Strawpole - would value all opinions!

[Bellybee]

Hello. Is anyone able to advise whether a nanny would be expected to charge back as expenses any teas, drinks lunches etc she has when out and about with the children? I don't want to appear stingy, but this is my third nanny and neither of the previous 2 would have dreamed to assume that I would be paying for this stuff so it has taken me a little bit by surprise. I have also been charged occasionally for groceries which I just know were for my nanny (to eat in the house) and not my kids. We never actually agreed anything to do with eating verbally or in the contract, and I was surprised that she was freely cooking for herself here - I didn't mind at all, but was surprised as my 2 previous nannies always brought their own food so I thought this was the norm. I have felt a bit put out at being expensed for food out because a)she earns a lot (£12.50 per hour) and b)millions of people across the country work and buy their own lunch every day. Or am I being a real meanie and is she entitled to expect and assume these things? Thanks for your thoughts!

Up to employer but i've always had food provided in or out.

I check though if employer is happy with expenditure levels. Some families expect homemade sandwiches and only pay for e.g. parking, while others give credit card and never look or care and expect regular theatre or aquarium, zoo, theme parks etc. Some employers themselves go to cafes/have ice-creams with children as part of their day so wouldn't expect nanny to do different (I also ask about how much/if they usually tip).

If children sleeping in buggy and we're staying out at lunchtime then maybe keep warm/have a break in cafe and would expect them to pay for the drink/sandwich (but not the cake). If i was meeting other nannies in child friendly cafe, toddler group, soft play etc. I would not expect to be paying for snacks or happy eating home packed ones in a cafe.

I think bellybee you are not stingy, I am a nanny and do not really claim for my coffee when I go out, but I do claim for my parking which might only be a pound, so do you think that is stingy?

You are paying your nanny well and to buy her own shopping and charge you is cheeky.

btw I have had many nanny jobs and this sort of thing has never been included in my contract.

people in offices claim back expenses - so do i

or just put them on the credit card/use kitty

if i wasnt working then wouldnt claim for these things as wouldnt be doing them iyswim

i guess i am lucky and have always worked for familys who can afford the fun things - tho its not if we always spend money

today we stayed in - played in the snow and made decorations for the playroom - all free :)

again all this should have been discussed in interview/be in contract

live and learn :)

Lol I have to agree with the thing about people in offices claiming expenses. I think that applies to people I'm very wealthy companies. When DH worked in an office there was no claiming back those expenses and as a teacher I certainly can't claim any expenses like that.
I'm not saying that nannies should or shouldn't be able to claim back all expenses. That's up to the employers (parents). Just that it doesn't hold true that most other people in offices or other jobs have this perk. I'd say it's actually not very common.

in very wealthy companies ... Not I'm! :)

Cinpin I would definitely expect my nanny to claim for parking and don't think it is stingy at all. However your post has been very reassuring that not everyone does things the same so I don't feel quite such a meanie as I did before! Interestingly my cleaning lady did nanny for me one day and it was the opposite, she didn't claim for anything and I reciprocated by paying her too much.

BB - it's horses for courses. I expect my nannies to give me receipts and be exact - it makes my blood boil when things get 'rounded'. Every employer is different and she has no idea what your preference is if you don't tell her.

FWIW I do think you are being stingy. I give the nanny a kitty and expect her to give me receipts in return, but if she is out for the day then I would always expect her to charge for lunch/teas etc when out with kids. If the kitty runs out then the nanny stays in / goes for picnics for the rest of the week.

BellyBee - I think you should read through the replies again - most of the ones saying they don't get coffee/lunch out included etc are CM's not nannies.

As others have said, it's perfectly normal, she's doing what is normal for her - she's not taking you for a ride. If you don't like it then you need to have a chat about your expectations. But if you don't want her doing things like that, then you also have to expect she wont take the DC's out as much. All you need to do is talk to her and decide the best way forward for you both.

But she really is only doing what most nannies do.

This thread made me laugh. It is like those in AIBU . When the OP ignores 100s posts and only notices the one post that agrees with her.

I loved OP's first response :'a lot of nanny feedback but not many mums!' when we didn't say what she wanted to hear.
And going on about the cm's posts even so her question was about a nanny.
Then the gem:'i don't feel quite such a meanie as i did before'.

I think whatever we say you will not change your mind because your posts @19.14.16 and @19.33.16 show that you are quite resentful.

Laquitar there was not only my post that agreed.

