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Original poster

Just didn't feel right

17 replies

fivesacrowd · 23/02/2011 11:38

Am newly reg CM and already have 2 babies to look after. Was asked by local retiring CM to meet one of her parents about looking after her 2dc's from this summer when she stops working. Met the mum who was lovely tbh but kept going on and on about how wonderful retiring cm is and how difficult she's finding the prospect of trusting someone else. She then kept pointing out all the negative things about her dc having to fit in with my 3 dc who get picked up from school at different times and then do various activities after school - other mums I work for think this is a good thing, but she wanted precious dc to have down time after school and not be out and about which is her choice and i'm OK with that but not prepared to stop picking my kids up to suit her.
Anyway to my huge surprise she phoned a week later to ask if her husband could come and meet me but by that time I'd been asked to look after one of my baby mindees for an extra day and didn't have space. She was a bit upset on the phone cos said she thought i was the best cm she'd seen - turns out she'd seen most in area and none of them were suitable. I just thought she's be a bit of a nightmare to work for.
Problem is I've to go to a local cm group meeting tonight and lovely retiring cm will be there who is very fond of the mum so how do I explain not taking on the kids without offending her?

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Original poster
fivesacrowd · 23/02/2011 11:39

Am newly reg CM and already have 2 babies to look after. Was asked by local retiring CM to meet one of her parents about looking after her 2dc's from this summer when she stops working. Met the mum who was lovely tbh but kept going on and on about how wonderful retiring cm is and how difficult she's finding the prospect of trusting someone else. She then kept pointing out all the negative things about her dc having to fit in with my 3 dc who get picked up from school at different times and then do various activities after school - other mums I work for think this is a good thing, but she wanted precious dc to have down time after school and not be out and about which is her choice and i'm OK with that but not prepared to stop picking my kids up to suit her.
Anyway to my huge surprise she phoned a week later to ask if her husband could come and meet me but by that time I'd been asked to look after one of my baby mindees for an extra day and didn't have space. She was a bit upset on the phone cos said she thought i was the best cm she'd seen - turns out she'd seen most in area and none of them were suitable. I just thought she's be a bit of a nightmare to work for.
Problem is I've to go to a local cm group meeting tonight and lovely retiring cm will be there who is very fond of the mum so how do I explain not taking on the kids without offending her?

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Original poster
fivesacrowd · 23/02/2011 11:49

Sorry no idea how I double posted Blush. Obv need Brew.

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JenniPenni · 23/02/2011 11:50

As a parent has to go on their gut feel about whether to use a childminder or not, we as childminders have to do the same.

Your gut instinct was she might be difficult/try telling you what you should be doing with your afternoons. So she wouldn't have worked out, as this is not possible.

Re the retiring CM, how could you possibly offend her? It didn't work out... the parent wasn't happy about the school runs and after school activities your dc do, and she got back to you after you had filled that vacancy.

I have also had upset prospective parents on the phone who have got back to me too late. I rarely have places become available and they are filled quickly (luckily I live in nappy valley). It's just one of those things though in this business of ours.

It's just one of those things. Don't feel bad tonight :)

SnapFrakkleAndPop · 23/02/2011 11:54

Don't feel bad. You had space, she came to see you, she dithered, you no longer have space. No need to go into your feelings about her.

Original poster
fivesacrowd · 23/02/2011 11:59

Thanks JenniPenni just don't want to go to meeting for first time and have bad atmosphere. Won't tell other cm that mum looked shocked when I said I wouldn't allow her ds to lick my patio doors and conservatory windows - seems he's allowed to do that there. I said I wouldn't let him do things my own kids would never get away with. Just writing this is reminding me I think I swerved a bullet!

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JenniPenni · 23/02/2011 12:06

Shock I think you've swerved a bullet alright!

If she has been CMing for a long time (by the sounds of it she has), then she knows how things go, try not to worry. Just keep it to the point if she asks... 'Mum of X got back to me too late, the vacancy had already been filled'.

leeloo1 · 23/02/2011 13:04

fivesacrowd ... bit off-topic, but I do think you are very, very mean! Why wouldn't you let the poor DC lick the windows? Don't you know we're meant to follow the children's interests? Perhaps the DC has a licking fetish that you really should be encouraging!

Grin and [boak emoticon]

underpaidandoverworked · 23/02/2011 13:37

licking windows???? eeeewww !!!!Does that class as free play???? Or freedom of expression............

I always make it clear that the space is there NOW but dither and it might go! Also have to say, I would never let a parent dictate my routine to me - some things, like school runs and afterschool clubs, have to be done. If they want a nanny at their beck and call then let them become employers instead of service users.

Yes - am having a bad day today Sad

Original poster
fivesacrowd · 23/02/2011 13:51

DH thinks licking windows labrador behaviour and wonders if he'd chase cars too - I didn't meet kids however as was much more important for mum to visit then dad to inspect home before I was allowed to meet kids. Which is fine cos I can understand her not wanting to trail them around every cm in area, but she was Confused when I said I'd need to meet the dc and let them meet my lot before I would commit to looking after them.

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nannyl · 23/02/2011 13:52

i wouldnt worry at all
someone else beat her to the places you had avaliable... simple as

and yes sounds like a lucky escape!

Original poster
fivesacrowd · 23/02/2011 13:55

leelo sun just hit windows and I've realised how manky they are - maybe he'd have cleaned them licking them! That would be a fun risk assessment - can't clean windows for risk of poisoning by windolene.

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underpaidandoverworked · 23/02/2011 14:03

You didnt even meet DC????

Sounds weird............. Never had an interview wth parents when kids werent there! Hmm

Definitely a lucky escape.

Off to risk assess window cleaner..............

RosieGirl · 23/02/2011 14:12

I know how you feel, I have had someone around who said she has looked into a nanny, but found it too expensive, then TOLD me that she would need A picking up from school, B picking up from a different nursery and care for C - not even asking if I could pick up from any of the above. Then told me how I would be handy in the school holidays [hmn], even after I explained I was restricted by numbers and was already too busy to have extra in the school holidays. I very politely said she may be better using a nanny or au-pair.

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/02/2011 15:13

she allows her child to lick windows? Hmm

run and dont look back Grin

dont feel bad, she saw you, and didnt commit to space, and now it is filled,her fault (and your lucky escape tbh)

go and enjoy Brew or Wine

Original poster
fivesacrowd · 23/02/2011 15:40

Thankyou lovely cm advisors - will now go and pick my own non-window licking dcs from school then Brew

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 23/02/2011 19:08

hah a lucky escape I feel

I choose my parents as carefully as they choose me; I've only had one family that got through my net before revealing themselves to be um how to put it - high-maintenance wrt money (quibbled every single effing bill for 2 years) I got rid in the end, it was just too wearying to repeat myself every month

Original poster
fivesacrowd · 24/02/2011 09:35

Went to meeting and had chat with retiring cm. She wasn't surprised I wasn't that keen to take the family on but said it had softened the blow a bit that I'd filled the space rather than telling them I couldn't deal with the hassel. So feeling better about the whole thing now and put it down to experience. Thanks again for advice Smile

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