an aupair as I found it was a great part time job to have whilst I studied for my degree.

choleb2002 - I'm not sure why the aupairs you have chosen haven't been very good. I don't think it is because of their nationality though. Have you had any other aupairs apart from the two English girls?

Skifit - Your argument is simplistic and offensive. I am English and was educated in the state system. I certainly don't have the 'wrong attitude about most things' and neither do most of my friends.

"The whole point of being an au-pair is to learn a foreign language", not necessarily. It used to be but these days its more about the experience.

The best au pair we have had was Australian - we managed to teach her english and by the time she went home she could say pasta and yoghurt properly.

We live in London and have had English and Scottish AP''s as well as several other nationalities. Both were great, neither privately educated. Both saw being an AP as a route to explore and live in London safely, and gain referencable work experience before going to uni.

We set our expectations of family dynamics up front as the role of AP is hard...living with family but not family and sometimes we still have problems but I have to say I found both of them easier to live with than western europeans who I think struggle more with the employee side of the role and have a tendency to think we are surrogate parents and can they all have their mates to stay.

How much do you warn them in advance about what they will find when they arrive with you? We have a very extensive recruitment process asking lots of questions but also giving them progressively more information about us and what we can offer an au pair, but also about what we need her to do - even a typical week run-down and our 'house rules'. Both have said that they felt they knew what to expect when they arrived and it was what they got, and both so far have been successful experiences on both sides.

Do you recruit through an agency? Is the agency painting up the holiday in a foreign country part of being an au pair, and glossing over the nose-wiping and cajoling and mundane routine-ness that makes up a fair bit of the AP role?

The two english girls came through an agency the subsequent German and Danish girls were through au pair world. The second girl stayed for over six months but I will agree both English girls in hindsight came as spur of the moment decisions and left simarly. The others since have been more planned in what they want to do. That may be my error in recruitment. it has just made me wary about offering to another uk applicant I guess. Thanks for the opinions!