Try and work out a way for ds to stay with current cm or find something else....

[Eddas]

I have just collected ds from his CM, who's he's been with for nearly 2 years now. He's always been happy there, I've had no issues and apart from ds' eating habits the cm seems happy too. In September when ds started at the cm's local pre-school the cm decided it would be a good time to buy the puppy her ds had always wanted. I had no objections, not that I could stop her! My ds had always been fine around animals, we only have a cat so he isn't used to dogs.

Fast forward to today and cm says 'maybe you want to find somewhere for your ds during the hols as he doesn't like the dog and although after pre-school I keep the dog in his cage I can't do that for full days in the hols'

Cue me being rather shocked.

DS doesn't ever say he doesn't like the dog, he says the dog 'bites' him, which obviously doesn't mean bite but maybe as he's a puppy he nuzzles at ds or something. Clearly the cm wouldn't let the dog bite!!

But now I have no idea what to do. I really don't want to find new childcare.Ds starts school next sept and the cm has always known that once he is at school he won't come to her so we're only talking another 10 months and I won't need childcare(will go to working school hours term time only-very lucky to have this kind of job!)

I tried to stay calm with her and said I really didn't want to find anyone else and that it would be a struggle to find someone.
but I was shocked and she must have known i wasn't very happy. I know she can do what she likes and I may have to find someone else but I took ages to find her and was happy that ds was settled now until he starts school

Perhaps when I pick ds up tomorrow she will tell me it's all ok

I would ask to go and stay with your ds when the puppy is loose and see how he reacts. Personally I wouldn't want the puppy around children all the time so the cage seems like a good idea, and I can understand that she doesn't want the puppy in the cage for ever.
I think something must have happened for her to say that your ds is not happy, the longest holiday is obviously the summer holiday and the dog will be bigger by then and may have calmed down. Can you work your holidays around the xmas hols and the half term so your ds doesn't spend so much time there, and tell her thats what you will do.

That's a good suggestion, it's hard for me to get to see her because I work to tight drop off/pick up schedule but I have text to see if I can come a little early tomorrow or call her tonight to speak more about it. I am off between christmas and new year but would need childcare for the week leading up to christmas as school has finished and I don't have any leave left.

I do understand that the puppy cannot stay in the cage for hours, I wouldn't expect that, but surely the puppy is her issue not mine?

She also mentioned that another mindee cries all the time he's with her now as he doesn't like the puppy either. I wonder if she has suggested they find alternative care? I suspect not as he is a twin and he and his brother have been with her since 6 months old and they are now 5 or 6.

I guess in a way I am unhappy that her decision to buy a puppy has meant I might have to find alternative care.

CM has just text back, she says she just wants ds to be happy. so maybe there's more than the puppy going on?

I have tried to speak to ds about it but interpreting a 3 year old can be tricky! He says he wants me to pick him up from pre-school They know how to tug on the heart strings if only I didn't need to go to work

It sounds to me like she she doesn't want to have kids during the holidays any more and the puppy is a convenient excuse. If she has been looking after twins for the past 5/6 years she might just want to move on. A lot of people have difficulty ending things, especially if they are nice people and know it won't be taken well.

I appreciate finding alternative care for such a short period is a pita, but I don't think trying to persuade her to have your DS if she clearly doesn't want to is the way to go. You say the puppy is "her issue, not mine", well she is dealing with the issue by suggesting you find somewhere else for your son. The fact that you find that inconvenience is your issue, not hers.

Thanks for your opinion SD, I don't think the issue is not wanting kids in the holidays as my ds is her only non-school age child at the moment. All her other mindees are before/after school and holidays and they make up most of her income so i'm pretty sure she won't give that up

She does have a baby starting with her in Feb and another at some point next year so i'm fairly sure the issue isn't her wanting ds to leave but not wanting to tell me.

Reading between the lines and having thought a lot I think that perhaps ds hasn't been happy with her lately and maybe she doesn't know how to sort it out, but she hasn't approached me about this apart from one time when she and I thought ds was unwell and she rang asking me to collect him, which I did. When we got home he was suddenly fine!!

Perhaps it's just a conincidence that this has timed in with the puppy arriving? Perhaps it's to do with him starting a new pre-school?

I have spoken with him again(after my last post and text from cm) and he says he wants me to collect him from pre-school and not the cm, he says he doesn't want to go to the cm's.

I'm keen to sort this out as I don't think moving him would be the answer for him, I know it would be for her. I appreciate it's not nice when a child appears unhappy but he has been fine with me, no fuss being dropped, no indication that he was unhappy at all. I think I need to speak to the cm and see how we can move forward, if we can.

I know if she really doesn't want ds with her than i'll have no option but to find an alternative but it's not about it being inconvienent it's impossible to find any cm's near me and I don't want to disrupt ds again.

I have had to change his childcare a lot since he was born and I have thought long and hard about the change in Sept, what was best for him and decided to keep him where he was. The only other option is to find another cm near the current cm, or to pull him from the pre-school and find someone local. Either option means yet more settling in and quite frankly I''m not sure I can face it.

Childcare issues stress me out and make me depressed(sounds ott but i'm being honest) I really can't wait til ds starts school and I don't have to worry so much

It's a bit that she doesn't want to talk about it with you and try to solve any problems or issues there might be with DS.

She's not communicating well with you at all. Try to arrange a time when you can either talk with her face to face or over the phone (preferably face to face) and talk through what is going on.