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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Would you start this with a child?

26 replies

Saltire · 23/11/2010 15:33

Probably going to get flamed but am past caring TBH.

Mindee 2 (non sleeper) doesn't know how to sue a spoon. he'll eat things like bread, toast, biscuit etc with his hands but if I give him a spoon with a bowl of food he jsut screams and then I have to feed him.
Now ,partly this is the parents, they feed him, and admit it's becasue it's easier
the exact words were "well we can get food into him quicker then we able to spend time eating our own food, or we can get it into him quickly and get him for a sleep (am curious how they do this last bit )
Now I don't have a problem feeding him but feel that he should maybe try with a spoon but he gets so distressed and he's a gannet when it comes to food, and ahs to be fed approx every 60-90 mintues during the day.
can I start doing this even if parents ay they are happy as it is at minute?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

looneytune · 23/11/2010 15:35

Saltire, a lot of us know what you've been through with this family and will NOT flame you for anything :)

Right......can you remind me how old they are?

chitchatinsantasear · 23/11/2010 15:35

Not a CM, but I think you should! This is directly affecting you and your work. Must be a nightmare when there are a lot of children to feed at the same time.

Original poster

Saltire · 23/11/2010 15:36

the younger one is 1, the older one almost (as in 2 weeks time) 3

OP posts:

looneytune · 23/11/2010 15:39

That's what I was going to say, wanted to know the age so could do bigger reply but yes, they have to think about how it's harder for you with lots to feed. When I started weaning ds2 around 6m, the others were 1.2, 1.6 & 1.8. I was used to spoon feeding 2 at a time whilst I was pg and they were much younger but honestly, I needed them using spoons asap. Tbh, I can't see anyone having a problem with you doing that, surely you're helping them start anyway. It's important to help children be independent.

Got to go now but will try and pop back later x

chitchatinsantasear · 23/11/2010 15:40

Can I add that my two DCs are not that brilliant with using cutlery, but if the CM that I'm about to start using teaches them properly I will be eternally grateful!!! .

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/11/2010 16:13

there is no reason any child needs to be fed every hr/90mins unless a medical reason

yes he should try and feed his self but without the parents support you wont get very far :(

im a mean nanny and always say no hands even when young (good thing i havnt had jobs that are blw )

marriedandlookingforcake · 23/11/2010 16:24

I'd feed him but give him a spoon as well to see if he'll have a go himself. In fact that's what I usually do to get them going with a spoon, regardless of what they do at home.

Oligo · 23/11/2010 19:04

Sounds like spoon might be getting scary for him. Could get him to feed you with spoon so used to holding it. Play with spoon in other contexts- with an empty bowl etc.

Danthe4th · 23/11/2010 22:42

Use lots of different size spoons in messy play.You could spoon jelly into ice cube trays, sand into pots, pretend to feed dolls etc.
No child needs to be fed every hour unless they have a medical reason. Sounds a bit stressful for you. I would go with sandwiches and finger food for a while and try re-introducing bowls of food in a months time.
I had a child that would want to constantly graze and walk around holding a cup in one hand and a breadstick in the other, in fact thats how they used to arrive!!! I wouldn't allow it but she had to accept it but I had to distract her for a few weeks to accept my ways.

colditz · 23/11/2010 22:46

I will rear my ugly head and say - make sure he has access to finger food as well as spoon food. My non sleeping child-who-wouldn't-use-a-spoon turned out to have some pretty major sensory issues, meaning he doesn't sleep and he finds holding cutlery physically painful.

so try it, obviously you have to try it - but don't push him tooo much.

colditz · 23/11/2010 22:47

With ds2 (other child) he used a fork - much easier to stab than to scoop.

Catilla · 23/11/2010 22:56

Can you have more than one spoon on the go... one for him, one for you?

Also I'd second the suggestion to use spoons in play... and not just messy play - how about spooning dry pasta/rice etc?

thebody · 24/11/2010 15:03

poor you..

well tbh I wouldnt feed any child every hour.. far too much time and money and make him wait for regular meal and snack time..so he is hungry at meal times..

give him finger foods as much as possible to save your sanity..

tell parents why...hint that its their job to lead the way in this not yours and to stop bloody feeding him.

if any child screams for me when a bowl of food is put in front of them then i remove the food and just make them wait till others have finished.. offer again.. if more screams its go hungry..

i dont allow that behaviour from own kids or mindees..

hard maybe but always worked for me..

