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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Nanny becoming foster carer - can it work?

51 replies

LittleMumSmall · 11/11/2010 10:51

We engaged a nanny end of Sept to look after DS (just turned 1) two days a week 9-5. She's really lovely and mumsy and DS loves her and she's super-reliable and friendly.

She told me this week that she is about to be interviewed to be a foster carer, which I assumed meant that she would be unable to look after our son any more, but she seems to think it won't cause any problems as she will be looking after children aged 3+.

I am a bit unsure about this situation. Firstly, I am currently paying for one-to-one care for DS and this won't be guaranteed in future. Secondly, I'm not sure about having her foster child/children around in our house, although she seems to think it will be nice for DS to have someone else to play with.

However, she is great and DS loves her - so should we continue to employ her? Should I be paying her less in light of the planned changes? Is it even permitted for her to care for children in my home, given that we have not been vetted by authorities etc? I'm currently 16 weeks PG and not quite sure I trust myself to make a good decision - WWYD? Thanks for advice x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

LoopyLoops · 11/11/2010 16:53

Yes, I wondered that too, in which case it might be deemed unsuitable because of the risk to the fostered child, rather than from him or her.

HSMM · 11/11/2010 17:09

I used to work full time and do respite foster care, overnights and weekends. Some of the children came from very troubled backgrounds and required a considerable amount of time on our part. A couple were lovely and I would happily have cared for them full time if we were in a position to do so.

I carried on with foster caring when I started CMing and had full support from the local authority. When Ofsted took over our inspections they made it impossible for us to carry on! We may well revisit that at some point, as they may have relaxed some of their rules since then.

Personally, I don't think I would be happy with a Nanny paid to give 1:1 care to my child to bring an unknown child into the equation (and maybe a series of different children).

nannynick · 11/11/2010 18:24

When Ofsted took over our inspections they made it impossible for us to carry on! We may well revisit that at some point, as they may have relaxed some of their rules since then.

I thought it was problematic. My memory isn't as good as it once was but I do recall the question of childminders being foster carers coming up in the past sometime.

So good to hear my memory wasn't getting it totally wrong. Good that the rules have been relaxed a bit... though I wonder in reality how many foster carers also childmind (or nanny).

colditz · 11/11/2010 18:30

If my nanny suddenly came into parental responsibility for whatevcer reason, I would be making it clear that if she didn't continue to provide my child with sole care, her service woud no longer be required.

Nobody else gets to bring ANY child to work, why should nannies?

nannynick · 11/11/2010 18:32

When using a childminder, there are risks that the childminders own children won't get on with the minded children. That I see as being a similar issue to a fostered child... the fostered child may not get on with the nannied child, and vice versa.

You really don't know how things will work out until it is tried. One thing childminders have is full knowledge of their own child's upbringing and development. Whereas with a fostered child, very little may be known by the foster carer (as SS may not pass on all information).

LMS - you need to consider the risks involved. It could well be sometime until your nanny is approved as a foster carer... so it may be a complete non issue as by that time you may have changed the type of childcare you use. Once another child is involved, then care won't be 1:1 also it wouldn't be nannying if it does not take place at your home - do you want someone elses child coming to your home each day?

MoonUnitAlpha · 11/11/2010 18:38

I am not clear, does she want to bring the foster child to work with her?

You're under no obligation to allow any nanny to bring their child to work with them. Unless she is exceptional or you can't afford a sole charge nanny then why would you want her child to come to?

If her partner is looking after the foster child on the days she works then that would be no problem at all.

Original poster

LittleMumSmall · 11/11/2010 18:56

Thanks to all who have posted - it's great to get a range of opinions and some views on aspects of this that I wouldn't have thought of myself.

It's made me focus on the one thing I want at present, which is 1-2-1 care for DS, and I will do what's needed to ensure that. However, as many posters have pointed out, it will be a while before our nanny gets a child (it's 2 months until her interview comes up) so we should be able to carry on as normal until then.

I really hope she is accepted as a foster carer as she's lovely and a natural with children, but I think I would be unhappy with trying to make this new situation fit our needs right now, especially with newborn on the way next year.

Thanks again to all, I really appreciate the feedback x

OP posts:

gizzy1973 · 11/11/2010 21:34

I looked into fostering a few years ago and was told i couldnt carry on as a nanny and look after a foster child as well - things may have changed but this was what i was told

cinpin · 12/11/2010 18:23

I have had a bad experience with a fostered child too. There is no way I would want my child looked after along side a fostered child. I realise that most fostered children are fine, but not all, alot come with a lot of problems through no fault of their own.

LoopyLoops · 12/11/2010 18:28

Oh for crying out loud.

