Nanny Share - too big an ask?

[LondonKiwiMum]

we have a DD 21 months and DS 6 weeks.

DD has been in a nursery since 6 months old full time. however, it is english only and we are keen to change her to a french nursery, which will only accept children from 18 months.

i am going to have to go back to work full time when ds is between 7 to 9 months. i am going to ask for a 4 day week, but expect to be rejected. :(

my question is: can a nanny have primary care of DS, a similarly aged (or perhaps older?) child from another family as a share and still drop off and pick up DD from nursery as it finishes at 3pm each day except wednesdays? the nursery is really close, we have a double buggy and DD should be able to walk if hand is held closely.

the nursery we want follows the french system so wed afternoons are off and it observes french school hols. we will take our holidays likely in the same times, but there will definitely be weeks where dd is at home with nanny and the other kids.

i have never hired a nanny and i am not sure if this is too much to ask in terms of workload. i was proposing to ask 8 to 630 as hours, only child related duties and we have a cleaner already who comes for 4 hours/ week.

For a nanny to look after 2 young children at home, they would need to be quite experienced I would think. Being at the same developmental stage, or just in slightly different stages is very difficult to juggle. Both need assistance with feeding, naps could be out of sync (1 needing 1 nap, the other needing 2) etc.

But that's not to say it's not doable. 3.00 pm pick up is quite normal, and parents have to do it all the time.

An experienced nanny should have no problems with this!

Why a share, does not sound as if you already have a family in mind.

No problem with a nanny caring for 3 children. Harder thing I expect will be finding a share family who want the same work hours, who want the care to take place at your home, rather than theirs (or do you not mind getting your children up early and taking them to another place), fitting holidays around the share family, finding a share family with the same/similar views regarding childrearing etc.
Look at the finances, see if having a nanny just for your family would work, even if that means your DD does less days at the french nursery. If she went to nursery say 2 days a week, nanny could then take her to a french toddler group (if there is one, seeing that there is a french nursery I am guessing there must be other french lanuage groups) one morning a week.

Would you be wanting a french speaking nanny? If so and it was a share, would the other family be wanting a french speaking nanny?

As long as all the children get on and both family's sounds like it could be a nice job. \No time to get bored, Children should have each other for company.

You will need a organized nanny so she is able to get out of the house. A buggy board might be useful until the nanny has got to know your dd and trust her to hold hands.

good points, i don't yet have a family in mind and i am unsure about having a french speaking nanny only. i would be keen, but it seems to really limit our options so i might have to be flexible on that. there is a french playgroup friday morns a short drive from our house, so that might be an option.

if we did get a french speaking nanny, DD could do less days at nursery. i would prefer her to be mingling with kids her age as much as possible as she has always been the oldest in her group at nursery, but perhaps i am being too sensitive on this point.

i do live in an area with a lot of french families, so i may be able to find a share with another french family of we went the french speaking route, which may solve some of the holiday issues.

dim question here, i assume usually we find the share family first and then the nanny, right? i am really new to this!

Re which to find first, it depends whether you could get by financially employing the nanny without sharing - if so, I would employ the nanny first (obviously being open about the share situation) and then look for a sharing family.

If the share is absolutely essential financially, then I would find the share family first tbh.

Having said that, why not put the word out anyway - what about making sure that all the families who use the nursery know your plans? Maybe there could be another child there whose parents need something similar?

We originally went into a share with a family who advertised in our local residents' newsletter. That was amazing and because it was cheap for us, we were always flexible with the hours we took up. I also covered the odd day when the nanny couldn't make it in, or sometimes we would swap so that I covered the morning and the employing family the afternoon.

Nannies can and often do. A family with 1 baby may be very amenable to a share like you describe as an alternative to nursery, even if only part-time. It may also, if you get your 4 day week, give a nanny a 5 day job if they want it. Babies close in age are no different to twins, more than 3 months apart and you start running into problems because as soon as one is out of a phase the next one is into it and bad patches feel like they last twice as long! Just my opinion though, you'll pribably find other nannies who say different!

3 under 5, 2 under 1 will limit the activities nanny can do. Swimming is out for example, so a PT share might be a good thing again to give your younger one some 1-1 time.

French speaking nannies aren't that hard to find in certain parts of London if you know where to look but do be aware they're probably going to be French. Sounds obvious but that means they are likely to have some very typically French views on things which are in direct opposition to UK parenting styles and you might have to communicate your expectations on routine, bottle making, discipline, suitable activities very clearly.

You may also find a French nanny who's worked in the UK fir ages and adapted to what UK parents expect or a nanny who is simply French speaking!

Shares are logistically complex, once you've got over the first hurdle of finding another family, and nannies typically get more on a per hour basis to compensate for juggling employers' differing requirements, holidays and the children's needs. You need to have a clearly defined setup with clear contracts and payment arrangements and a contingency plan for one party giving notice/the share not working.