Need a reassuring hug about childcare

[SharkSkinThing]

I know this is going to come across as stupidly precious and up my own arsey but I am genuinely very upset about this.

DS is 6 months old, first (and last!) child, and I'll be going back to work in July when he's a year.

We have decided to use a childminder as it gives more flexibility with drop off/pick up times.

The thing is, the whole situation makes me distraught, I just can't face the thought of leaving him and returning to work - and I am lucky to have a lovely job which I have worked very hard to get. Stupid, right?

Is this common, to not to want to leave your child? I feel like his childhood will slip away whilst I am somewhere else. There is no option of not going back - money is tight, and I do know that deep down it is for the best.

So why do I feel like my heart is being ripped out?

Please, anyone, give me the positives about this situation.

x

im not a mum but have seen what you have described by a few of my employers

not at all stupid, and esp if your 1st/last baby.

you say there is no option about going back,but are you sure, ive had a job where mum said they had to go back as couldnt afford not to,yet a few months down the line she gave up and rebudgeted and manage on dh salary alone

or work a few evenings in a local shop to make ends meet

are you going back part time/full time - can you manage to shift your days about so can maybe work from home one day/do shorter hours

are you totally happy with your cm? or have you even found one as not for 6mths yet

maybe look about for one and get to know her, also so your ds will get to know her and settle well there

remember that even if you do go back to work, and your child is with someone else all day, they will ALWAYS know you as mummy and doesnt mean they love you any less if they are happy and love their childcarer as well

a childs love is alike an elastic band, it just stretches with new people they meet

Sharkskin - You are in the same position as I am, I go back to work in June and my 1st child will be going to either childminder or nursery. We are in the process of deciding what/who to use. It is breaking my heart as I keep on thinking of the things that could go wrong and start imagining her not being the happy little girl she is now.

I know I am being stupid as all my friends/families children who have gone into childcare love it and generally don't want to leave at the end of the day.

But I think these feelings are natural and are probably a way to ensure that we are looking out for our little one's and being aware of the possible (though highly unlikely) risks out there.

The way I figure in a years time it will just be 'life'.

Good luck though

I think your feelings are completely normal and understandable.

Maybe in your head, you're better off thinking you'll give it 3 months of childcare and then review and see how you are all doing, rather than see his whole childhood rushing by.

To give you the other side, I am in the process of becoming a childminder, hoping to be registered in the next couple of months. I am really excited about looking after other people's children and look forward to happy times helping them grow and develop and I see it as a huge privilege that people will be happy to leave their children with me (I hope!). Maybe your DS will have the best of both worlds?

Hi it is perfectly normal to feel worried about leaving your precious child with somebody unknown.

You have six months to ensure you have found the right childminder and to develop that relationship.

Can I suggest you start trying to settle your child in in advance. My settling in period is normally four weeks but can be extended as needed.

As a childminder I start off gradually by the child attending with their main carer for an hour to see how child accepts a different environment and a new face. Next step is main carer leaves child for a very short period of time e.g. ten minutes whilst they go to the shop this ensures the child understands their main carer will return and collect them. We then gradually extend these times at the child's pace until we are able to get to a whole day or week. I always ensure parents know they can contact me during the day to see how their child is settling in. I have used a method similar to this for over 7 years. I have never had a child not settle and I can honestly say as the relationship between cm and parent develops that feeling of unease does settle.

As a parent I remember only to well that feeling of unease but I can not remember when it felt right leaving my dc with somebody else as it just happens one day and you don't even notice. Hope this helps.

Perfectly normal, don't worry. I am a CM and like LM1, I offer settling in sessions for new parents. The children can start by coming for as little as half an hour and gradually build up to their first full day. I stress to parents that what they are feeling is very normal and that the settling in period is more for them really than for their child. I generally find the children settle really quickly.

Regardless of what you decide, you will always be his parent and he will never forget that.

Thanks so much everyone - I was beginning to think I was a bit bonkers as I am so overwhelmed with just how much I love my DS, and how I want to soak up every moment of his development. Not in a weird smother-mummy way, just in that he's my best chum, and I love hanging out with him, especially now as it's getting a little easier (famous last words!).

I know I'm a sane, rational and practical human being, and I feel very strongly that children should have positive role models in both parents working (and also that being a SAHM is a great thing, I believe in free choice!), and I know that I am lucky to have a great job at a university which I would be a fool to give up.

Blondes - I'm gong back p/t, but mornings only, so that way I can have every afternoon with my DS - I am aware how lucky o am that I can do this, and that I'm able to have a year, too.

Twist, HSMM and LM1 - thanks, I really appreciate your CM advice. It's funny, but that's exactly what I was thinking, that my DS wouldn't love me anymore!

So. Deep breath and I need to start visiting some local CM's!

Thanks so much again everyone, I do really feel a little better! x

Truckdriver - sorry, meant to say good luck to you too. We're not stupid, we just love our kids.

sharkskinthing Glad you feeling slightly better meant to add your ds will also build up a lovely learning journal with his childminder which is a folder or scrap book of moments of his life you can look back on. This is how childminders record children's progress to comply with the early years foundation stage but they make lovely keepsakes. You won't miss out on his development and you will have somebody else to share his achievements with