ex-nanny attempted suicide -what to tell dd?

[bison55]

Have name changed for confidentiality, but wanted advice.
Dd - 16- Has text and said she has discovered on Facebook that ex nanny took an overdose over new year and is in hospital. She wants to see her. I've asked her not to tell Dd2 -8- as she has known nanny her whole life, and think it may be hard to explain. I know though, that she will want to see her, especially if big sister is too.
I have a good relationship with ex-nanny, she left in 09 after being with us for 6 years, as she wanted to study her ma. I knew she had been depressed, but never imagined like this!
Now have a two hour train journey to plan what to say to Dds about it. Any suggestions?

ex-nanny is a friend of the family.
So what if it was someone else who was a friend of the family... would you want DD2 knowing about it?

DD1 already knows that ex-nanny took an overdose. Would DD2 need to know the reason why ex-nanny was in hospital - or would just saying she was unwell be sufficient?

Don't just turn up at hospital - a terrible idea.

Do you have contact info for any of nanny's family or friends? If so, you (not your dd) should get in touch to express concern and find out a bit more about what is going on so you can judge next steps (if any).

Maybe have your dd's start by sending a card?

Does your ex nanny want to see your dd though because if she's feeling fragile she might not want to, she might feel pressured to behave normally and obviously if she attempting sucide isn't actually feeling normal. I tried to OD many many years ago and the next day felt so stupid and didn't want it to be public knowledge tbh. I felt very ashamed for trying to dodge out of life/ responsibility and felt so bad I could have hurt those I loved What about suggesting you send a card and maybe flowers or chocolates or perfume to cheer her up and let her know you all care and are there for her if she wants you to visit then maybe see her once she's out of hospital so dd2 can come too but be careful not to go into detail over what happened whilst you are visiting in front of Dd2? (unless you don't mind dd2 knowing but I'm personally not sure I'd want my 8yr old to know about it and your ex nanny mimght not want her to find out either?)

I've text a friend of hers to see about visiting/sending a card etc. She has no family, but lots of friends. I don't think Dd2 needs to know anything about it, and id rather Dd1 didn't see her, but she is very close. Just dreading getting home and having to answer the questions she will have and sorting the Facebook rumours and heresay 16 year olds seem to know!

Fwiw - I think it is a huge invasion of privacy and terrible judgement for someone to have posted about this incident on Facebook.

The nanny's depression and distress now simply become gossip fodder. Making this public knowledge via social networking does nothing to help her situation and/or frame of mind. This woman needs help - not betrayal from 'friends' with no discretion.

maybe the nanny herself posted on fb rather than a friend

as others wise dd wouldnt have been able to see it

i personally would call/text your ex nanny BEFORE you go and see her and see what she wants

hope she gets the help she needs

I've text a friend of hers to see about visiting/sending a card etc. She has no family, but lots of friends. I don't think Dd2 needs to know anything about it, and id rather Dd1 didn't see her, but she is very close. Just dreading getting home and having to answer the questions she will have and sorting the Facebook rumours and heresay 16 year olds seem to know!

Hmmm, not sure why message posted twice!
Dd1 was told on Facebook by a friend, who is ex nannys god-daughter. They are good friends, and grown up together.