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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

baby not settling with nanny

12 replies

Weissbier · 16/12/2010 15:49

I am trying to organise 15 hours a week of in-own-home childcare for my baby (four months) while I work from home.

The problem is she loves being with other people providing I am there, but as soon as I leave the room, it takes a maximum of five minutes before she starts crying. Her current nanny has been trying to console her for up to forty minutes before giving up and fetching me. We have tried settling-in where we are both there at the same time and then my going out for a short while, that has been just the same, I got called back.

As soon as I take her she stops crying and starts grinning at her nanny.

She will accept being looked after by her father.

I wouldn't mind working in the same room as her and nanny as then she's fine but it's not very nice for the nanny to feel like I'm watching her all the time...

I don't know what to do! Any advice?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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MoonUnitAlpha · 16/12/2010 15:53

How long have you been trying? Has the nanny looked after a baby this age before?

In my experience you need to give it a couple of weeks, and the nanny can't fetch you back. There will be crying but the baby will adjust!

Original poster

Weissbier · 16/12/2010 16:06

Yes the nanny specialises in babies! She says she thinks it is unusual and it would not be good for my baby to cry too long. I dont want her to cry either but I have also been wondering if we are not firm enough...she has cried with her father too but he has strong nerves and doesnt fetch me back...

OP posts:

Danthe4th · 16/12/2010 16:51

I would suggest letting the nanny take her out to a group or try a music session after xmas, anything to give a change of scenery or distraction, also you can't be called on.
Or you go out so she has to get on with it.

I know its obvious but is the baby due for a sleep or feed when you hand over, it may be worth trying a different time of day when she is likely to be less fractious.

MoonUnitAlpha · 16/12/2010 16:54

She specialises in babies but she's not come across one who cries when getting used to a new carer?
I've looked after many babies but have never called a parent back because the baby cried. It sounds like the nanny isn't putting much effort in if she's giving up after 40 minutes.

What is the nanny doing to help the baby settle? Does she have any suggestions?

fairimum · 16/12/2010 19:48

sounds like she needs to be going out for a walk etc!

Original poster

Weissbier · 16/12/2010 20:17

I've tried going out, and timing it so she's not hungry, tired etc (can't always manage with the tired, but we have sometimes and it's been just the same). We've been trying for about a month, but not every day. Maybe that is partly the problem, that it hasn't been consistent enough.

The nanny suggested a complete break for a week, then a session where I was there, then one where I went out for half an hour, etc. She can try taking her out, the roads are terrible to get a pram along right now but she said she didn't mind using a sling to carry DD.

DD LIKES the nanny when I am there and plays with her with shrieks of delight, but as soon as I leave the room, all hell breaks loose! And as soon as I come back she's absolutely fine, grin grin...

OP posts:

MoonUnitAlpha · 16/12/2010 20:20

Can the nanny come every day for a week? You go out and leave them to it. Maybe the nanny could carry DD in the sling as much as possible to make her feel comforted and reassured.

IAmReallyFabNow · 16/12/2010 20:36

I suspect the fact that the nanny is only there for a short time the baby is thinking you might go as well. Do a full time week or two with the nanny and see if that is better. 8-9 months is a classic age for separation anxiety so watch out for that in the months ahead.

lollipopmother · 16/12/2010 20:37

Yes yes, I don't think the nanny and baby should be in the same location as yourself, that just means the baby knows you're in the house and will cry until you come for her. I would suggest nanny takes LO to a baby group so that they can have some bonding time. Personally I would expect all sorts of screaming and crying, it is not at all unusual in babies, or even in toddlers when they first have to leave Mum.

Original poster

Weissbier · 17/12/2010 09:37

Thanks guys, we'll try a whole week with them going out instead of me...as that doesn't work!

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/12/2010 12:51

4mths seems a tad young to get clingy

But all the time you come in your baby is working out I cry and mummy comes

You need to find a nice Starbucks and work there and give the nanny a chance to bond with the baby

spottycushion · 17/12/2010 21:29

Agree with Blondeshavemorefun

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