Can an au-pair look after a 13 month baby?

[Hooliaaa]

Hi. I'm going to go back to work when my baby (as yet unborn) is 13 months old. I'll probably be working 4 days a week, one of those days from home - but I'll still need to be fairly undisturbed so we're talking 4 days a week as the primary carer.

After the baby's born and before I go back to work we'll be moving somewhere bigger. We need to decide what to do about childcare as this affects the size of the place we move into (if we go with an au-pair we'll need an extra,nice,big bedroom).

I love the idea of an au-pair then you don't need to worry about late fees at nurseries or getting the baby ready to go out in the morning when they'd rather be playing or even sleeping but I've heard rumours that au-pairs don't look after children under 3 or 4.

What's the story? Has anyone successfully allowed an au-pair to look after their under 2 year old?

Thanks

Generally speaking an Au pair is here to work 20 hours a week, go to college, and get paid pocket money.

From what your saying regarding your needs, it sounds like you need a nanny.

Au pairs should not be used for pre schoolers, especially babies. They are not qualified and are in the country to learn the language in exchange for board and pocket money. They are generally used for school runs and for no more than a few hours before and after school/nursery.

Be very wary. A nanny is more appropriate.

Fine to use an au pair if you want them to do the runs to and from nursery and put to bed if you are late home, etc etc, but I would hesitate to use one for sole care throughout the day for 3 or 4 days a week.

There's no rule that says you can't, and plenty of families do use AP's in this way, but TBH any AP who has the requisite experience is going to be charging way more than au pair fees for sole care. And one that hasn't requisite experience, well, it's a risk most mums wouldn't take.

I had an AP who took my 16mth DS to/from nursery and also took charge (sole care) on the few occassions that he was ill and unable to go to nursery, and that worked fine...

an au pair wouldn't be appropriate for sole care for a 13 month old.
We had an au pair AND nursery; au pair was there for back-up if children were ill; she did do the odd day of sole care of a just-under-2 yo, which is not normally acceptable for an AP but she was older than most APs (26) and quite experienced.

if you are happy having someone else in your house, though, you might be able to get a live-in nanny from abroad, which will work out cheaper than a live-out British nanny as you are providing board and lodging.

I personally would not recommend having someone to live in unless you are actively keen on having someone from abroad in your house (we really enjoyed showing ours the area; it was a positive thing) but it sounds like you are.

You should really consider a nanny.

As StillSquiffy says though there is no rule that says you can't use an au pair. Most advice given is that au pairs shouldn't have sole charge of young babies and toddlers because there is no au pair qualification - anyone can be one really. At the same time there are some great au pairs out there..

If you are looking at this solution you'd probably want someone to start at least a month or so before you go back to work, so you can give more and more sole charge while you are around to observe etc. Otherwise you may want to look for someone who comes to the UK on a Youth Mobility visa - may have the experience but may appreciate the 3 day weekend to a bit of sight seeing and being mainly from English speaking countries then easy to pass instructions and information to.. Failing that candidates from an EU country can be older so you may even find a Mum who has the experience, kids have left home but her English may not be the best.. If you look at Romanian or Bulgarian candidates you may get someone with great experience who cannot work in this country as a nanny (they can only work in an au pair position if it's the first time they've been here). Romanians in particular tend to have excellent English but have to be 27 and under.

Wow. Thanks for the advice everyone. I think I'll research nanny shares for the first few years at least.

I have a fantastic au pair who has sole charge of my son whose 13 months while I work (I only work part time though). That being said she is an absolute god send. DS gets to stay in an environment he loves, meets children the same age as him at all the music/playgroups all within the local area. They go to playdates together, have friends over and my AP also helps clean the house, which when your a working mum is fantastic. We also now don't have to beg family members to babysit when we want to go out. Having an aupair has been perfect for us.

Depends on the individual, what you call an au pair, what you call a nanny, etc.

"Au Pairs" traditionally work for about 25 hours in exchange for room, board, maybe english class and about £70 per week. More hours would obviously require more pay.

It doesn't really matter what the job title is, you need to find the balance between qualifications, experience, and pay you are both happy with. There are a lot of candidates out there who really sit somewhere between an au pair and a nanny.

As stillsquiffy says, I would be weary of using someone without experience (which is traditionally what an au pair is) to have sole charge 4 days a week of a toddler.

