HELP please...choosing a childminder...again!

[OverflowingMum]

I need more help!! I am currently looking for a childminder, mainly for my 2.5 yr old son. I have considered 4 possible so far. Visited 2. One I initially quite liked.
Some issues over holidays/charges, but think I have resolved these. Had decided on her, and phoned her to tell her, but then got to talking about toys etc...as I had visited in an evening and there were no toys out....
Turns out she doesnt have any toys suitable for a boy of my sons age. I can understand this as she has had babies for a while, and girls before this....but says she doesnt even have things like jigsaws...etc....
so she has suggeste dI bring some of his own toys. I am perfectly happy to bring up a box of toys for hime to have at her house, but it just strikes me as odd. Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have some otys suitable for my son if I take her on? The other CM I visited had a whole playroom full of toys, and she doesn't even have any mindees yet...(but she was unsuitable for other reasons)
I just wonder if I hadn't asked what was she planning on doing with him every day?
Also on a weds she has agreed to collect my older girls from school. She will have to bring my 2.5 yr old, and she also has a 1yr old mindee on that day too, it is a 10 minute+ walk eah way, including crossing a busy road, so she is going to need a double buggy. I am not sure she has one, and if she doesn't can I expect her to buy one, or should we provide one? I realise that I cant expect her to fork out loads, but at the same time we are skint too, and I sort of feel these are tools of her tade that she should invest in. More specifically I am becoming anxious that she doesnt have these things and what that might imply about her as a childminder....
what do you all think? Please tell me if I am being totally unreasonable. I have never had a childminde rbefore (have done nannies and nurseries though!) and just really don't want to make the wrong choice.
TIA for any advice

Jigsaws can be obtained from charity shops at low cost... plus are a business cost so is claimable against her tax. So I'm a bit surprised that she wants you to bring toys, rather than getting some herself. She could also borrow a couple from CM friends I expect.

2.5yr olds enjoy being out and about, collecting sticks and stones for example (expect you have a collection of those!). However jigsaws are for their cognative development and fine motor skills, so you do expect to see a couple.

The CM should provide the buggy, again it is a tax deductible expense of running the business.

I can see why you are worried. If she isn't giving the impression that she will be providing the required equipment to be able to care for your son, then it isn't going to work, is it? She needs to convince you that she will be able to care for your son's needs, yet from what you have written it does not seem as though she is convincing you.

cm should provide the prams etc maybe she has a buggy board

bit wierd her not having toys for a 2.5yr old as any gender of child plays with jigsaws

is she new to cm?

maybe take your toys for a few weeks but hopefully she will buy some toys that are suitable

i have been a cm for 8yrs so got a great collection of toys even the ladys at the local ELC know me by name but the charity shops are a great place to shop too

thanks nannynick
He doesnt needs loads of toys tbh, he is so happy splashing in muddy puddles etc...
It is just that on the first meeting I did really like her (compared to others) but now I am having doubt...I think you have hit the nail on the head when you say she just isnt convincing me she can meet DS needs....
He is at nursery at the momnet, but hasnt settled well, so we wanted to go for a CM for a mor ehomely environment....but now I'm begining to think we may be better sticking it out where he is...
I'm so stressed about it all...it's such a big decision

dmo - she has been a CM for 10 years ...so I am quite shocked at her lack of toys...
She says she threw away a lot of the boys toys (cars etc) as they were old and she hasnt had boys for a while...and has had babies for lat year...but like you say no jigswas etc... even ??? also all toys are stored upstairs in daughters bedroom? That bothers me ...is that unreasonable? had sort of expected to see box of toys downstairs somewhere...
It is all so new to me, so I dont know if I am being unreasonable, or if I should listen to my gut niggles and change my mind about going with her....
I need to decide asap as I gave ds notice to nursery today, so need to let them know asap if he's staying....
oh...stress...going to bed know , will resume stressing out in the morning!

I don't know about your childminder but I know where to get my stuff and it never costs me anything (except a bit of petrol). I have a little boy I'm looking after and when he was starting with me I realised I need an extra highchair and a travelcot. I found both on freecycle for free. The thing with toys ... she should definitely provide some. But there are toy libraries, other childminders who we can swap tows with, also freecycle, ebay, carboot sales, charity shops etc ... so it's not like she has to invest a lot of money ... anything she does invest can be deducted before we pay the taxman so it's not that bad really.

