CM Club: 4 weeks in...

[PositiveOutlook]

I am now on my 4th week as a cm and having love it/hate it feelings. Mainly love it. I have one mindee and I totaly underestimated the organisation required, I honestly thought that I would have time to clean and do washing and it would be just like being at home with dd...how wrong was I!
But I have learnt my lesson and leave that for when he is having a nap or when he has gone home. Thanks to the snow he has only been here one day so far this week so I am using the time to do paperwork and think about assesment strategies.

One major problem though, he slaps, a lot, and my poor dd has become his target. He will walk into a room and head straight for her and give her a wallop for no reason. He is 20 months and my dd is 4. I have tried ignoring it but that isn't fair on dd, I have tried time outs but he comes straight off time out and heads straight for her again. I have tried distraction but that only works for a while and he has been in the middle of something with me then just walked over to dd and slapped her again. I know that it is just a stage that he will grow out of but that doesn't help dd at the moment. Any advice would would be appreciated.

Hmm difficult - have you made sure not to give him any attention when he does this and just to lavish attention on your dd? Also, if he comes out of time out n does it again do you put him straight back? you need to keep doing this and eventually it might sink in. 20 months is quite young tho they have no sense at that age...

I think 20 months is too young for time out. It really is about distraction, distraction, distraction. Very hard and wearing - but you need to spend every moment with him/your dd so that the opportunity does not arise. As soon as his hand goes up, you hold it and witter on about the bird in the garden/sing a song/ jump up for a dance - anything really before it happens. Hopefully just a week or two of this and he won't even think to do it.

time out isn't really appropriate

you need to watch, like a hawk, prepared to intervene in a flash to parry the blow, distract, divert

you are very new to this and you will develop your own way to best deal with this as you get into your new profession

I don't do any cleaning apart from what needs doing whilst the children are here (sweeping up glitter/brushing up mud from the back door mat, that kind of thing) and no chores

we sometimes sort clean washing, do dishes (with the plastics/metals) or 'do the dusting' with a fluffy duster

distraction or intervention, if you think he is about to slap make a bit fuss about some exciting toy or something wonderful in the garden- anything to distract him from his favourite past-time. If you are vigilant and consistent with the intervention he will eventually forget how much fun slapping is. Try not to show how much it bothers you, he is only a baby with a current obsession. I have a technique for dealing with day to day situations, it works well with grumpy children, climbing toddlers and all manner of challenging behaviour, I call it ?jollying along? ? I paste a smile on my face and keep them busy

yy jollying along (I have a jolly hockey sticks voice too lol)

also I am wondering if he might enjoy percussive play - drum plus sticks/pots and pans plus wooden spoon/hammering tools?

He absolutely loves throwing things and balls and anything with wheels so I have stocked up on toys that he might enjoy.

He isn't very well socialized so we go to lots of playgroups and playdates but he seems to single out one child wherever we go (a different child in each setting) and then he heads straight for that child whenever we return, it is getting a bit embarrassing now. I thought perhaps some structured activities but I am at a loss as to what?

I didn't realise that he was too young for time out, it does make sense though because he never seems to respond it. I know that his mum uses time out and she finds that he gets frustrated. We are having a catch up/ review soon, should I mention using other techniques to her?

oooh he's into scattering and trajectory, too

I LOVE this age, great fun

soft foam balls for throwing, chunky buttons make a very satisfying racket when upended

'structured' play might not work as well as offering more sensory stuff - a bit cold for water play outside, sand can be a bit eurghh if it gets in his eye - how about a tray of oats and some cars/trains on the patio? (obv risk assess, check for allergies, then put oats out for the birds afterwards)

again, if he's monopolising another child when you are at groups then step in, divert, distract; be aware that he is in the very early stages of making friends so don't shut him down completely

HTH

He is a great kid and lots of fun. I'm thinking of trying something like jelly instead of water for some indoor fun but never thought of oats. He loves sand but I don't lol. What are chunk buttons? His mum brought lots of ball pit balls which he loves to throw around and then just kick them about, I bought a sturdy and flexible bag from marks and spencers to hold the balls which is great because he then has great fun putting them back in the bag, a win win for both of us.

Thanks for the feedback I feel more confident now.

My littl'uns love rolling my gym ball around.

Is it possible he thinks he's showing affection? It occurred to me when you said about singling 1 child out everywhere you go (like a favourite?) and because he isn't used to socialising. Its obviously not acceptable though and needs to be stopped asap - your poor DD!

What I'd do is lots of role play with toys and teddies, showing 'lovely cuddles' (adopt aforesaid jolly hockey sticks voice) 'oh look I'm giving teddy lovely cuddles, can dd give teddy lovely cuddles... oh yes, well done dd... can Slap-happy give teddy lovely cuddles... oh you've thrown and kicked dropped him, poor teddy, teddy says owww! Lets try again... oh well done - such lovely cuddles! You've made teddy soooo happy!'

Also whenever he goes to slap your dd or anyone I'd be ready to catch his hand and make him stroke them and say (kind of positive/soothingly) 'that's right, we do gentle touching... gentle with people, gentle with toys... good Slap-happy, lovely gentle touching! Oh everyone loves gentle touching...' etc etc etc. If he goes to do it again I'd repeat it until he gets bored - as he probably will, as stroking doesn't get a fun reaction like smacking does.