Nannies, would you it be a normal thing to ask

[finallynaptime]

Do your employers ever ask you to take preschool children to other toddler birthday parties at other parent's houses, if they fall during your working hours. If so, is it an enjoyable activity or something to dread!?

Totally normal - though the last one I was asked to attend I managed to get out of as the youngest charge had chickenpox!

Haven't been to a house one, but have done a couple in halls and at soft play. All fine, spend some time with the kids, have a chat with other mum's/nannies, eat a couple of cakes .

Thanks nbee, can I ask did you know some of the mums/nannies to chat to already?

Don't think I've ever been asked. It would be something I would dread if I didn't already know some people there well.

I did know some others from the school gates. The 1st party was not long after I started a job, so didn't know anyone particularly well. It can be hard to get yourself into other peoples conversations, but you have to grit your teeth and try as it's likely you'll see the other mums regularly. A bit like when you're a new Mum and go to toddler/baby group for the 1st time, quite hard if you are not the forthcoming type. Having had a few nanny jobs over the years I've got used to it and have a few strategies - busy yourself with the children, get talking to the Mums through the children, have a stock of questions to ask the other Mums (like do you have any other dc, have you always lived round here, can they recommend any local activities worth visiting etc etc)

Nick, thats what I was concerned about for my nanny. I have declined the invitation then afterwards worried that she and my DC might have enjoyed it. But she is very new to the role (couple of weeks) and I don't myself know the party hosts all that well. So I thought it might be weird for all concerned

I'd check with the Nanny and see if she's up for it. Make it clear that if she'd rather not then that's fine by you.

nbee, yes, definitely, you do have to grit your teeth and start talking first at toddler/baby groups; can be uphill work on the first visit. Thought for this reason that a house party of strangers might be a bridge too far to ask of someone!

Oh, Nbee, cross posts. Yes, that is sensible advice. I'll just ask her about it. And it's just occurred to me that a very friendly friend of mine might be going in which case they could go together if she wants

if it falls in my working hours i do it - have been toa school mums cm - few were lovely and chat to me at gates (tho tbh some mums were very snobby and looked down on me as the 'nanny' but hey ho, im tough and tbh doesnt bother me as they are not my friends iyswim)

all depends on the hostess and other mums

but i dont see why a child should miss out on an activity/party just as mum is working

seems completely normal and part of any nannies normal duties, so long as party is during working hours

I think this is normal for nannies to do this.

You might not know people but you would not if you went to a strange toddler group either.

I do it all the time.
Some are a nightmare. Some are lovely. It depends entirely on who is having the party.
Perfectly normal nanny duty.

Very useful to know that the majority think totally normal thing to ask.
It is in working hours

I was in my present job for two weeks when i was asked to take the children to a party,I didn`t know any one there but people did know the children I look after and they chatted to me about the children and were generally very friendly.

Yes, I get my nanny to do this kind of thing all the time. I don't expect her to mingle with mothers tho as some of you seem to be implying. If there are other nannies there she can talk to them but otherwise I expect her to stay strictly with the children. If there is food or drink offered to the adults I don't expect her to accept that either (and CERTAINLY not alcohol). This is a work duty for her, not a social occasion.

Gosh Annabel, I think that you sound much too strict with your rules. It sounds like something out of another era to me. Why on earth shouldn't your nanny accept food and drink on these occasions and mingle with the adults so long as her charges are happy and occupied?

I would go by the following principles: I would expect my nanny to behave on these occasions exactly as I would behave: graciously accept food and drink if offered and she feels like it, up to one glass on wine if she is not driving and chat appropriately to other guests. Jump in if another child seems to require assistance.
At our house, all guests are created equal: nannies, helpers, elderly neighbours, parents, ex-colleagues and so on are all offered food and drink. If anybody segregated themselves to focus exclusively on the children they had brought, I would frankly think them socially inept and they would likely not be invited again unless their children were truly fantastic and close friends of our DC.
When our nanny has helped out at our parties, I have always told her that although she is working to help herself to food and drink, including wine and champagne and to feel free to mingle if she has a chance.

AnnabelUSA

I can understand how others may have more relaxed views than I do generally but I draw the line at the alcohol. Drinking on the job is an absolute no-no for me under any circumstances.

My nanny stood in for me at a mother-and-child Xmas lunch on Friday. I had her eat at home beforehand and sit with the children at their table, not with the adults. The adults' table was for mothers (a group who all know each other well) and I didn't want them to feel they had to be adapting their conversation all the time to try to include her. It was their Xmas event, not hers.

I completely agree with you about the alcohol. But as for nanny not socialising with other adults or eating or drinking food that is offered to her I would run a mile (or 10!) from a job like this.

I don't think you'll find many on here agreeing with you on that.

I am a nanny I go to all parties with my charges as required .I generally know the parents of the childrens friends as well as if not better than my employers do,We chat about the children and general activities that I may perhaps take them to .When we go to a party I certainly sit with the adults [I am an adult after all!! ]I am always watching the children and supervising drinks ,cakes etc but they would much prefer to sit with their friends without me sitting with them,This certainly adds to their enjoyment of the event.How old are your children ?I look after four year old twins and a five year old ,they love the fact that they can sit alone with their friends.I do not drink alcohol while working and I dont believe that a nanny who is driving should.I CANNOT believe your If she is offered food and drink I do not expect her to acceptcomment. What times are you living in.What opinion of her does this give other people,Or you !when she says my employer does not allow me to eat or drink while Im out,what s the poor girl meant to do?

I take the children I look after to parties and play dates all the time. I also mingle with the other mums at the school gates and had no idea there were still people in the world who would rather separate themselves from 'the staff'

Do you manage to keep your nannies for very long annabel?

Sorry Annabel but I pity your Nanny.
I think the way you treat her will eventually mean that she harbours resentment and she will look elsewhere.
In any relationship, there has to be a little give and take and although you are paying her wage, she is looking after your child.

Lighten up, it's the festive season FGS!!

nbee you sum it up very well

annabel are you really saying that you wouldnt allow your nanny to sit and eat with the other mums?

i can understand the no booze rule, tho surely the parents wouldnt be drinking during the day while attending to their children

as my role as a nanny i am to step into my mb's shoes and do what she would/cant as at work

therefore if mb was invited/agreed to go to a meal i would go (if she wanted me to)

ie yesterday i waited at school and did the cake drop off/collection for school xmas fete today as mb was at work (was re arranged from last sat as of snow)

so basically op, im happy to go to most events and sure it would be enjoyable - tho if it was one annabel wanted me to go to,i would be dreading it

Annabel how old is your nanny?What nationality is she? Is she British?

I don't know, is that really so unreasonable?

At the end of the day, I send my nanny to parties not for her own enjoyment as an adult guest but to supervise DD (who is 4 by the way). I wouldn't want her presence to prevent the enjoyment of the adults who are guests by inhibiting them from feeling able to be themselves. They should be able to relax and let their hair down with their friends, not feel they have to make small talk with someone else's nanny whom they barely know and have nothing in common with. You wouldn't expect the conjuror or the DVD man to keep digging into the canapes at a wedding, would you? He's there to do a job, not to indulge in the catering.

On Friday my nanny ate lunch at home before going to get DD from nursery. Is that really such a hardship? She's been with us 18 months now and our housekeeper has been with us since we moved here five years ago. I'm not a complete ogre, I promise.