I feel so bad :(

[julinka]

Feels like I have just blew away a good reliatonship with parents that I had.

I have been looking after this boy since September along with my son(I am nanny with own child)with the view I need to earn some money until I register as a childminder,which still is half way through.

I have been very flexible with the family,and although we have agreed to have certain amount of weeks and days,couple of times mom came to me and apologised saying her contract fell through and she can't do more than 2 days a week.

I accepted it,because I didn't really have much choice(but I have turned down other family for them before as I liked them).

I thought it has been going well,I was always very flexible and on certain days took her son to my place for couple of hours if she needed to do some work on the house.

Her husband has been coming home from work regularly late on average 20 mins.

I haven't said much bcoz I really liked them and their lovely son.

Have been taking them to local babygroups,parks on everyday basis.

Last week I met there a lovely mum who suggested to go for coffee afterwards but since the schedules of the lunch would come into it and thought it will be difficult with 2 toddlers to make them still for long,I suggested we would come to "my" place(by mine I mean family) and feed them and have a chat.

The visit was few hours but since I rarely communicate with child's mum as she is busy and just want to get out of hoouse when dad comes,I forgot to mention it to his mum because we haven't seen each other and haven't talked since,just few texts.

Now today I have seen mum for the first time and said,I heard the friend from babygroup mentioned she has seen you(as this week I didn't work as she has no job this week).
And mum said(not in a nasty way but polite) that she talked to her and my friend mentioned she has been in her house and that she hasn't felt comfortable about it as she doesn't know her and if it was a playdate she would have to know in advance.

It came as a surprise coz this just happened on the day and unplanned,but then I realised why she was concerned.

My friend is very upfront and her daughter has a red hair and she joked she calls her "ginger winger".The boy I look after has red hair too but I would never call him this way,ever.So mum obviously mentioned it(although she mentioned she doesn't think I would call her son this way),and the fact she doesn't want him to hear that.

I feel very bad as I understand he point of view and I am bit pissed with my friend for opening her mouth and saying so many details to her without even checking with me first.

I was hoping this could be a family I could have if i do childminding but can't help but wonder whether the trust has gone now from her side.

ohhh can;t get rid of this bad feeling... :(

And just feel like everything |I have done and went out of my way to be flexible is gone :(

So basically MB was a bit pissed off that she got told by someone ie a stranger that she was in her house and she didn't know about it

fair enough. A bit of an extreme reaction but didn't you discuss playdates etc

kwym about a Ginger winger - my friend calls her ds that - but obv your MB doesn't like that expression and again fair enough

do you not discuss your day with whoever you see

sure this can be resolved but you BOTH need to communicate

also you need to sort out dad coming home late every day

agree with blondes. i would be pissed off if a stranger told me they were in my house.

i think you should have just mentioned to the dad, regardless of how keen you were to get away. it is his home and you were looking after his child.

Over the years that I have had nannies, people I don't know have visited my house without me knowing. It's not a big deal and if it is to your MB then she should have made it clear to you before. You said yourself that mum was polite about this. Sounds like you may be overreacting?

Thank you for the respons Blonde.

Basically initially I have said it to her to buy a diary and will be writing everything so don't have to excplain another 10-15 mins,what he ate,did,how was he nap.

There was no diary so I was writing on a piece of paper but when they didn't bother to buy a diary I stopped writing(as I couldn't find any more paper in the house :)
and no one has complained.Had to text them few times to find out how he slep as he had a cough/temperature etc.

We didn't discuss the playdates,but I just assume that she would be happy(even though she found out from stranger and I can understand her not being happy but considering lack of communication from her side hmmm) to know he has more children around him as he is very shy in other children's company.I have noticed that early on and I do think that me taking him out and spending time with my son has improved it,I have made so many friends at babygroup,been invited to birthday paryies etc.I just thought it would be appreciated not other way around.

When his dad comes,we just swap quick the day was ok etc.And I don't remember why I didn't mention it,it wasn't on purpose in anyway.
If I was writing a diary,I would definitely write it in!

Oh dear I think I will try to talk to her again and explain the fact I don't know the girl that well and would not bring anyone into house again.

I have just talked to hubby and he reckons she doesn't like the girl and she has right to be mad coz it's he rhouse.Doesn't make me feel better :(

When I say polite,I meant she tried justifying saying like:"I know you wouldn't call him ginger winger but i don't want him to hear that as he will have that enough in the school."
It felt like she was directing it at me,even though not directly saying it.

That's why I feel bad as I have put my heart and soul into this jon and it seems like all the trust is gone :(

boyhoo

I am aware that she has a point but you know when dad comes I am dealing with 2 crazy toddlers and that was last thing on my mind.
Maybe the reason I didn't say it as I didn't think it was a big deal as she knew I have been to other poeple's houses.I hope you understand my thinking and logic behind my actions.

oh i know, it was just an oversight. i didn't mean to criticise. at least you know now, that it is something tehy will want to know.

