CMs with own baby/ young DCs?

[beaniehat]

This question is aimed both at parents with DCs being minded by CM's with young DCs and CMs themselves. Do the DCs of the CM get preferential treatment - I have heard stories of mindees being given rubbish to eat whilst CM's DCs get the better stuff and that worries me a lot.

Should this be a concern of mine - I'm going to visit a CM with a very young baby and a 2r old DC. How could I approach the CM about this without offending her too much!

well mostly those are just that - stories

a CM is a professional, and all that I know (including me) put the minded children first; regulations mean that standards of care must be adhered to, including a good standard of food/snacks if provided by the CM (they don't have to, it's all about what each individual CM offers)

If you are worried about food then provide your own, to head off those worries

HTH

I am a CM with a 18mth old. We all eat better when the mindees are here because it's a professional duty of care. Also, parents have requested for their dcs to have water not squash at playgroups which I am fine with.
The way not to offend the CM is to ask general questions about her healthy eating policy and food rather than 'Do you feed the mindees crap and your own the good stuff?'....common sense, no?
Also, where have the stories come from? how do you know they are true?

Goodness no - if anything its the other way round - my paying customers get the good stuff!! I feel I need to make more effort with mindees for whatever reason. (Poor neglected children of mine!)

Excuse name - forgot to change back to normal one

TBH, I was more strict with my own DC before he started school than I was with mindees!! Everyone eats the same - healthy! - food and there is no preferential treatment at all. Infact my son has a crap diet compared to mindees - he's so bloody faddy and fussy it infuriates me .

I've minded since DS was 10mths - he's now 6.3 - and am still more 'firm' with him when he gets out of order than with the 'charges'!

To be honest I saw some real horror stories when I started taking my ds to toddler groups and music with mummy etc. This was several years ago now, but there was the childminder who said she could only physically look after one baby and her 2yr old, so her solution was to leave one baby in the car (either her own baby or the mindee) and then swap them!!! If the babies or mindees fell asleep in the car, she would leave them in the car outside the toddler group even when it was below freezing outside and often with a dog in the car!!! I did speak to her about this, and when she took no notice to the leader of the toddler group.
And then when i used to go to a music class, there was the woman who brought her own dd and a mindee. It used to break my heart, because the mindee used to be sat on the floor in front of the childminder with no contact whilst the dd and all the other children were sat on their mother's laps. Even when he cried she didn't pick him up. One week his mother came, and the difference was so noticible.
Sorry this probably won't make you feel better. The best childminder I have seen, was an older woman, whose own children were grown up, and she went out of her way to look after her mindees.

Not only will this lady your going to see take good care of your child. And treat your little one like part of the family but you may also find the friendship your little one forms with the minders children are longstanding. Iv minded when my kids were young and now they are teens. Ignore stories go with your gut. Ask for references. Etc

I have minded since my dd was a baby and she's at secondary school now. Most minders I know treat the mindees better than their own children. I have always fed all the children the same food all together. I used to take my mindees to music classes with my dd and quite often dd would be taken by another parent or the teacher, because i was not giving her as much attention.

I am sure there are minders who do the opposite, but I haven't met them.

There is just one hour in the week when my DD, aged 18 months, comes first. She attends a gym club with me and me only: no mindees.

We've carefully planned this. We've reduced our numbers during that time so DH, also registered, can look after them by himself.

My DD has shared her parents, her family, her home and her toys since she was 2 weeks old. Just for that one hour a week, she has me all to herself.
Otherwise the minded children are treated as part of the family. I can't imagine treating them differently to my kids: it's hard enough just ensuring that one hour a week for DD!

Tbh if I gave crap to my minded children ds1 would want it too . Everyone is treated equally here, and as others have said mine often get treated more harshly, have to wait etc. I had a baby in September and took three weeks off, there's always room for another on my lap and often the minded children need the cuddles more as they are away from mum. They are all part of my family and if you don't feel this Childminder will do the same go elsewhere! Good luck.

Agree with the other posters, for me it's the other way round (bad mummy :()! As for that story about toddler group and baby in the car . That's disgusting and I can't believe someone would think that's ok. Blimey, I used to go to group with 4 under 19 months and although a pain to get in and out, I'd never even think about leaving them in the car!!! BUT, with anything you always get those who are totally unprofessional but you shouldn't judge all childminders like that as most of us are professional and care very much for our mindees/extended family :)

I think gut feeling says a lot. As for the food, just ask about what food they provide and whether or not they have a sample menu.

Good luck :)

Bluebell if your post is true then why on earth didnt you take some proper action??

call Ofsted or actually the police. if a child is left in a car alone thats actual neglect so I am not sure why you would post this story.. it shows criminal neglect on more than just the cms part..

what were you all thinking of in this toddler group session.. very strange behaviour on all your parts imo..

my dcs come last behind the mindees needs.. I feed them much healthier food than I ever did my own but they get the same love, cuddles and care that my own kids got.

dont listen to tales.. make your own judgements..