We have an au pair now who has trained as a teacher in Germany. Whilst she is technically an au pair, I could leave my 5 and 7 year old with for a week and not worry about wheather she was capable of the work load. If I did htis, she would obviously be paid more like a nanny and less like an au pair.

Exactly. It's getting the balance between the right care for your baby and not paying more for it than you earn..... I'd consider staying off work for longer but I think it makes it very hard to go back if you leave your pre-maternity leave job . I'll see if we can find an expert au-pair as the ease of having someone live-in just sounds fantastic.

The cost difference between an experienced au pair working long hours and a newly qualified live in nanny is minimal with the additional benefit (IMO) that there's no language or cultural barrier. Don't underestimate the effects on your DC's language development of having someone speaking broken/consistently incorrect English to them. Obviously not all native English speakers speak perfectly and some non-native applicants won't find this a problem but it can be very frustrating for all 3 parties (child, carer and parents) if communication is difficult. Having said that if you get someone who's happy to speak their native tongue you solve this problem and give your child early exposure to another language!

If you want 40 hours care a week you're going to need to pay for 40 hours care a week and what you call it or who you have to do it doesn't matter (although you wouldn't be able to have a Romanian or Bulgarian coming specifically as an au pair - you can have one who's been in the country more than a year in continuous employment). It's much more about their suitability in that case, but advertising for an au pair would just be misleading. I've seen a few ads recently for live in childcarers which I think avoids the issue very neatly, especially if you only need someone part time and don't want/can't afford someone very qualified or experienced.

I am finding this conversation quite enlightening- I have a 2 month old and I am looking to return to work when my baby will be around 1 year old.

It is a fine balance between getting the care you want and not becoming skint because of care fees! My husband and I have decided that it would be preferable that I remain employed, even if it does cost us money in childcare fees, because it took me a while to find a permanent job in the sector I liked. So I must return to work at some point.

In my case, we thought an au pair may suit us because I am speaking to my daughter in Spanish all the time as I want her to grow up being bilingual. Also, there would be no communication issues between me and the aupair. I have also noticed that Spanish applicants tend to be from a university background, most of them taking a year out to learn English halfway through their degree or once they have graduated. There is quite a high rate of unemployment in Spain among young people, qualified young people at that, so I feel I should be able to identify a suitable candidate.

So am I crazy to be considering this? :( The other option is that I leave my daughter with my sister in law who wants to work with children- but I'm just not happy about that idea, and I really don't look forward to letting my husband know this...

What other options would you consider?

SpanishLass, you say that you would not be happy leaving your child with your sister-in-law who wants to work with children. Is it her lack of experience which worries you? If so, this is exactly the situation you will encounter with most au pairs. They are in the UK not because they see a long-term career with children but because they want to learn the language, explore a new country and get paid a bit of pocket money for 20 hours a week of looking after children.

You can be lucky and get a good one or you can end up with a sulky teenager who really didn't think that small children could be such hard work! They also tend not to stay for very long so you do find yourself in a permanent recruitment cycle which is stressful for you and perhaps upsetting for your child (of course, you could be unlucky with nannies or childminders as well).

Your baby is two months old now so you have some idea of how relentless and tiring it can be looking after her. Do you think you would be happy doing that for someone else's baby for whatever number of hours per week for about £80? An au pair or a childminder are not your only options. You should also investigate childminders, nannies or nanny share and nursery, all of which are more suitable for a one-year old.

Sorry, that is meant to say an au pair or your sister-in-law are not your only options.

The experience someone has is going to be an important factor I feel. If they have grown up in an environment where they are constantly looking after younger siblings then they may well be very good as a childcarer. You would need to establish what their childcare experience is and if they feel they could do childcare for a long period of time during the day, in a foreign country.

Not crazy if you can identify a suitable candidate and if that person wants the job on the terms being offered. Depending on the hours of work, you may want to make it clear it's more a live-in nanny position.

'I personally would not recommend having someone to live in unless you are actively keen on having someone from abroad in your house'.

I just wanted to point out that British/English nannies can live in. Don't assume that becuase they are live-in they are 'from abroad'.

'The cost difference between an experienced au pair working long hours and a newly qualified live in nanny is minimal with the additional benefit (IMO) that there's no language or cultural barrier'

Also, a newly qualified nanny may well have English as a second language/be from another country or culture. Don't assume that because they are qualified they are English.