It's always good to hear other people thoughts and I appreciate it,thank you.

Coz sometimes I don't think straight :).

I will be just honest and explain the situation again,and hopefully she knows what kind of person I am and not base the judgement on the other person she met.

Never mind,we all learn something every day.

i totally understand your actions but also totally understand mums as well.

if I were you I would tell mum exactly what you have told us and explain that you never meant to upset the applecart.

a word on your friend though.. not sure she isnt a bit of a loose cannon.. could be a troublemaker!!! also the ginger thing is just unpleasent imo.. if the child was black would she use other unpleasent words.. dont think so.. not nice..

dads lateness is a seperate issue.. get that sorted with him.. contract???...charge a late fee.. this usually stops it.. remember you are running a business not a service for friends...

you are totally right thebody.

I wouldn't even called her a friend(and she is a loose cannoon for saying I've been in your house and that comment that could be percieved racist) as I only met her 3 times in babygroups(although I did mention to mum it is my friend,hence her thinking maybe why I befriend her hmmm).

I felt very close to her as she is still breastfeeding her toddler daughter and I am still breastfeeding my son.So I felt hmm another good soul who doesn't think I am a hippy lol.

I will be tottaly aware,the thing is this was the first time I invited someone back home,although mum might think I have done it a lots due to this incident perhaps.

Yeah I think I will leave latenees for other time,need to sort this first.

Its done, mum has said her point of view, so the best thing you can do now is try and work past it.

Things like this are a huge learning curve, (and there will likely be many more occasions in years to come) but I also think that as a professional childcarer the responsibility for communication lies with you. Once you're registered it will be you, not your families, who will need to evidence to ofsted how well you work in partnership.

If you planned on remaining a nanny long term i accept that expenses are parents responsibility. However, As a Childminder I provide my childrens daily diaries. It is expected as part of the service I offer. Would it really have been a hardship to buy a cheap notebook in this case?

I really really would not bother taking lots of timt to explain further. As a mum I would be considering it done and dusted.

I would simply suggest that next time you see her you say "I'm really sorry that I brought someone in the house without checking first and I won't do it again and I can see now that it wasn't the right thing to do". End Of.

so shes not what you would call a friend, yet you stil had her back to your work

buy a diary and write in your weekly plans so least boss's know what you are doing, tho obv these can chnage due to ill children/bad weather etc but least a rough guide

or send a daily email/text to your mb, i often do that if not seeing her, plus mb/db like seeing pics of what we do

simple misunderstanding, but most nannys have playdates (know how much mn LOVE that word) so just mention that you may have guests/friends round and see what she says

Thank you:

StillSquiffy

I am planning to do a similar apology.Will let you know how it went.

Blonde:

Yes it was a very unplanned invite from my side,as she suggested to go for coffee.However,my boys were due to having lunch,so I thought they would be a nightmare in cafe,so I suggested to come to family home.
I actually know mums who are closer to me and I consider them my friend but we always meet in babygroups or park.
Never mind,guess it was an error of my judgement anyway.

I always take pics on my phone,bring work from babygroups that we have done.

Regards diary I will mention it to her today,I just really hope they read it as in past when I left the notes,it was never answered so I realised they never read what I write hmm.

PinkCanary:
It's not about 2 pounds I would spend(I am already spending quite a bit for babygroups from my own pocket)
but about the fact it is not looked into and appreciate it.Would you do something that parents don't even look into?

It's different to be a childminder because you do set your own rules,policies etc.This is a different situation I have to work in their place and be very flexible to their needs(not that I am planning to be not flexible once I am registered)

Hi guys,
just wanted to let you know it went really well with mum when she came to pick her son.

I have apologized again and explained everything and she said she felt woman was too much in to her face and also that her hubby's mum has got the cancer :(.So lot is going on.

I feel so much better and learned my lesson.

Thank you guys for your support.

glad all is better, and tbh i dont think it was a lesson learnt

you did what normal every day nannys do and have a playdate/lunch - not anything wrong as such iyswim :)

it is annoying if you write a dairy and no one reads it, but least it covers your back oif child falls over etc and you forget to mention it at the end of a busy day

Glad youre feeling better about the situation. however, Yes, I do still do things knowing that they aren't appreciated.

Unfortunately the sense of unappreciation will continue. Daily records have been an ongoing issue for me since i started Childminding. Parents will take books home and never return them. So I started using A5 sheets. (Still unappreciated). And at my last ofsted I was pulled up for not having enough evidence for home / setting communication.

I now use duplicate books. Home get a copy every day, plus I have a record of everything to notice any changes in routine, plan according to childrens interests, and just generally be able to look back and see what we've done.

Please don't assume that because the parents don't write back that they don't read what you write. I don't write back, after all, what would I say? 'Well done, glad you had fun' ?! It's not as if they have a lot they need to tell you.

true chitchat - maybe they need to tick it or put a happy :)