Childminders/Nannies - Would you tell a parent about a child taking their first step?

[nannynick]

I know, you are probably reading this thinking that I'm mad - why would a childcarer tell a parent about the 'first' things a child does.

However just been watching Parents Under Pressure on BBC2 and on that a parent was saying that their childminder told them about their child's first step. The parent was upset about that. I agree, it's not right for a childcarer to mention a child doing something for the first time.

Do you agree? Or are you finding that things like doing daily diaries now means that parents do get to hear about a first step, before they see it for themselves?

I saw first steps with a couple of my charges, I just told the parents that the child was so so close to walking, and to keep a close eye on them!

err - i would DEFINITELY want to know if my child did something for the first time when i wasn't around. i wasn't around when DS said his first word (tractor) but my mum phoned me and told me and i was all .

if my exH had been with the kids when they did something for the first time, i would have wanted him to phone and tell me, so the same would apply to someone else caring for them who witnessed it for the first time. for me anyway.

Definitely wouldn't say anything! Might say they looked close to taking a step though.

Depends if it's in a 7-7 position where the parent's don't see the children as their in bed/going to bed and the walking starts on a monday morning then you can't hide it until the weekend. Otherwise I do as Rita said.

My nanny told me lots of firsts that my DD has done

When I see it, it's the first time

I would be more upset if she didn't tell me

I discussed this with my nanny - I wanted her to tell me stuff

For example, the first time DD did painting, my nanny took a picture to send to me

Personally like Rita I wouldn't say anything, though may suggest that the child looked close to doing something.

Interesting that some of you are happy to be told about first step, first word.

No child ever takes their first steps in a good nursery.

no I don't

I say oooh we are really thinking about blah blah and it won't be long etc etc

Poor practice IMO, to claim firsts

We thought we were the ones to see a mindee's first steps. We saw her take very small steps on the Friday. Or rather I did. On the Monday she definatly took more steps. But they were more confident so we thought that she must have walked at home. Problem was that mum didn't say that she had been walking at home.

When she came to collect her we said that to look out for her starting to walk as we didn't think it would be long now. She then turned around to us and said that she has been taking a few steps at home! I think she looks at us like a babysitter although I'm trying to let her see that we are more than that. She doesn't let us know if she does something new. So I think it works both ways really.

We thought we were the ones to see a mindee's first steps. We saw her take very small steps on the Friday. Or rather I did. On the Monday she definatly took more steps. But they were more confident so we thought that she must have walked at home. Problem was that mum didn't say that she had been walking at home.

When she came to collect her we said that to look out for her starting to walk as we didn't think it would be long now. She then turned around to us and said that she has been taking a few steps at home! I think she looks at us like a babysitter although I'm trying to let her see that we are more than that. She doesn't let us know if she does something new. So I think it works both ways really.

Ds1's first cm eventually let slip that he'd been walking for her long than he had at home. When she realised what she'd said she was absolutely mortified bless her.

Mostly I think he'd had more opportunity with her - her house was massive and clutter free, ours v dinky and stuffed to the gunnels with crap stuff.

*longER

Generally no - it's a small White lie and the mum would never know any different and it's nice for them

Obviously I would never lie about important stuff but sometimes a small White lie makes the parents day if they discover it

So I say been cruising round the furniture lots and keep an
Eye on them as I have seen this a few times in my career and sure they will be taking their first step in a day or two

Same with first tooth - I mention dc has been very dribbly/red cheeked etc and say I've checked for a tooth and one hasn't popped through but bet soon will

I'd generally go along with the 'getting very close, keep an eye out' type thing. I wouldn't bring it up, but if a parent asked 'any steps today?' or something along those lines then I'd answer honestly. I don't think a nanny/childminder has the authority to decide what a parent is or isn't told.

Maybe we should ask when we start a job? It seems that some parents (from responses above) would prefer to know.

We had a little girl at nursery that came three days a week wed-fri and one week she came in on the wed and was taking lots of steps, so when her mum picked her up I said I like the walking at which her mum looked at me puzzled and said what walking? I said she has been showing us her walking today that she has been practising with you, she said nope not done any for me at home. So I stood the little one up and she walked across the room to her mum. I had assumed that as she was doing it so well she had been doing it at home too.

Mum was fine with it though, she said thank you for telling me and showing me her doing it, I know these things may happen here first.

As a nanny now I tend not to say anything if it is near the weekend and hope they do it then too for the parents but if it is on a Monday it is a bit hard to not say anything as by the weekend they will be really good at it and so it is ob they have been doing it before, I work 11 hr days 4/5 days a week.

Does depend on the family though. Some don't want to know, some do.

It would depend on the parents! I wouldn't want to upset them either way; in my experience, every parent?s preference is different.

If the parent told me they wanted to be told these things then I would. But generally I never do. I just say oh nearly did it today. And try and get them to do it with us both there and then. Otherwise its at home:-D I feel its a precious experience

I had a nanny a few years ago when DS1 was a toddler. We had a running joke about the things he "didn't" do in my absense. I told her once (jokingly) that if I didn't see it, it didn't happen and so I used to get reports at the end of the day that included things like:

"Just wanted to let you know that DS did not step/crawl/whatever today." It was a running joke. I knew what he had done but I kept my spot of seeing it first.

I have to say that I always told parents if their child walked or said a word UNTIL I told the dad who came in first that their son [who is now 20]had walked The dad sat the boy down and said come on,come on you can do it and of coarse the child wouldnt ,he just sat down.Dad did get quite miffed .Now I dont tell parents if I see walking except to say Hes nearly walking now etc]I am as always with Blondes on this one.I must add that anything they do when older I tell parents about ,it is generally only the walking and talking that parents do like to tell me `He/She did so and so.

as a cm I would never tell parents about milestones reached in the setting.. think thats a little cruel.. have had to tell my dd not to say things even when she was really excited that a mindee had walked.

I explained to her how the mum might feel about missing this and she totally agreed.. shes 11!!!

To me it looks like the best thing to do is not to tell parents about their child reaching a milestone, unless the parents have given prior permission to reveal such information. That way, parents get to see their child walk (or do whatever) for the first time, if they so wish to see that event.

I had this today - I looked after a 7 week old who was very smiley and when mb came home she said "Oh wow she's smiling - she hasn't smiled at me yet!" I just said Oh it's bcause you've come home" and didn't tell her she'd been beaming all morning.

I don't know, I think as a nanny I work really closely with the family and have a really good relationship with them and that they would be quite happy for me to tell them of their child's development! I write everything that happens in my charge's diary anyway!