Blondeshavemorefun · 24/11/2010 18:45

the body, you sound like me :)

MJB66 · 25/11/2010 09:35

Wise words from the Body & Looney
I might get flamed for this, but I belive if the child is hungry enough he/she will eat.
I think finger foods are the way to go too

As soon as my own 2 Ds's started weaning/Feeding them selves they had a knife, fork and spoon on the table, Tommee Tippee I think it was, used to do a plastic '1st' knife, fork & spoon set, just the right size for very little hands

thebody · 25/11/2010 09:47

total agreement for last two posts..

looneytune · 26/11/2010 13:26

Can't believe I didn't make a big thing about how often they eat!!! No, no, no.......do NOT feed that often. God, grazing all through the day is not on and if parents are sole carers and want to, so be it but no way should you be doing this!!! An approximate routine would be something like this and if they are hungry, they wait til the next snack!!:

7.30ish - breakfast
10ish - snack
12.30ish - lunch
3ish - snack
5pm - dinner

If I had a poorly child who was out of routine and missed the time they should have a certain something then I'd make allowances but no way would I be feeding them that often!!!

looneytune · 26/11/2010 13:28

Can I ask what sort of food you feed at these times. Can you give a rough example from one day?

Original poster

Saltire · 26/11/2010 13:37

Since I posted that thread he's hardly eaten at all. I think he is a very hungry baby, at least he eats whateve ris put inside of him. he also won't sleep at all (he's on his 7.5 minute nap just now) and his mum always maintains he sleep bette ron a full tummy. So I think, as part of my complete and utter selfihness of wanting to be able to go to loo/eat some food/do soem great things with his big brotehr then i am doing what the mum says.
They ahve F%^& all routine at home, eat when the parents can be bothered, every thing comes out of a tin or frozen or packet.
They often come to me at 9am, ahving been up since 6, and have had no breakfast.
His brother has normal food day like this.
Drop off 8.20
Home from school run at 09.15- breakfast (even though I stop breakfasts at 8.00am but apprently I shouldn't ever shut my kitchen)
10.30am snakc
12noon
lunch
2.00pm snack
4pm dinner

OP posts:

Original poster

Saltire · 26/11/2010 13:39

Sorry for typos have got headache verging on migraine.

Also both children have been ill since god knows when.
In the past 4 weeks I have been coughed on, sneezed on, vomited on, they are both really grumpy and snotty and tired etc.

OP posts:

looneytune · 26/11/2010 13:47

I have a mindee who is (nearly 4) and always has been (started at 8 weeks) a hungry child. So long as she eats the right sort of food, there is no reason I can see for needing food this often. If they do packets/tins etc. then it's probably full of salt and not satisfying him properly for long. Different foods provide different release of energy etc. (I'm not that great at this but one of my mindees parents are and they give me little bits of info that's helped my knowledge).

I know we all keep saying we don't know how you do this and I still feel that way but we can't make you give notice. Have you ever suggested they see a Dr or HV for advice. This 7.5 min nap is bonkers. I know you do whatever is needed for your loo break and stuff but I honestly think if things changed overall, you'd get a better sleeper so would have time for more than a quick wee. Honestly mate, how have you not lost the plot by now :( I suppose I've just got confident over the years and if I had children like these (not the children's fault!!) then I'd be saying to parents to sort it out/get advice from a Dr/HV or bye bye, I'll work with another family instead!!

This will never change unless you can get the parents to change. How much longer can you live like this? How much longer can you live in an empty house etc???? I'm not having a go at you, I'm angry FOR YOU that's all. xx

looneytune · 26/11/2010 13:48

I typed that before I saw your other post. poor you, big {{{hugs}}}. Their diet isn't going to help them get any better!

What is the younger ones food intake like at these 60-90 mins? I can't remember how many days a week they are with you?

lollipopmother · 26/11/2010 19:46

This sounds awful, I read all your posts about these kids and it's a nightmare from start to finish, I feel for you I really do. . Both of my mindees would eat all day if I let them, I absolutely refuse as I simply can't provide that amount of food, nor do I want to. My first proper mindee came to me at 15m and was completely spoon-fed and still being mashed up, I gave them 2 weeks to settle then I stopped feeding and mashing- I didn't ask parents permission to get them using their hands I just did it, no chance I was spoon feeding a 16m/o when BLW babies start eating on their own at 6-ish months.

This is the 1 y/o mindee we're talking about isn't it, I just want to be certain? DD was BLW but didn't start using cutlery confidently until relatively recently and she turned 2 a couple of months ago. Could you not just remove the spoon and leave the bowl of food for him to eat with his hands - all of mine do that, one is coming up to 15m, one is just coming up to 2 (and uses hands much more than cutlery but can use cutlery if they choose) and then DD who still uses her hands sometimes too.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/11/2010 11:05

they are grazers prob as dont have a decent breakie each day so they start the day hungary at yours :(

sunshinenanny · 27/11/2010 17:26

So his parents are able to get his food into him more quickly if they feed him! Do they still propose to continue this when he is at school, a teenager, ect. because he is never going to learn to eat and enjoy food or develop good table manners with this regime. I'm not surprised he doesn't like spoons if his experience of them is lets feed the baby as quickly as possible so we can have our dinner.

Sympathy for childminder and child. Cross at parents attitude but childminder won't get far without them on board.

Part of babies learning process is the messy art of learning to use a spoon and feed him/herself. Messy and Time consuming but very satisfying

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