my sons not happy at the childminders

[tray21]

is there anybody who can help me.
since the start of the new term, my two sons have been going to a childminder,she has not been doing it for long my two children are here first,recently my youngest son starts to get up set after i leave him,firstly we thought it was going into a new class,but now and again he says he does not want to go to her,he says he likes his dad and myself to take him,his older brother has no problem,what can i do ive tryed everything i can think of,please help.

My DS loved/loves his CM until he went to big school, he then announced that he is a big boy and is not going anymore.

He is on half days so I pick him up, and drop him to the CM he whinges all the way there, in between telling me he doesn't remember what he did in school.

The first few evenings he was delighted to see me.

Now when I pick him up he moans because he doesn't want to go home,children will manipulate you if they feel they can.

I very much doubt if it is anything to do with the actual CM.

have you talked to the cm? What is he like once you have gone? I'm sure if she is any good she will tell you the truth

I would ask him first exactly what it is that he doesn't like about going.

If it is purely because he wants you to pick him up, then that's something a lot of us minders have probably had to deal with! If there is a specific problem (eg. no suitable toys/activities, she tells him off, he doesn't like another child there, etc), then that would need to be addressed differently.

hi thanks for your reply guys,i have asked my son all week whats going on,but im still none the wiser,i have approached the cm about the problem but being as she has just started doing the cm,i dont think she has the experience( dont take this the wrong way other cm) to handle the situation.
when i leave him my cm says it takes a while for him to come round,there is only his brother and himself there.

If he really doesn't have a specific reason to be unhappy, then maybe it is just because he'd prefer to stay with you.

I minded a 7 year old boy afterschool for about 18 months. He had his best friend here too, and the pair of them had great fun and there were absolutely no problems. However, he would beg his mum to collect him from school because that's what he wanted (his mum, not manky childminder!) His mum was finally able to change her working hours, and he was really happy. She has since confided in me that he has admitted (to his mum only) that he misses his best mate and all the fun things that we did!!

Does your minder have children of her own?

What does your older son say about it? Can he tell you what sort of things they do at the minders? What exactly does your childminder say about how she helps him "come round"? She may not have the experience, but she must be able talk to you.

i had to change my shift at work(yet again),this why i had to find a cm,if i could stay at home i would,my cm she has a one year old,i have to take my two sons there quite early in the morning,( i hate geting them up so early in the morning).they have breakfast there which my youngest son has not been having very much,my cm is also geting frushstrated on not knowing what to do for the best,have you any advise for me which might help.

I'm not suggesting that you should give up work because that's what your son wants!! How old are your children?

my older son is 9 and the little one is 6,

A 6 year old should be able to say what it is he doesn't like. Tell him that whatever the reason is, you won't think it's silly.

If he doesn't eat much breakfast, is this because he doesn't like what's on offer? Can he take something from home?

Does he have suitable toys/activities to play with? Could he take something from home?

Ask him if the childminder is kind to him? What does she say to him? Does she give him a hug if he's sad? Does he feel ignored?

Ask him direct questions that require a yes/no answer rather than "what is it you don't like?"

And what does your older lad say about it?

WE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO TALK TO HIM IN STAGES OVER THE WEEKEND ABOUT WHY HE FEELS THE WAY HE DOESE,HE SAYS A FEW SILLY THINGS LIKE HE DOSES NOT LIKE THE COLOUR OF HER TELEVISION AND THE STAIR CARPETS,HE ALSO SAYS SHE IS STRICT,BUT MY OLDER SON SAYS SHES OK,MY LITTLE ONE SAYS THERE ARE NOT MANY TOYS ONLY BABY ONES.
WE HAVE BROUGHT HIM SOME THINGS HE CAN TAKE OF HIS OWN,AND NO WHEN HE IS SAD THE CM DOESE NOT GIVE HIM A CUDDLE,SOMETIMES WITH HIM IT TAKES A LONG TIME FOR HIM TO LET SOMEONE GET CLOSE TO HIM.
I HAVE ASKED MY ELDEST SON TO KEEP AN EYE OUT AND LET ME KNOW IF THERES ANYTHING GOING ON.

If the childminder is fairly new to it, she may not have enough toys/activities for your boys, particularly as her own child is still a baby. It is something she will obviously have to sort out if this is one of the problems!

Good luck for this week, and hopefully your older child can let you know what's happening. Try not to worry!

thanks for the advice and thanks for listening.

How's your ds doing this week?

hes not to bad,he is still upset when i leave him whenever i go to work,hes dad looked after him today as i was leaving for work he still got upset.
ive had another setback,my cm is not going to be able to take my sons to school for me,shes giving it up.

She doesn't sound as though she was enjoying it if she's only newly registered too! To be honest, if she only has a baby of her own, it must be hard to have older children if you're not used to them (older children that is). It may be something that your ds had "picked up on". (I only had dds of my own, and it was a bit of a shock minding boys - they are so different!) I hope you manage to find someone else!

yes so do i ,ive had so many let downs over finding cms,i get the impression is someone giving me a message,anyway thanks for listening.(smile)