ex-nanny ....worse than no nanny...must vent

[majorstress]

After politely letting her go (more than she deserved) with an extra days pay, I am getting several texts a day from ex "nanny" (of course another unqualified useless person which is all I could afford) demanding an extra weeks pay, mentioned in the contract somewhere. Point is, she never signed it, or if she did, never brought it back for us to countersign (there are several blank lines to fill in or sign on it, and I never saw it again after handing it over to be looked at and discussed), or provided any of the details needed to do the tax forms for nannytax, or even provided an address, all as asked by me more than once in the first week. By the second week (10 am on 3rd actual day of work) I had decided I was not happy on a number of fronts and so I would have to give up on so-called nannies and go part-time at work myself (still trying not to be despondent over that). Now I am getting threats of court, tax etc. all by text. I was contemplating paying up a bit on provision of the NI etc. details so I could at least get the tax issues straight (I am actually a stickler for that). The pay in the contract is gross so, even if I had out of kindness paid up, I think I would have been within my rights to deduct emergency tax. Now, I am too angry and feel quite determined not to pay a thing.

DH says this texting shows that I was right about her instability....though maybe this is just how people communicate now? Is there any way I can save these texts as evidence? Is this stalking? I feel very upset and afraid as well as cross.

As you have presumably paid for the services of nannytax, could you call them and ask for their advice? I've (luckily) never had recourse to it but they do have a legal helpline. Also, would suggest that you respond to ex-nanny to say that you do not communicate by text and if she will put her concerns in writing, you will also respond to her in writing. TBH, I am a bit shocked that you let her start work for you without having a signed contract or (more especially) an address.

Good idea about the writing, now I know what to say if she phones. I think I won't text her back at any cost, I will await the threatened court documents. Well, it never got signed because she kept changing the day and time I wanted to go over the contract (I kept re-arranging others to childmind so we wouldn't be interrupted), then kept forgetting to bring it, and the 3 days she was here both I and the previous nanny were there to oversee everything. She never had sole charge. I don't see how she can hold me to it if she didn't do what it asked and my and DH's names are not signed (though there is space and our names are typed awaiting the signatures). DH never even saw the final version!

I have really put my heart into having good care at home for my kids for over a year and I feel almost suicidal now.

Does anyone know about how to save texts for legal purposes?

i'm not saying the nanny is right by ant means actually she sounds unprofessional indeed but if it was in the contract that a weeks pay would be given, signed or not do you not feel you should oblige to that?

How long has she been with you?? that makes a difference i s'pose.

the way she is dealing with it is not good though, she should call and discuss it like an adult.

you can save them on your phone I guess

there is this service treasure my text but I have not used it myself and I think you have to pay for it.

thanks fox, will check it out. and nannyjo-she was with me for 3 days, the first 2 overlapping with last nanny and the 3rd with me overseeing (and not likeing wha I saw) the whole day, on full pay. I gave 1 days pay in lieu on arrival on the 4th. I was willing to give the other day once I got the details for nannytax-but she refused to give them.

isn;t it amazing the wierd services you can get (don;t answer that!) but honestly I would never in a million years want to treasure my texts-until today. not "treasure" more like "hoard fearfully just in case"

majorstress, you've had some rotten luck with your childcare .

I'm a childminder but am in Glasgow so a bit far away from you!

Hope you get this sorted, don't know what to suggest to help. Sorry

sorry major stress, no she's trying to pull a fast one on you. cheeky or what!!!

She doesn't have a leg to stand on if it does go to court.
did you have a sttling in period in this contract anyway??

yes it had a probation period, can't remember the exact wording. BUT it was very clear that I wanted it signed before I would turn over sole charge, but I stopped pressuring her about that after a couple of attempts - before she even started we felt sole charge was not a good idea at least until I and old nanny had looked her over and the verdict was-this isn't right.

Majorstress, goodness your childcare problems never seem to finish. I so sorry about this latest event.

I can't believe that you are still looking for somebody special for your children. Arghhhh!