Replace "I have had a bad experience with a fostered child too. There is no way I would want my child looked after along side a fostered child. I realise that most fostered children are fine, but not all, alot come with a lot of problems through no fault of their own." with

"I have had a bad experience with a disabled child too. There is no way I would want my child looked after along side a disabled child. I realise that most disabled children are fine, but not all, alot come with a lot of problems through no fault of their own."

"I have had a bad experience with a black child too. There is no way I would want my child looked after along side a black child. I realise that most fostered children are fine, but not all, alot come with a lot of problems through no fault of their own."

Can you not see why this is offensive?

cinpin · 12/11/2010 19:00

Every one is allowed an opinion and thats mine. No I do not think it is offensive thats my experience.

Alot of children that are fostered come with problems, not all but why if you are paying a nanny should you take that chance?

nannynick · 12/11/2010 19:20

"I have had a bad experience with men. There is no way I would want my child looked after by a man. I realise that most men are fine, but not all."

Yet men in childcare and primary school teaching represent a small minority - why? Because of parents views regarding men who work with kids.

Any statement like that will be offensive to someone. Point is with nannying... parents can choose their nanny based on any factor they like. Sex Discimination Act has applied now for many years in nanny recruitment, yet some parents will still try to advertise only for a female nanny... and will get away with that legally, despite the law. Why? Because it is employment within a private home. Hard to make laws apply there.

LoopyLoops · 12/11/2010 19:30

The point is, cinpin, it is fine for this employer to not want her nanny to bring another child to work. It is not fine for her to stipulate that certain types of children are OK and others not. I don't think the OP is saying this, but you are. You are being prejudiced and coming across as incredibly small-minded. You are being offensive, whether you can understand that or not.

LoopyLoops · 12/11/2010 19:31

By the way, alot isn't a word. It is 'a lot', two separate words.

pleasechange · 12/11/2010 19:53

It is different though. It is a fact that the majority of fostered child tend to come from difficult backgrounds. It is a fact that children from difficult backgrounds tend to have more problems growing up, frequently manifesting in problematic behaviour. Similar facts are not true for men/people of difference races/disabilities. No-one is saying all fostered children have difficulties, but we have pointed out that the probability is increased, as a factual statement

LoopyLoops · 12/11/2010 20:08

Black boys have a statistically higher chance of being excluded from school than other children. If the same comments were made about this group of children, you would be flamed.

cinpin · 12/11/2010 20:59

I think you are getting completely of the subject loopy.

I am speaking from personal experience thats all. I do not see why you keep bringing black children in to it, we are talking about fostered children.

Nick I have also seen jobs advertised for male nannies

pleasechange · 12/11/2010 21:01

ofgs Loopy you really are determined to take this thread as a personal attack. Calm down. The thread is not about race, it is specifically about fostering. Stop trying to claim that anyone offering the OP advice is racist, you're just being silly now

LoopyLoops · 12/11/2010 21:06

I haven't said anyone is being racist. I have said that you are being prejudiced, and that being prejudiced towards one group of people is no better than being prejudiced towards another. It is a comparison. Do you understand that?

I am totally flummoxed that you both fail to grasp this simple concept.

cinpin · 12/11/2010 21:18

I will agree to disagree on this one. We could go on all night and unlike you I do not come on to mumsnet to argue and have my spelling corrected.

LoopyLoops · 12/11/2010 21:23

Until you admit that it is not OK to be prejudiced towards some sections of society, I am not agreeing with you.

However, I can't be bothered to argue with people who seem incapable of understanding basic concepts, so, over and out from me.

frakkinup · 13/11/2010 06:23

I'm with loopy. If you had said you'd take it on a case by case basis and your justification for that is fostered children may have difficult backgrounds or problematic behaviour or the placement might be temporary which would be disruptive to your child that's entirely different but a blanket ban?

You can't control who children socialise with all the time. There might be fostered children at nursery or school. Your only grounds for objecting to them being there is if they are actually causing trouble.

cinpin · 13/11/2010 08:50

Course there is foster children everywhere, my daughters best freind for one who is lovely. My husband was also fostered and hes ok. Thing is you do not really know the backgrounds.

nanny7 · 13/11/2010 13:26

If I employed a nanny for 1 to 1 care for my child, I wouldn't wnat them to bring their own child with them!! If I wanted them to have other children to play with I would take them to nursery or employ a childminder!!!

sunshinenanny · 13/11/2010 20:37

Get over yourself Loopy! No one is saying all foster children are problematic but many do have issues that give cause for concern and picking on the spelling/grammar mistakes of people you don't agree with is just plain silly! You don't require an englist degree to enter an open conversation.

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