toys should be excessable to the child

storing in her dd room is fine but there should be a varity of toys downstairs that the children can choose from and then maybe to next day different toys are downstairs (for example)

she should follow the EYFS and have different activitys for the children inc sand, water, play doh etc etc. this can be solved by attending different toddler groups (i go to 1 each day exp fridays where we go to a music class)

also learning and different varity and be found on a park etc

thanks all

I am still soo stressed about the whole thing!
I am going to ring her again today and express some of my concerns.
She will take him to a toddler group once a week which sounds good, and sounds as if she will do quite a lot of park type trips in the fine weather. That part all sounded good.
BUT I havent seen any evedence of her having the stuff to do sand/water play etc...or arts/crafts, although she says she has "colouring stuff"
The other CM I saw had a sheet with potential planned acivities for the week with things like baking, playdough, sticking etc on it...is this something all CM could be expected to provide? Not to stick to rigidly but as an outline?

Am begining to think we should just keep him at nursery and cope with the fact he doesn't like it much....

very fed up today.

When I ring her what things should I ask do you think?
can I ask her to get some toys and to have them downstairs?
can I ask her for an outline of some of the indoor activities she might do with him?

I am begining to feel stressed by her already...is this an indication that this just isn't going to work out I wonder??

any more views MUCH appreciated!

Also anyone know how I can find her ofsted report online?
She did show it me, and I read it briefly, but now cant find it online...dont know her reference number but tried searching he rname and adress but it said nothing found??

OK, found her report...
another quick question about numbers..
She can have up to 5 children under 8, is there any restriction on number of over 8s or do they not count at all?
And it says up to 3 in the "early years group" what age range is this?
Also it says the first floor is not to be used except the bathroom, so how does that work with her taking the children up to her daughters bedroom to choose toys? and she has also said my daughters can play in her daughters bedroom...is this OK?
I realise I am begining to sound slightly neurotic now so I'll shut up!

The ofsted website is useless. Don't worry about not being able to find her report. Just ask her again for the number, or a printed copy.
As a Childminder with masses of toys I share your concern, however her excuse that she had a clearing out of old and unneccesary toys could well be valid. However, she still has a legal responsibility to provide age and stage appropriate activities. Has she explained the EYFS to you and how she delivers it in her setting?
Ofsted will expect her to aquire resources for your son. And a second hand double pushchair can be picked up for next to nothing. But it is important that she resolves all your issues before you make such an important decision.

Over 8s are limited by insurance policy. Mine covers me to have upto 12 children on premises at any one time. However numbers wanting care drop off usually between ages 8 and 11
Early years is any child not in full time school.
And ofsted are quite faddy about wording on cert but you're right. Unless she gets it amended to include her DD's bedroom your child won't be covered by her insurance if he's in there.

OK, thanks pink canary

I drove a different way to take the kids to school this morning so I could go past her house, just tp get a feel of the traffic on the route I'd be doing...and we happened to pass her(taking her dd to school), she waved to us so I stopped to say hello.
I asked her if she had double buggy, she said she did, but then said it was more of a double pram and very heavy , and asked if DS wouldn't walk. I explained obviously he does walk (at 2 1/2) but that I didn't think him walking 10+ minutes up to school and then back again would be manageable along a busy road, as sometimes he does decide he wont hold your hand etc..or will just sit down when he doesnt want to walk any more, and given that she would already be pushing a 1 yr old in a buggy I thought that might be hard to manage. She continued to seem reluctant to consider double buggy, and asked if he would walk on reigns (not really!) My main concern is that she will be collecting my 4 daughters from school, who are 11,8,6 and 4, and whilst the oldest 2 are obvioulsy fine, the youngest 2 will require close supervision by the road, and I just dont see how she could manage that unless ds2 was in a buggy. I certainly would not attempt a journey like that with a 1 yr old a 2/12 yr old and 4 others unless the 2 youngest was safely in a buggy....
Strikes me she may not quite realise how challenging that pick up is going to be...

So I need to consider where to go from here....
I can insist she puts him in a buggy, and would if he goes there, but I just don't like the fact I seem to be getting into disagreements with her already....
I was so happy when I though I had found a nice CM, he is so unhappy at nursery, and it breaks myheart dropping him off and seeing hime so sad...but maybe this CM would just be swaping one lot of problems for another....

off to walkdog and to ponder my options!

Any more views at all much appreciated...DH is fed up of me going on about this, and I have no-one else to talk to .....