Once my mindee is off puree then she will be fed exactly the same as DD (10mo). Any other mindees I get will also be fed exactly the same as DD.

In fact, mindee probably gets more time on my lap/cuddles than DD (only 10 weeks between them) as I want to make sure she feels happy and secure when she's with me.

My Dd and my mindees get all the same food, and i eat it too.

I don't make seperate meals for everyone, we all eat a healthy well balanced diet when we are in my house. So no favouritism at all.

I would say that my mindees probably get more time with me than my DD does. For instance at book big sessions at library, mindee (12month) will sit on my knee for the entire thing, my dd will sit on my knee for parts of it, but i have two knees for a reason you see!!!

I wouldn't listen to horror stories as as we know things like happen in all differnet kinds of care settings, not just cm.

I'm really interested to find out bluebell what you did after the cm didnt listen to you? Did you continue to watch her every week leave a baby in a car with a dog in sub zero temp? Or did you phone the police? Contact ofsted/cc? Or just let it go? Do lets us all know what you did!!!

Firstly I think you are right to be concerned about giving offence. If I am honest, I would be put off offering a place to a family who appeared to harbour insulting suspicions - it just doesn't bode well for a close partnership. The vast majority of childminders are very decent people and wouldn't dream of mistreating their charges in any way. I also think most parents have good instincts when it comes to making choices for their children, and probably get a good feel as to whether the carer shares their values without having to ask questions which would offend. For example, in answer to an open question such as "How do you manage mealtimes?" I would probably volunteer that we all eat together and that I try to offer healthy balanced meals and that as far as possible we eat the same (adapted as necessary to the ages of the minded children and any special dietary needs). I'd also be happy for you to talk with parents of my other charges.

Of course my post is true, why would I make it up!! There is no way I would have left a child in her care, and when she applied to run a preschool and I was on the committee I told the chair about my concerns, but she was still given the job.I was told that working in a preschool setting was different to childminding as she wouldn't be alone with the children. I removed my children from the preschool. (and fell out with some people as a result.)
I do think parents need to have good instincts when employing a childminder because you only had to speak to this woman to realise her ideas were seriously screwed up. One baby she looked after cried all the time, and I asked how she coped with it and she said I shut him upstairs because otherwise it upsets the other children!!! So ask the childminder what she would do! This one would have told you!!

Bluebell, a parent does NOT employ a childminder. You pay a fee for a service that the childminder provides.

But as i said Bluebell, what did you do?

'Did you continue to watch her every week leave a baby in a car with a dog in sub zero temp? Or did you phone the police? Contact ofsted/cc? Or just let it go? Do lets us all know what you did!!!' from my post above!

Bluebell, a parent does NOT employ a childminder. You pay a fee for a service that the childminder provides.

But as i said Bluebell, what did you do?

'Did you continue to watch her every week leave a baby in a car with a dog in sub zero temp? Or did you phone the police? Contact ofsted/cc? Or just let it go? Do lets us all know what you did!!!' from my post above!

Bluebell, a parent does NOT employ a childminder. You pay a fee for a service that the childminder provides.

But as i said Bluebell, what did you do?

'Did you continue to watch her every week leave a baby in a car with a dog in sub zero temp? Or did you phone the police? Contact ofsted/cc? Or just let it go? Do lets us all know what you did!!!' from my post above!

I've got 3 DCs of my own and childmind full time, my DC have always known the house to be full and busy and are very good at waiting for attention e.g. at pick up times (as it's often the parents that demand more one to one time than anyone else).

We all eat the same unless parent's supply the food, which often has treats in so in that respect it's my DCs missing out.

I would ask to do some visits, I know people can put on a front but with something like this the children will display signs of the true circumstances.

Hope that helps

Whatever Pollywolly - employ or use the services of, it doesn't matter to me, as I didn't have to use a childminder to look aftrer my children. Sadly that childminder died tragically and suddenly about four or five years ago, she is no longer looking after anyone's children. Feel better about it now? My friend had to go and collect her children from school knowing that she had been killed in an accident, as she had been listed as to who to contact in an emergency. Children had to move away to live with their estranged father.

I'm sorry that your old cm died, but i didnt mention anything about that!! lol

You still havent said what you did about that cm? Did you report her? Phone the police? Or did you continue to watch her leave those children in the car, outside, all alone, or with the dog.

And again, you don't employ. But you do use the services of a cm. You don't employ, as you do not pay our tax, or our ni or set our 'wage'.

Of course i don't mean YOU, the word you is just used as a generalisation, as you have stated you no longer use the services of a cm.

pollywolly agree with you entirely.. cant actually belive someone would watch this behaviour and not report it properly.. the pre school leader is actually not the one to report it to either.. ofsted and or the police...

I just don't know what kind of person would do that? I know i couldn't. I'd phone the police if she didnt listen to me. And would keep phoning if she continued to do it