Talk to me about au pairs please!

[ladyandthechocolate]

I have 4 children, a dd who is 2.4 and 8 month old triplet boys. We have a bit of family help but it's still pretty hard work tbh. I'll be going back to work 2 days a week and family have agreed to look after the children but the idea of having live in help appeals.
But...have other people have had good experiences with au pairs and if so, what nationality were they?
I'm not thinking sole charge, obviously that would require a nanny but an extra pair of hands iykwim?

And tell me too! i've got 5 children aged 18 months to 11 years. I have had live out mother's helps for the past 5 years, paying £300 a week for 40 hours. All been lovely girls and it worked perfectly, but now 4 are at school and husband's firm struggling a bit financially i can't afford this and want to try an au pair. I've read all the rules about how many hours they can work and what you should pay them - but any general tips would be great. My friend swears by her Romanian au pairs. I'm a bit nervous of the whole thing tbh.

AU pairs are great in both these cases.. While my kids were smaller I used our AP as an extra pair of hands - help get kids to the nursery, pick them up at 5.30pm as we returned a little while latter etc. Now that one is at school, our AP collects her from school some days and brings her home to play.

I personally didn't leave them in sole charge with any child under 4 as I found my own kids were still quite unpredictable until about 4.

An au pair is best when you consider them a big sister, an extra pair of hands.

My only tip would be to trust your instinct and to be very clear on expectations/working hours up front to avoid confusion.

Good luck..

We've had plenty of au pairs and had great experiences with pretty much all of them. We need someone who drives so tend to go for older candidates who are mid 20s and are graduates usually, so have lived away from home before at uni. We've had great Romanian au pairs and also some good Hungarian, Czech & Slovak girls. I don't think nationality is really that determining though - it's about each person's character and personality as well as the values they were brought up with.

My advice is that even if you don't plan for them to have sole charge of your kids, at some times they will, and will still be shaping their young lives. Invest as much time or money or both as you can in finding the right person. If you have the time and want to do it yourself, then be prepared to spend many days/weeks sifting through possible candidates, and consider flying them in or flying out to go and see them. If you don't have the time then use a good agency that keeps good standards.

I've had great au pairs both male and female although now I stick with male ones as I find them generally much easier to 'slot in' - they seem to have less ups and downs and find it easier to make large circles of friends quickly.

I love Scandinavians, though have also had fab APs from Southern Europe too.

I always Skype them and always insist that they are 22YO+, that they have held down at job at some stage (doesn't matter what it was) and that they come from a family where the mother worked - it makes a huge difference in their expectations of family life. Other than that I go by instinct.

am in the same situation of needing an au pair when dc3 arrives in new year - can anyone recommend any particular agencies please?

I use Abacus Au Pairs which is run by a lady called Debbie and based in Brighton. We are in London.

I would also second the comment by MammyT about trusting your instinct - I have found intuition to be more accurate than anything else.

I know that websites aren't everyone's cup of tea, but we have always chosen and interviewed ours online, without agency fees.

My biggest piece of advice is do your research about your responsibilities re: contract, thresholds for payment, tax/NI liability (especially if they have or plan to get a second job) and right to work.

There's a lot of advice on here about the practical side of employing an au pair and it's well worth being familiar with the restrictions on some nationalities and what you need to have formalised (which you can then hopefully put in a drawer and never refer to again) before you get enthusiastic about a really lovely Mexican or American or Thai au pair who can't get a visa.

A good experience with an au-pair comes down to a few things:-

1. Be absolutely ruthless during the interview process in terms of ensuring the au-pair has rock-solid childcare experience and checkable references. (I call upon my multi-lingual friends to help). Have at least 2 interviews (preferably on Skype - your children can interview them too if they are old enough)

2. Be honest about what you want, what your family is like, the hours, type of duties, how you expect your AP to fit in with your family etc etc. Matching expectations AND your personalities is key!

3. Get a contract, go through it with her and ensure she understands it.

4. Do your homework as mentioned by GoldFrakkinsense regarding your responsibilities as a host family

5. Consider flying your au-pair out for a trial weekend. You can normally tell a good AP within a couple of days. If it doesn't work out - it's much easier to part company after a weekend - and if it does, the weekend would be an excellent ice-breaker/introduction for when the au-pair starts

6. If it doesn't work out within a couple of weeks, say your goodbyes and look elsewhere. I wouldn't waste time trying to improve a useless AP.

Personally I don't place any preferences regarding age or nationality or gender. As Treeesa points out it is much more to do with their personality and how they have been brought up. (eg My 19 yo German AP is the most organised, mature-minded, sensible and affectionate AP I have had!)

thanks everyone, really useful. any more advice appreciated!