Spanishlass, years ago I had 2 Spanish aupairs for exactly the same reasons. It was very important for me that DS learnt Spanish from day 1. They were employed to do the nursery run, so no sole-charge at all. The first one got lonely within 2 weeks and left. She spoke no English and had no intention of going to college, so she couldn't meet anyone. She spent all day watching Spanish TV and not wanting to go out because it was too cold.

I was going back to work 2 weeks later, so I was desperate. Fortunately I found a second one, who was ok, but definitely not a child-oriented person. She was from Burgos, so the cold didn't bother her. :-) She was a very responsible 26 year old, but just didn't have any desire to play with a baby and just didn't know what to do. As we only needed her for the nursery run, we didn't mind too much.

In conclusion, I think aupairs can be ok for the nursery run, but I wouldn't use them to look full time after a baby. It's a hard job for a mum, let alone for a young girl who has never had her own babies.

I also found that "on paper", most aupairs sound ok, but once they are here, you realise that they just don't know what to do with the children. I don't blame them. I was exactly the same before DS was born.

1. I've been interviewing for au pairs recently and have found that the Spanish ones are in general coming because they can't get work in Spain and not because they have any empathy with/interest in children. There will be exceptions of course, but be very careful - lots of them have jutsw not thought it through
2. In skyping the Spanish ones I have found that their level of English is in general much poorer than other nationalities - you may want them to speak spanish but you also want them to know enough english to be able to call an ambulance in an emergency...
3. 2 months (or even 6 months) is in my opinion far far too young to leave a baby with someone. I'd hesitate to use an au pair with a child that age even if only for drop offs/collection, let alone sole care.

Spanish Lass's baby will be one when she goes back (if I understand correctly). Is 2 mo now.

We planned on wrapped around care nursery/au pair with our the nine month old and nearly 4 year old when I went back from maternity leave. Didn't go for it. We couldn't find anyone suitable, but then we were recruiting at a bad time of year. You may find someone who is up to one child of that age, for a couple of hours a day. It very much depends on your schedule, in my opinion and how much money you feel you need to save. If your DC can stay until five in the nursery every day you work and you are RELIABLY home at say half six...you can find someone to plug the gap. in the au pair pool. If you're trying to do say half days in the nursery and the AP would be on five to six hours a day I think you will struggle. It's not so much the incompetence (although many will be) it's the tiredness factor and what might happen if they lost patience.

sorry when I say need to save I mean more - how many hours were you hoping she could do in order to save money.

It sounds like you need a nanny not an aupair. An aupair only does basic childcare, and work fewer hours which is why they are cheaper. If you want someone to be looking after a baby full time, you will need to pay a lot more thna an aupair wage.

The reason why I don't want my sister in law is that in my experience, she has sat in the house doing not very much for the past few years, and maybe I have just seen her in bad days only but she appears to be a perpetual teenager in mood and strategies to cope. She says she has experience because she had a reliable babysitting job for a while, but if she really was interested in working with children she should have surely found herself a way to get qualified or employed in the sector? Or volunteering with young people?

I may be too negative but it's her "lack of volition" that seriously worried me, even before my DD came into the equation. Also, she's not had the best of health in the past years, so don't fancy her calling in sick on a regular basis.

Unfortunately, she may also feel left out if we don't give her the job.
I don't want a family conflict and unfortunately there is NO easy way to solve this. At least with the Au Pair I'd have the excuse that my kid needs to be in contact with Spanish. So the AuPair would be the lesser of two evils.

My preference would be for a local daycarer to care for my daughter, and then plug the remaining hours with an AuPair (runs to the DayCarer mostly). That still leaves the problem of HOW on earth I'll avoid the conflict with DH's family :(

What about CM or nursery plus au pair? That way you have quality, registered daycare that you could use childcare vouchers for - sonething your SIL hasn't made any effort towards - plus wraparound/babysitting and another Spanish speaker but without the pressure of a full day on them.

Fraktal, that would be the best of both worlds... but can a nursery take a 12-13 month old?? I am sure the childminder would but searching for a good one is a completely different kettle of fish :) that will take countless hours in the future, i'm sure.

Of course I won't need to consider this JUST YET, my DD is only 2 months old, but sooner rather than later I should make a firm stand on the SIL thing... It's gonna ruffle some feathers but I'm just not returning to work if I am not happy!

Most nurseries will take babies from 6 months, some will take babies as young as 3 months.

this thread is over a a year old - wonder if op found a live in nanny or went for an ap