I expect she is resentful if the nanny is earning more than her. Nannies do not come cheap especially if there are loads of extras on top.

I worked as a nanny for people who were very well off and it annoyed me that they trusted me with their child but not to not spend all their money. I wrote down every thing i spent but it was different in that I was given some money and then used it and wrote it down, rather than spending mine and then asking for it back.

I worked for other families where one was lovely and I never claimed for everything I could have done and mostly only ever half the petrol allowance.

My boss pays for all meals her children and I have out although I must admit it is quite rare that we do eat out usually the end of term treat at a soft play centre and I wouldnt be ordering steak and chips,actually I use d to look after a young boy who always ordered a steak,and ate it ,In the holidays I would generally take a picnic. I eat lunch at work,occasionally breakfast if in early and something in the evening if bosses are late I havent heard of any nannies taking a pack lunch to work.My boss gets me to buy anything different that I fancy cooking for the children ,perhaps for a casserole etc.I have a kitty of £20 a week some weeks I`ll use it all ,other weeks very little.

Thanks everyone for all your comments - a lot to think about.

Bellybee you sound quite resentful that she ''earns more than you'' and as if she is taking you for a ride ''because we live in a nice house'' when almost every nanny has said its the norm. I find it a bit when people have that attitude to someone looking after their children.

You are the boss and should have set the ground rules to start - your fault, not hers to be honest

AAs a mum, anything in our house is fine for nanny and the girls to eat, and they know this. I like the nanny to cook my girls a propper meal, so to expect her to then have a home brought in sandwich as the girls tuck into fresh cooked pasta is so wrong it shouldn't beed saying! Also always leave some money out so if they want e.g. snacks at the park that's covered and have alwasy made a point of telling her that that includes getting her a coffee/snack etc too.
WE only have the nanny for one full day plus two half days a week, and the brief is generally to give the girls some downtime ffrom daycare, so big full day outings don't really come up - if they did I would expect tto pay for reasonable food costs (e.g. as nannynick said a mixture (on average) of brought from home and brought out.

Re the groceries, I'd generally expect that they could all get by on what's in (we keep a pretty well stocked cupboard!) so would be a bit miffed if she felt the need to by special items just for herself, rather than occaisionally getting it for all three of them as a treat, but would definitely be open to discussion along the lines of e.g. " you always get wraps in, I really prefer sandwich bread, can you please make sure that's in" or whatever.

cinpin, thank you for informing me that nannies are expensive. I am so rich myself (no!) that i have never checked what i pay . We all moan about childcare cost in general, but to be resentful at the nanny thats quite different.

OP didn't have problem only with her nanny eating out. In her first post she said she was surprised to see her nanny making lunch for herself and previous nanny brought in a sandwich and millions people buy their own lunch etc.
She then got upset when every mum said that she provides lunch for her nanny.

Sonic puts it very well : 'i like the nanny to cook my girls a proper meal, so to expect her to then have a home brought in sandwich as the girls tuck into fresh cooked pasta is so wrong it shouldn't being saying'.

my nanny is extremely precise - eg a petrol bill calculated on mileage etc will come back to me @ £0.41. No question of rounding it down, or even not charging me (I am more than happy to pay, but if I were a nanny I would feel a bit ridiculous charging back £0.41 to my boss with no receipt)

I'm intrigued by this - the average rate for mileage is 40p per mile - are you saying she submitted a bill for a few miles and you are paying her less then the going mikeage rate?

Or does your nanny submit bills every journey every day and she actually travelled one mike that day? Would make more sense to add up and pay at end if week/month

I am a nanny and have always had a kitty..its easier all round.Parents have never had a problem with me going out for lunch or a coffee(however would not go for the most exspensive meal) if I fancy a salad or soup for lunch and they don't have it in then I would pay for this myself and share it with the children. You say the nanny earns more than you..but at the end of the day you decided her earnings!!!!
It is swings and roundabouts Today my mileage was about 8 miles!! Told my boss not to worry about it!!

I am a nanny and have always had a kitty..its easier all round.Parents have never had a problem with me going out for lunch or a coffee(however would not go for the most exspensive meal) if I fancy a salad or soup for lunch and they don't have it in then I would pay for this myself and share it with the children. You say the nanny earns more than you..but at the end of the day you decided her earnings!!!!
It is swings and roundabouts Today my mileage was about 8 miles!! Told my boss not to worry about it!!