au pairs??

[BlueCollie]

Hi
I'm looking at getting an au pair in the future but I didn't realise that they can't be left alone with a child. I wanted to get one because my husband doesn't live me during week and I am a nurse and work 2 nights a week plus a long day shift. At the moment my mum looks after my DS but we are trying for another child and feel two may be too much for her. Is it really not allowed to let an au pair look after you kids if you aren't there? I think a Nanny would cost more than I earn. Really at a loss as to what to do. Any help appreciated.

How old is your child? If she/he is young no you should not leave the au pair in sole charge as they have no experience and you would be putting your child in danger. Au pair is supposed to be just an extra pair of hands not a nanny.
For what you described you need a nanny (if you want the care to take place in your own house) or a childminder who is registered for overnight care (if you don't mind the care taking place in childminder's home). If you're using a registered childminder or Ofsted registered nanny (not all nannies are registered) you can get help with childcare cost either through Tax Credits if you're on low income or through childcare voucher scheme via your employer. Check this out as you may be entitled to some help with childcare cost and it may make it affordable.

Also i think au pairs are only supposed to do 25 hours a week and your arrangement sounds like more that that.

I think they are fine to be left alone with school aged kids and maybe 3-5s for v short periods if they have experience.

Could you change your shift pattern to do more days so you could use after school/nursery/childminders?

Firstly aside from A2 nationals au pairs (hate the term) can work as much as you and they agree for appropriate pay. Therefore they are no more or less expensive than a live in unqualified inexperienced nanny, which really is what they are.

They shouldn't be left alone with young children because on general they have limited experience, no qualifucation and limited English which is a) potentially dangerous in an emergency and b) not great for your DCs linguistic development over long periods unless you specifically want a native speaker of a foreign language so your DC can learn it.

Au pairs can get OFSTED registered but it takes a long time, they need to do various courses in this country and a CRB will take a while to cone through.

Overall if you're planning to leave them with a toddler and a baby I would be happy with someone inexperienced, unqualified and far from home.

The good news is you seem to have space for a live in nanny which brings the cost down, many nannies are or are ready to become OFSTED registered and newly qualified nannies are often more affordable than people think.

How many hours do you think you'd need? And what's your childcare budget?

2 nights plus long day means you're going to be sleeping 2 of those days occasionally, so you need 3 days plus 2 nights of care which is a lot and I would say not attractive to an au pair (certainly it would cost more than the £75/25 hours standard). Plus factor in shift work and they won't be able to do English classes.

I think a 'cheap' nanny might be your best bet.

Gah I wouldn't be happy with...

I see your points about it not being safe. It is just that I find with the nights that it is quite stressful for me to get my son fed and bathed and get him to my mum's for 18:30 both wednesday and thursday nights. I pick him up from my mum's on Thursday around 2pm and so have very little sleep over 48 hours and it is dreadful plus hard to stay awake for nightshift although the abusive drunks in A and E do help LOL. My son is really easy and pretty much sleeps from 7 until 7 so I was thinking at it from the point of view that they wouldn't have to do much. I have fixed shifts so that my mum could have him but not take up her whole week and also so that I could spend as much time with him as possible. I just think that having two kids would be unfair on her. I wanted a spanish au-pair as I would love my child to speak another language. I think if I paid even a cheap nanny it would better for me to go part-time. This parenting lark ain't easy!

Sorry forgot to say that I would need them for half of Tuesday, wednesday night, thursday day and night. Maybe only half of Thursday as my mum would still want to see her grandkids. So in total about 12 daytime hours and two nights from 7pm. I think that would still cost me more than I could afford. My budget isn't much as I am only on nurses wages....should have been a lawyer!

BlueCollie - Happy New Year to you by the way..

I sympathise with your predicament and also say I have been in exactly the same boat as you in the past and have found some excellent people who have come and worked in an au pair role for me when I have been working shifts, and all I needed was someone mature and responsible to take over for the last hour or so getting them ready for bed while I was getting ready for work - I'd actually tuck them up before they went to sleep and I was home in the mornings only an hour after they'd got up. There are many experienced girls who have lots of experience and qualifications to have the responsibility - but they don't want to work as a nanny; and just want to work shorter hours to have time off to go to English classes.

'Au Pair' isn't a description of someone's capabilitiess - it is the tyle or manner in which they live with you as part of your family. We've had people who were full-time nannies before (in their home countries) live with us in an au pair fashion, two kindergarten teachers, a primary school teacher and various other child psychologists, semi-professional tennis players and once a doctor..

For the role you describe then someone who has a bit of maturity and with a background of proven childcare would cope with it easily I think. In the first few weeks, you can always get your Mum over the first few times you are working nights to make sure the person seems competent and confident.

It is also just as easy for an au pair to register for the OFSTED voluntary part as anyone else. They need to undertake a pediatric first aid course, and introduction to Childcare practice course.

If you have fixed shifts that probably makes it easier but do be aware that you'll get a lot of unsuitable applicants and a few who are capable.

When you're advertising you need to be very upfront about what the job involves (overnight care so they won't be able to go out for example) and think carefully about you minimum requirements. There are, as Treeesa says, very competent candidates but they are the minority rather than the rule.

I'd disagree about it being 'just as easy' for OFSTED though. As with anywhere the scheme favours those who are residents of/in/familiar with the country. First hurdle is getting the courses set up as obviously they need to be here to do them. Doing 1st aid/a childcare course in a foreign language isn't easy even if you have a good level on the European framework of the language, doubly hard if you have to do an assessed rather than attendance only course, plus even for a British citizen having been abroad for over a year the CRB takes longer - for people who have never lived here it takes longer still to process (heaven knows why as it's not like it goes to Interpol...). Plus they will need to take out insurance from someone like Morton Michel (liability insurance is a condition of registration) which they have to pay for but can't do until they have a bank with a cheque book or debit card. It's not difficult, there's no reason why they shouldn't but it will take time and money.

Of coursehaving an EMT au pair simplifies things re language but they tend to come at a bit of a premium because of that. However they're often more flexible as they don't want to take language classes.

Just be careful how much you offer to pay so you stay under the tax/NI threshold.

Thank you all very much for your advice. There is lots more to think about than I thought....e.g. satying under tax/NI threshold. Thankfully as I am not pregnant again yet I have plenty of time to think!

Hello blue collie... i can relate totally to your problems.. I am an ICU nurse with two children, DD is 8 and ds is now 2 1/2. with dc#3 due in 3 weeks time. Our big difference is we live in australia now. Dh works away from home 4 days a week and when i first went back to work.. 4 shifts a weeks after ds was born we hired a nanny.. so with all the whistles and bells paperwork.. never again.. im sure im in the minority but it didnt work for either of us! since then we have had au pairs live with us, although not common in aus the majority of au pairs here do so to look after children, not be hired domestic people. So far we have found european girl as are fab our current au pair is from denmark and the last on from germany, both have been great with the kids and manage nights as well as days and evening shifts with ease! I just find it is like having a younger sister/ older sibling in the house. After this baby i will drop to 3 shifts a week and will initially request nights on fridays and saturdays only and ds will do one day a week at kindy so as not to overface someone with the new bub.. however for us the benefts are terrific.. with the kids being cared for at home the way we want them looked after!