Horribly stressed - planning on using a nanny found on gumtree or am I mad?

[promenade]

Hello,

I'm feeling so stressed about finding a nanny I have been in tears today. When I had one child I used a private nursery and was happy with that - it seemed a very public and safe / controlled sort of childcare with the adult nursery workers keeping an eye on each other, inspections, locked gate etc. I never worried about dd while I was at work.

Now I have 2 dd's I can't afford a nursery anymore, and can only afford £10 gross for a nanny (north London) and can't afford an agency fee.

I am planning on hiring an eastern European woman I have found through gum tree, she is very nice, has 3ish years of experience, good ref's. BUT I feel so anxious about it. How can I hand over my two precious dd's to someone I don't know. How will I not worry about them all day when I don't know what they are doing. How will I know if they are happy, how she is with them etc. Is it insane to go with someone not found through an agency. She seems very nice but doesn't have specific childcare qualifications although is experienced. Has anyone had a good experience using this route?

I am in a complete state about this. Not going back to work definately isn't an option - it is 3 days a week.

Would I feel better going through an agency?

Sorry this turned into a bit of a ramble! Not sleeping much with the anxiety of making this decision !

Firstly, I am so happy to hear that you have worked out how much per hour Gross you can afford to pay a nanny. That is a great starting point - as you can tell candidates how much you are offering and they can then decide if they will or won't apply for the job.

You will worry about your DD's but your nanny can tell you what they are doing if you want to know. Text messages and photo messages can be useful in the first few days as a way of letting parents know how the day is going.

By not using an agency, you are not relying on someone else to do checks... so you have far more control and probably more knowledge about the nanny, as you will have spoken to the people providing references, you have interviewed the nanny and possibly have seen her for a second time where she has interacted with your children.

Some agencies are good, others are rubbish. So an agency may not have been of any help. Don't know if it would have made you feel better... maybe though maybe it's a false feeling of security as the agency hasn't done anything you haven't.

When you met the nanny, what did your gut instinct tell you? First reactions are often very important.

My gut instinct was that she was good and it could work. All my worries and fears bubbled up later, but I think that is partly exhaustion (7 month old still having lots of night feeds etc) and partly that I will be anxious whoever I decide on as it is a new situation for me.

I do feel reassured about not using an agency though -I guess they are not doing anything magic, and you are right I am speaking to the referees and am able to look at the CRB certificate etc just as well as they can.

My brain knows that if I find the right person this could be a really great situation, I think we will be a great family to work for, and want to form a good relationship with this new very important person in all our lives. I just need to convince my heart! I guess I just need to trust this person. And as my mum pointed out if it doesn't seem to be right I could always find someone new (although obv want to get it right first time).

Mmany people on this site don't use agencies and many good people have been found from the DIY approach.

It sounds like you are in a no choice situation though. If you can't use an agency due to costs I can sense you need to justify to yourself it is OK doing it this way for your children's sake. Don't worry - a lot of people have been in this situation and it has worked out OK.

To reassure yourself a bit more though, when you do check her references, don't just read them but call them and ask their opinion about what she's like. Ask the reasons why she stopped working for them? Check all the info stacks up.

Also make sure she is who she says she is - by checking her ID, passport & driving licence against the name on the CRB check (it sounds like you say she has one). I would also ask her to provide the police check that she should have had when she arrived in the UK (from her own country) if she came here with a view to moving into childcare. A CRB certificate only covers records from the UK. There is no tie in to any criminal records database from their own country.

If you've met her though and you sense she is a genuinely right person for you then that's worth an awful lot by itself so i'm sure it'll be fine..

promenade - finding childcare is SUCH a nightmare isn't it.
I would agree with the others that an agency wouldn't have added any realy benefit, except maybe convenience.
We have in the past had 2 nannies when my oldest 2 children were little. We found them both ourselves, thruogh advertising and then interviewing and checking references etc...
The first one was brilliant, the second slightly less so (a bit lazy!) but we sort of knew she wasnt going to be as good as the first.....
I think if you should definitely do as you have in checking references/crb checks etc...and then see how she interacts with your dd's on a couple of visits. We did at least 2 visits for the prospective nannies with the children as well as interviewing as I think watching how they interact with the dc is very important. I generally always favour experience over qualifications tbh as well. I recently amlmost hired a childminder who turned out to be AWFUL but had certificates and qualifications coming out of her ears!!
If you feel after all the above that she is the right person, then I would say trust your instincts. You can alswyas ask for some general weekly plan to be drawn up so you have some idea what theyre doing when (eg Monday am toddler group, Tues arts/crafts morning, weds trip to park etc....)
not to stick to rigidly but to have some outline.
And you are right that if it doesnt work out youcan always find someone else - and although obviously it is better to avoid that it's not the end of the world.
Good luck - I hope she turns out to be brilliant and it all goes well for you.