I understand that she was with you for three days. Did she give up a job for your position by any chance? How did you find her in the first place and this obviously was a trial period but as you saw her in action she was so bad that there was no point in continuing. That is fair enough. I have had a few trials with nannies or housekeeper/nannies and I have never been subject to this. I would call your mobile phone company and see what your position is with her sending you offensive texts. YOu could also contact her service provider and send them a couple/few so they can see what she is using her phone for. I think that is illegal.

Going back to the nanny, did you take up references, have you got her P45 to demonstrate that she has actually had tax paid before? How did you end things with her? Did you try to cushion the blow or were you abrupt? I am not saying that this justifies her behaviour but with my last HK/Nanny who I had on trial for 3 weeks, I came back from my holiday and I could see she hadn't done as I had asked of her and also she called in sick. I decided to sack her and when she turned up the next day I said that it wasn't working out, life is too short to do a job 5 days a week that isn't enjoyable, best to find something more suitable and she kept on apologising asked me when she should leave. I said there was no point in continuing and all the best, please keep in touch and off she went. I was sooo very cheerful but the day before I could have strangled her.

I don't know what your budget is or what hours you require or where you live but if you want to cat me your tel no I can go through with you how I recruit. I have nine years exp of recruiting (nannies!!!!) as a recruitment consultant so I have seen a few over the years but its not until you recruit them for yourself that you really learn how much angst they can be. I have wised up to a second interview now where I ask the nanny or hk/nanny to work the full day for which she is paid so that I can see if I can both work and live with her. Please look at the thread "Should I give my nanny a second chance".

just call her and leave a message saying that if she doesn't st

Hi Majorstress,
can't you just store messages in your phone by just "leaving them there",so to say,not deleting them?I've still got some texts in my phone that are over a year old...too lazy to delete them

Majorstress, you could point out to her that (a) she refused to sign the contract despite being repeatedly asked, which in itself concerned you, (b) it was made clear orally and in the written contract she wouldn't sign that there was a probationary period during or after which she could be released without liability if she was unsuitable for the job; (c) you DID find her unsuitable, in fact you and your existing nanny both found her incapable of being left in sole charge, which was a fundamental requirement of the job; (d) you have reduced your hours so that the job no longer exists, ie you have made her redundant (but she gets no redundancy pay as she hasn't worked for you long enough); and (e) if she would like to attempt to sue you then she should go right ahead but any more direct contact, texts, emails or telephone calls (other than from her lawyers) and you will be pursuing her with the police for harassment.

Should get rid of her, with luck

yes I could and do leave the texts there but am worried about phone packing up, deleting by mistake, etc. The messages aren't offensive per se just frequent, lengthy and repetitive, and also show what I asked her for myself (hoping to sort it out by text wih no further aggro) and the negative responses to me. Chicpea I think one NEEDS to be a recruitment professional to hire a nanny-I have given up on nannies (can;t afford a real one anyway) and all such help for now and changed my job to part time, and am considering quitting altogether. I didn't get a p45, as she said she was going on working for someone else(who didn't answer her phone..?) 2 or 3 days a week. (my job was only for the other 2 days a week.) None of the referees returned my calls, which I was still trying to take up when she started under supervision (had to recruit her while on holiday). On the day of dismissal, I paid a days extra and I cushioned the blow so much it was daft, and didn't explain any niggles, because we were worried about signs of instability (obviously rightly). Just said my hours had changed (true). And I hadn't put in the blessed contract things like "don't alter days and times of work on a daily basis" or "don't talk incessantly on phone to mates when employer is trying to train you or ignored toddler is wandering at edge of busy road". Apart from fears about children's safety, I decided I just can't train someone to have commonsense.

