What should I do? nanny not happy

[Lauralastic]

I currently nanny for a 6year old child after school 3 days a week. I take my own 2yr old son along and they get on ok. However I have recently become really tired of being corrected on my speech, being told how to cook, being forced to watch awful cartoons for the whole evening and a whole other host of problems by my charge. He is only 6, his parents dont arrive home until 7 sometimes. I'm wondering if I should just leave them now or whther to have a word with charges mum to see if his behaviour improves.
I take painting activities along, I offer to do baking often after school I offer to take them to the park or even something more grown up like out to a coffee shop for a cake but all are just shunned becasue he'd rather watch cartoons.

What do his parents say about TV watching?

I would not be happy to pay for a nanny if the boy was watching TV all evening.

Can you switch off the TV and tell him that there will be no TV, you are baking. What does he do?

IMO you should quit as you obviously haven't developed a bond with this child. I think you sound lovely and should find someone who appreciates your efforts. Mind you, as his carer, is it not your responsibility to teach him some manners and and turn the tv off?!

Tricky. Perhaps have a word with his mum and leave it until after Christmas to see if the situation improves? Having said that, if you're not fond of him now, you probably never will be and I think it is quite important for a nanny and her charge to like each other. Just my opinion, though!

You're right maybe I haven't bonded with him but how am I to do this with the telly on?? His parents are keen for him to be in a homely enviroment instead of after school club. Maybe I should put my foot down a bit more about the amount of television, my son doesnt enjoy it becasue the stuff thats on is too old for him. But with such an age gap between them its hard to find other activities that suit them both.

Switch the TV off. You are the adult, you are the carer.

And you don't have to put up with rude comments either.

Do you worry that his parents will not back you?

I think all you need to do is speak to the parents and say "xx is really keen to watch a lot of TC after school, are you happy with this or would you rather we limited it to an hour?"
There is quite a age gap and personally, I wouldn't have employed someone with so young a child if I did expect them to go to after school activities.

There's lots you can do with both of them, read a story together, drawing, painting, sticking, play dough, baking, cutting, puzzles, water and sand play can be done indoors too, you only need a washing up bowl for these, and a large plastic mat underneath to catch any spills.
obviously some activities will require more supervision than others.
Just a few thoughts

oh and prehaps the T.V only goes on at about 6pm.
again with the rude language, I wouldnt put up with it, the parents get told. simple.

Lots of people have DC with a similar age gap. Of course it is possible to amuse a 2yo and a 6yo at the same time.

Is there something else going on here? I mean, have the parents told you their little darling is never to hear the word "no" or something?

Otherwise I don't understand why you aren't taking charge - you are the adult. Turn the TV off if you don't like it, insist on other activities, correct the child if he is rude.

Is this the first time you've cared for a school aged child?

as others have said, he is the child, you the adult

we have tv on after homework,tea and playroom is tidy and before i pick up mb

some days we watch 10mins, some days none and others 30mins all depending on how quickly the above is done

doesnt 6yr have homework,spelling/reading etc

6yr old at school all day, so once home all he may want to do is chill out in front of TV.

Some children don't like arts/crafts.
Consider why it is you are there... I suspect it is due to the hours of work, an after school club may close before a parent gets home.
Get a box of Lego out, marble run, that sort of thing - he may play with that.

I would talk to the parents, tbh I wouldnt want my DD watching TV after school all day. The rest of his behaviour is just rude and you are the adult so tell him so.
I would have a agreement on what he can watch and how long too.

As a nanny I would dictate what activites we do, NOT a 6 year old child

I would also not be "told" anything by a child and would not allow them to behave that way.

I agree with Nannynick. Get some lego out - he'll probably play with that. Or find out from his parents which toys he loves to play with. He might not want to engage in arts and crafts and other activities after a long day at school.

Ask parents if they let him watch as much TV as he wants or if there is a limit. It's their choice, really.

The rudeness is easily dealt with just by you telling him so and being the adult.

"Maybe I should put my foot down a bit more about the amount of television, my son doesnt enjoy it becasue the stuff thats on is too old for him." No wonder this child isn't keen on you. Why should he not watch TV (assuming his parents are ok with it) because it's too old for YOUR child?

"But with such an age gap between them its hard to find other activities that suit them both". Not the 6yo's problem! His parents have presented him with a carer who has a 2yo to entertain as well as him. He didn't choose the situation I'm sure.

I am surprised that you have not already established with the parents how much TV is to be watched or not when you took the job.

Didn't any of you discuss what the time would be spent doing?

I expect this boy resents having a carer who can't give him undivided attention (I know you call it nannying but you are basically babysitting for a few hours after school 3x days per week and bringing your own 2yo with you, it's not really nannying IMO. Do nannies really bring their own DCs with them? I would have thought not, usually). On top of that you want him to do things YOU think he should be doing such as baking. Maybe he hates baking! Have you asked him what he likes doing? Don't go assuming he likes doing Lego after school either, try TALKING to him and seeing if there's something you can both agree on!

Go back to the parents, establish some ground rules, have them explained in front of the child so he can't say his mum lets do XYZ, etc, then ideally one evening try getting a babysitter for your own 2yo so you can bond with just the 6yo for a change and he gets your full attention. Just for one day.

