I just dont know what to do? ...... bit long sorry

[Mosschops30]

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Talking directly to your ds is a very good sign IMO. I think it's one of the big ways you can tell it's someone who is good with children and likes their company. this childminder sounds better to me from what you say.

Mosschops, this other cm who lives further away sounds like she could be ideal for you. I would just say though that just because the other one you saw only had her own 2, I don't necessarily think she wouldn't be as nice to your ds, especially as there is a fair bit of age difference. Also, I suspect that quite of lot of childminders only look into doing childminding so that they can be at home with their own, I suppose it was honest of her to say that, but not perhaps the thing to say to "sell herself". I must admit when my mindee's mother first came to see me and asked why I had decided on doing childminding, I didn't give her any bullshit, I said that I gave up my job because it wasn't financially viable for me to work and pay for childcare for my 2 so I looked into a job which I could do from home, I like children anyway, think most children take to me etc, so I am giving it a go. Good job I'm not in sales!
Anyway, this other cm does sound good, so I really hope it works out for you.

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IMHO I would go with the one you saw today

I would be honest with the other one and say it was because of her 3 year old picking up your baby

Otherwise she won't think there is anything wrong with it and won't learn iyswim

I am really very much in favour of honesty, but that is just me

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Mosschops, I think RTK is right, and I know honesty is the best policy, but in your circumstances I would probably come up with another reason why you are not going ahead. If you're anything like me, and dislike situations like this, if you do say it's because of the issue of her child picking up your ds, then she might try to talk you round and you really don't seem to me to be nearly as happy with her as with the other cm you have found that lives a bit further away. If you haven't signed anything contract wise then you are under no obligation - she might be a bit miffed but that's the nature of the job. In my very limited experience as a cm both parents and cm have to be completely comfortable with every aspect or the relationship will not work.
HTH

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Glad you have made a decision and are happy with it I'd fib too...it's not lying exactly

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I think you accept it as part of the job - I definatly prefer people to say No thanks rather than just not getting any comeback.

I do feel a bit peeved - but DH says if we weren't the right C/Mers for them - they probably weren't the right parents for us (iyswim)

Kind of if our beliefs and feelings and attitudes aren't the same (or similar) then it won't work.......

Glad you're happy with your new minder

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Absolutely - I gave you that advise further down

OFSTED will only investigate if a number of compliants come in, so it might be worth - if you want to ringing anonymusly - but only if you feel strongly enough. They may make a visit?

I think what you did is fine (& safe - iyswim)

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I always appreciate it if parents let you know that they won't be asking you to be their childminder, because at least then I know (even if I'm disappointed!)

I guess I'd like to know the reason why (but only if it's something inane - like the colour of my front door or my addiction to chocolate!!)