I remember last year when I called a friend to ask how her au pair had gone, having already started to get one myself, and my surprise how negative she was and how she had given up on all outside help, even a cleaner after a series of bad experiences...I thought I wouldn't be so unlucky! silly me.

thanks princesspeahaed. have told dh what to say if she rings (put it in writing, we can't discuss it). do you think I should ring her myself? currently i am ignoring my mobile, can't bear to look to see if there are any more texts. Should be asleep now, but can't.

this is the crux of the matter though-I'm not that fussy but there were so many things she didn't comply with, right from the word go. Not signing and returning the contract as asked more than once is actually pretty fundamental, and was an indicator of the whole attitude problem. She was totally astonished to be let go.

Don't pay, ignore texts, she will tire. Silly mare.

Majorstress,just checked my mobile(motorola) and discovered an option to "lock" text messages:view message,press "options",scroll down,press "lock" and if you do that they can't be deleted.Maybe you've got something like that on your handset?
Good luck with it all...what a nightmare...

thanks littleA hurray it does have that featrure, I wonder if it might block any more coming in though-hang on maybe that would be good. the latest one is more conciliatory in tone. I think if I just stop responding she will give up as clearly not brave enough to speak to me in real life (for the record I am a very quiet shy mouse, I never shout except in extremis at dd1 once or twice (blood pouring form dd2 usually does it) but I sound American which some equate with aggressive. But even this mouse has her limits). At the end of the day I WAS willing to stump up a bit in exchange for cooperation on the form filling-in details, which she refused. (My dds have taught me well-they get what they want only in exchange for what I want ). She may not understand this, but I am not going to explain it again by bl**dy text for goodness sake. And now I am angry- is barraging someone with texts a reasonable way to treat them? This is a very personal attack as my phone is a treo, a long-planned , saved for and precious purchase for ME (rare), which has all my diary etc and on which I read lots of books, mainly self help ones at the moment to try to learn to be happy-now it is always beeping and flashing to give me more stress.

This IS a nightmare, it really is what dh was afraid of, he never wanted any strangers in his home, and now I feel like I've caused us to feel like we have been burgled or something. It's given him more leverage to push me out of my career, and now he wants to leave the area, admittedly a dump, since we don't need to live near my work anymore, just to work there 2 days a week. My peace of mind, such as it was, has been destroyed. I have lost a lot of confidence in myself, but have gained experience in hiring and firing, so will apply that experience to training my part time (probably total in time) replacement at work, where this intrusion into my home and personal life would be very unlikley.

oh majorstress, don't let it force you into a position you don't want to be in. 4 years ago I gave up work because I couldn't find suitable childcare (everyone kept letting me down and as I was the one that seemed to bear full responsibility for the childcare, it was always me and my job that suffered). Dh breathed a huge sigh of relief because it meant life was so much easier for him - I wasn't stressed trying to deal with it all and he could have me at home sorting out the kids, our life etc. and although I must admit, it was FAR easier in the short term, now 4 years down the line, we are much worse off financially and I want to go back to work but am finding it VERY difficult.

I'm not trying to alter your decision (whatever you decide) and I know what an absolute pain it is sorting out childcare when you can't afford to pay top whack nanny fees for someone who's (supposedly) reliable.

my dad is urging me to hang on to my independence, he has seen so many women suffer (he was a manager mainly of female staff, and quite sympathetic to them I remember). Not that dh seems ready to depart...but.

Majorstress, your "x-nanny" sounds horrible. Good thing you got rid of her.

Her tactics sound a bit like Lidka's (my first hire). I deducted the damage to her room from her final pay cheque and she sent me nasty texts and e-mails threatening to sue me in a Polish court. Very funny in my opinion. I'm no lawyer, but I don't think they govern English employment Law in "my country" (Poland).

Text her back and inform her you will respond only to a written letter. Then , ignore her. She will go away.

Hang in there. And please don't let these terribly nannies get the better of you.

(((hugs)))

HI uwila, how's things? Well, I think if the texts don' dry up in a few days that I will text back once more aboout the in writing only-but I think it will just encourage her at this point, she's running out of steam I think. I am fed up of being bullied and will pay extra tax to the IR rather than have anyhting furhter to do with her.

I am VERY glad that I didn't hire her in the end-I KNEW something was wrong.