Lots of nannies do bring their own children with them - when I go back to work I'll be taking my 6 month old with me. Generally the nanny takes a pay cut.

Blimey, lot of assumptions there . Nannies with own children are not unusual and I daresay the parents are happy because nanny with own child is cheaper than nanny without. And if she calls herself a nanny, then she's a nanny. Don't be so condescending.

Well, what's in a name, it's not really the point I guess. The point is that it doesn't strike me that the OP has done a lot that I would expect a nanny to do which is clearly establish ground rules and relating to her charge as an individual with individual likes and dislikes.

He is only 6, his parents sometimes don't arrive home til 7, he has a 2yo in his house who isn't his relative, or his friend, or his choice to be there (although I'm sure the 2yo is lovely, it's no reflection, just showing how the 6yo might view it) and OP wonders why his behaviour is less than desirable. I would have thought that obvious to a trained professional nanny.

IMHO.

Blimey, Islandsinthestream you really are mistaken on a few things in my post. Also I have put my son in for extra days at nursery to spend time with just my charge and I would TALK to him if I could get him to turn the tv off!
I accept that I may only be a babysitter for a few hours each day, (I only say nanny as I work in their house not my own) but alot of people that do this have their own children too... childminders for instance?!

Thanks nannynick for the activity suggestions, had a much better evening today after stopping tv at 2 programmes and then playing and drawing.

Its true I am obviously not much wanted, and he'd rather have his mum there, but I have tried to get to know him and be his friend and I guess that is where I have gone wrong so far, being too much like a friend and not being the grown up.
My 2yo doesnt cause him any aggro, he is polite and rarely tantrums, he mostly plays with his own toys when we go round (that I take daily with us). He is drawn to the television and I wasn't saying the programmes were inappropriate for him because obviously I would make sure he didnt watch it, just that I know my son can play for at least an hour at a time without the tv being constantly on in the background, so surely a 6yo could too.

Yes he is the first school aged child I have cared for eldest before was 5 and their parents didnt want me to put the television on ever.

I'm clearly not a Professional Nanny, because none of your suggestions have been OBVIOUS to me as I wouldn't have posted originally if they were, so I will hold my head in shame and continue to be a crap babysitter.

On the nanny word laura, I think our interpretation of a nanny is different (neither right nor wrong just different in terms of what makes a nanny a nanny as such) and like I said before it's not really the point anyway, what's in a name...

Your OP did come across as being somewhat self-centred to me and I feel sorry for this little boy who sounds quite miserable if a bit of a brat, it's true. Your last post puts across your points with a greater undertanding of the situation than is first suggested.

However I am still puzzled as to why you don't seem to know, with authority, if he can or can't watch all this TV or if you can really insist that he switches it off and does something more creative or useful instead. It doesn't sound like you know if he likes baking or lego or going to the park, it sounds like you are guessing which doesn't seem right.

I appreciate that the arrangement is such that you have a 2yo and a 6yo to entertain at the same time and that can't be easy especially if the 6yo won't cooperate well with you. It sounds like you've had a better time with him today. Maybe the way forward is to compromise like you are doing, seems a fair middle ground. After a busy day at school he may well want to zone out in front of crap on the TV and who can blame him, millions of adults do it every day instead of baking, making and running around!

I am sorry if I came across as harsh but until your last post I had a mental image of this rude but sad little boy who is having to accept a situation he doesn't like, beyond his control, and the only power he has is being cheeky/critical and watching crap TV probably because on some level he knows it bugs you, and if he's not happy, why sould you be happy.

I have to say I'm torn here. If he's allowed to zone in front of the TV and his parents are fine with it 3 days a week it's not necessarily an issue, as assuming it's not the whole 3 hours he watches TV once you've come home, had a snack etc. If they're not happy then you need to be the adult and switch it off. Equally you can be the adult and insist on stopping at the park after school for a bit.

I agree that mentally stimulating activities like baking might not be the best plan if he's tired but drawing/doing Lego with you is less taxing and it seems he's happy with that.

Most evident from your posts, though, is that you have a communication problem with the parents about their expectations and your role. That needs to be cleared up ASAP.

I think the poster was very open and if she didnt care about her charge/job she wouldnt have posted.

ask the parents, if they happy with this level of tv then theres not much you can do really.. hes not your child after all..

tbh my own kids just wanted to chill after school and wouldnt have wanted to bake e.t.c.,

never put up with rudeness from a child though.. ever!!!

good luck..

Hi, I was in a similar situation when i first started a job once. All the child (5 yrs) wanted 2 do was watch the t.v after school, as soon as we got in the telly went on. I put up with it 4 about 4 days!, The parent and I had already disscussed the situation and the things to try, anyway what happened was I became very strict and the tv wasnt allowed on at all till the parents got home, if the child turned on the tv without permission then there would be consequences.
Now the child doesnt ask about the tv anymore, we play games, cook, draw, play on the computer, read etc etc.
We now do have the tv on as a treat for quiet time about 10 mins b4 parents get home on some nights.
I was resented for taking the tele away 4 a while but honestly they get over it and then it's not a big deal anymore.