Thank you all so much for your replies. It is good to know that the DIY approach can work.

I am now definately going to arrange another visit before making a final decision, I don't know why I didn't think of this before! Also I didn't know about the additional police check. All ideas which will hopefully boost my confidence and feeling of security in the situation.

Thanks x

Definitely not mad, you can do anything an agency does.

Personally I think 3 things are important assuming she's happy with the salary/conditions you're offering:

Do you/your DDs feel comfortable with her?
Can you see this person in your home/life? Will you feel comfortable chatting to her about their day? Could you resolve a tricky work situation reasonably with her? Do you think she'll take instructions well? Did she interact with your DDs at interview? How did they seem with her? Is DD1 old enough to be asked her opinion?

Is she a suitable person?
Can she prove her identity? Does she have the right to work here? Is her CRB clear? Can she provide a CRB from her own country? Does she have a 1st aid certificate and nanny insurance? Does she seem to have a good awareness if safety and a general idea of childcare?

Can she provide references?
Are they verifiable? Are they positive? Would her referees rehire her? Does what she says about the job and what they say tally up? Is the reason for leaving the same as she gave? Did they ever have any concerns?

The main reason to go to an agency is that sometimes they save you some time. And an agency can get a CRB check done. But in terms of safety and quality control, you pay a lot of money for a nanny through an agency when oftentimes you can do better yourself. Nannies can deceive agencies just in the way they do you too and my belief is that many are nowhere near as thorough as they claim to be. You aren't letting yourself or your children down just because you aren't parting with £2K.

SO, as long as you're thorough about checking out her ID and references you can do it all yourself quite easily and maybe better. Ask good questions (Frakk posted a few, there is a mega list online at Mumsnet which can be searched for.)

Be wary of a reference supplied which is ONLY a mobile number, yahoo/gmail account, and no street address. Most people will probably use one of these as part of the process - mobile and gmail if they don't want to use their work details. But if ALL her references are like this and she can't provide any landline numbers, street addresses, etc it would give me pause for thought. Check that the basic details of the job and their family life like number of children etc match the story the nanny is telling.

APs I recruit via an agency but that's totally to do with time and not about safety. Our current nanny is from Gumtree and FAB. It's totally possible - you will also see agencies posting on there about jobs they are trying to fill so they use them too!

I agree with you about APs Harriet. For an AP, if they're already in the UK and looking for an au pair job then I always wonder why - have they been fired from another role, did they fall out with their last family, are they desparate - maybe after coming to the UK in search of another job and want to use au pairing as a 'soft landing' while she sorts out another type of job.

With nannys then obviously you will have all the British ones anyway on gumtree, but you will also find people like the OP has found, from overseas who may well have come here as an au pair, but have been here a few years and have now gained the experience to offer themselves in a nanny instead.

A fab gumtree nanny - music to my ears! The potential nanny is still working for one family and will continue to do so while working for me (both part time jobs) which is good - she hasn't ever been sacked / left a job.

Reflecting on your replies has made me realise that it is the identity, insurance, crb side of things that is a source of concern and I now feel empowered to go back to her and ask to look at documents etc again - I only glanced at them before really.

I feel so much better!

Also: frakk - such a clear way of breaking things down and thinking through the issues logically - thank you.

I was in a similar situation to you. Gut instinct counts for a lot. I don't think the first few days are ever easy (I cried on the way to work) - but for what it is worth it gets a LOT easier. Good childcare is worth its weight in gold. If you feel very uncertain - will she be going to a mother and toddler group which you have friends at? They may help to reassure your fears by telling you how good she was with your child - just a thought?