THis is my first ever post so apologies if I am being unreasonable (I am 37 weeks pregnant so accept that I may be being hormonal and mad) but is this normal/acceptable and what should I do?
I have employed a relatively mature and experienced nanny for the last year (three days a week, £110 a day net) to look after my DD1 3.9 and DD2 1.11. This is our first ever nanny and we have been very pleased with how things were going. But since I have been on maternity leave for the past 4 weeks things have rapidly gone downhill. The problem is that my nanny does not want me around at all and really wants me to hide in my bedroom while she is here. When I have offered to eg pick one of the children up from pre-school to save the little one a cold trip out or that she could leave her with me while she did the pick-up she has nearly bitten my head off and said she didn't want to disturb their routine. Her argument is that when she's there she should continue to do things exactly as she'd do them if I was at work. Whereas in an ideal world I would have liked to spend a little one-on-one time with my DDs before the arrival of the new baby.
So anyway today is very snowy, nanny had complained how difficult it was to get in so I said nanny should come in later and I'd take DD2 to her music class. Meet nanny afterwards as they had arranged a playdate with a local mother with a DD the same age as DD2 whose older child is roughly a contemporary of my DD1 at pre-school (although they don't know each other particularly well and aren't in the same class). I am surprised when nanny and DD2 arrive home relatively early as that's the pick-up time for DD1. Nanny says oh I asked Other Mother to pick her up. I know Other Mother always drives so I say has she got a spare car seat. Nanny says I don't know but she's got a big car (!!).
Now is this acceptable nanny behaviour? I am very pissed off at nanny.
- I would happily have picked up DD1 myself but nanny would get in a sulk about this
- I do not want relative strangers picking up my children without my permission unless there was some sort of emergency
- it is important to me that she always has a proper car seat and is strapped in safely
I went out to meet them when they arrived and my DD WAS in a car seat. But only because the Other Mother had (v kindly) put her own DS in an ordinary adult seatbelt and let my DD have his normal one. But the mother said my DD had been very upset at pre-school to be picked up totally unexpectedly by a virtual stranger. THe pre-school staff had to do lots of reassuring and let her bring home stuffed animals from pre-school to even get her to go in the car.
I would like to speak to the nanny about this and tell her that a) I'll pick DD1 up if the weather's too bad for nanny to go b) I expect her to do the pick ups herself unless agreed with me in advance c) car seat issue
Am I being unreasonable. I am a bit scared to talk to her about this as she has been quite difficult over my mat leave (I raised the issue of my spending some one-on-one time with my DDs. She basically said it was a terrible idea which would only make them upset. I know it's important not to have 2 adults around doing the same thing but don't see why it would be such a terrible thing for me to take one eg swimming while the other one is at a playdate with nanny.
What do you think?