don't like other child at minder's

[mootie]

My dcs have been with lovely CM since dd was one. CM now picks up dd from school and takes care of ds. All good, generally. The problem is dd is struggling to settle in a school, and has complained about a child at school being mean to her... and that child is now also being picked up by CM and kept for a couple of hours.
It seems unreasonable for me to ask CM not to mind other child, and I was planning to explain my concerns, but really I am PO, and concerned about doing what's best for my dd. What should I do?

well, i would first have a chat with dd's teacher and ask her to keep an eye on htem at school, and ask if she has noticed anything

then, i would speak to CM and just ask her to keep an eye on them too. it needn't be a problem.
you may well find that in this other situation, where your DD is on her own territory (more or less) that the other child is totally different anyway

Talk to the CM.

Not in terms of not minding the other child, but rather to explain that your DD is finding this hard, what has she observed, and what does she think should be done now to encourage a better relationship between the two.

It might also be worth raising this as next parents' evening, or if it can't wait, then making an appointment to talk it through with her teacher soon.

How old are they?

They are in reception. They have played together before, and I find other child difficult, in a way that's hard to put a finger on. Can one serious call a 4yo manipulative?
I hadn't thought of talking to teacher about the child.
I think I am mostly cross that dd has to deal with this child at school AND in 'safe place' that is CM. I want to be able to tell CM to not mind the other child, but I know that's unreasonable.

Hi mootie, sorry to hear your daughter is having problems. I think you are right in that it would be unreasonable to ask the cm not to mind the other child, but it sounds as if you have known the minder a while. I would have a chat with her - arrange a proper time to discuss your concerns without the children listening in rather than at the door on pick-up. Has the cm noticed the other girl being mean at her house? A good cm should be able to take on board your concerns and may have some strategies for helping the girls to get along. Are they in the same class at school? Maybe speak to the teacher too regarding your dd settling in?

Hope you get things sorted soon.

First and foremost get things sorted at school.
Regardless of where your child is and where this other child is.... your child should not be having to put up with it.

At the same time - go and explain to the minder.

Any teacher/minder/provider worth their salt will have strategies in place to deal with 'bullying' behaviours.

Mind you, I do feel for you, I cared for a mindee who bullied my son... they were in the same nursery class as well. I tried all sorts of things to assist both my son and the mindee. It all got sorted in the end - I gave notice to the mindee as the parent was in complete denial but thankfully the teachers at school were terrific.