OK...update LOL
CM rang to say we could go round for visit at 11.30 (had tried to arrange visit for today previously but she said she couldnt make it [hmm)
So we went round....
she has a totally crazy dog, which she did tell me (well that she had a dog, not that it was crazy LOL) who was jumping up at ds, and barking and growling at him...now we have a dog, and sometimes she's a bit mad...but what upset me most was that the CM was CLEARLY more concerned about the dog than DS,,,
and she was currently minding a little boy, who it turns out is nearly 2, and she had NO toys out in the lounge (the mindee was napping) but the disney chanel was on the TV?!?
She had put some toys out on kitchen table to show me what she had...a few bits of play food, a cash register, 3 musical instruments and some books....not a lot considering whe currently has an almost 2 yr old little boy in her care.... I thought she had only had little babies recently...so find it quite odd that she wouldnt have any toys suitable for ds...
Also now turns out that she wants 3 weeks hols a year, but we only get 2 at half price, plus she cant garuntee that the third week would be in school hol time (which I had previoulsy asked as this is V important to us) and she was just REALLY irritating when talking about the fees etc... in fact talking about how and when we would pay seemed to be all she was bothered about...and yes I know she has to make a living but her whole attitude was just WRONG!
Sooooo glad I insisited on going round with DS before I comitted....lesson learned there!
Sooo I have rung ds nursery and told them he wont be leaving! Not sure I have the heart to try any more childminders...

Hi there. I think you have definately done the right thing in deciding not to take your son to new childminder. It all sounds wrong. I have childminded for 3.5 years and her setting seems the sort you want to avoid. Perhaps have another look at the list of childminders. There is the Gov website, childrens/families information service, childcare.co.uk...type in a few key words like childminders in (your area) a few websites shoud come up. Childminders in my area really vary lots - we can be very different. So don't be put off - please. Give it a little more time where the nursery is concerned. And good luck x

You are right to walk away from that one... it just does not sound like it's going to work.

Consider what your childcare needs are... you have 5 children so finding a provider who can take all 5 is going to prove tricky.

For now, nursery works for your DS... but consider what will happen once he is school aged. Childminders may be an option then.

What will now happen about your daughters? Do you have before/after school care already sorted out?

Yes nannynick...finding childcare to suit all 5 is a nightmare LOL
The girls already go to an afterschool club, there not overly thrilled with it, but it is OK TBH and it is only once a week...so that can stay as it is...
I will persevere with nursery for DS for now...it isn't ideal, but may be the best I can manage...think I have exhausted the list of local CM's but will double check...
OH I hate the hassles of childcare so much!!

Picks jaw up off floor.

I cannot believe a Childminder has so little!
I know what you actually do with a child is more important but the resources play a big part. If she has so little for a toddler how on earth did she plan to keep your school aged children entertained!?!?

I'm sorry it hasn't worked out for you this time. But it does sound like a lucky escape. Also bear in mind for future that majority of childminders do not charge when setting is closed (illness & holiday). Those that do may charge a lower standard rate, so over a year it averages out the same, so always check the figures long term.

OMG what a lucky escape!!![shcok]
I have just rung the CM to tell her we won't be going ahead with booking her, and she asked me why, so I explained that Ididn't think it was the right environment for my son, and that there were some difficulties with her holiday requests, and she just started ranting at me, saying how thatws very "cheeky" and that she had bent over backwards to accomodate me this week (has seen me twice) and that I had been quite "dictatorish" in what I had wanted (well yes I told her we needed someone who could take holidays during scholl hols because we do)
THEN she starte dtelling me that my son "needed some rules" cause he had been "touching everything" when we went to visit...(he had opened a glass fronted cupboard which had the stereo in, I told him not to and he moved away) I explained he was exploring, and that there were no toys out in the lounge which he would have played with had they been there.She told me thats caus she had put them all on the table for me to see...( all 6 of them then!)
She then went on to say "and he grabbed the dog round the neck, he shouldnt be allowed to treat animals like that" (he had tried to hug the dog, as he sometimes does with our dog, and the dog was leaping all over hime at this point) I suggested that maybe her large very bouncy very anxious dog was not the best dog to be around small children, and she told me her dog was lovely it was my son that was the problem! She also told me that he shouldnt need to be in a buggy at 2 1/2 and he needed more rules...
she went on and on and on!!! In the end I told her I had no intention of taking advice on how to raise my son from someone like her and that I was just letting her know we wouldnt be using her and hung up!

OH I cant believe how horrible she was! Yes I accept that DS canbe naughty at times, and he is lively and enquisitive, but he is a 2 1/2 year old boy, what does she expcet!
Soooo glad we didnt go down that route. So scarey to think I even contemplated sending my kids to person like that!
Will be sticking to nurseries from now on! (sorry to all you lovely CM out there, but that has really scared me!)[shck]

oh boy... yep lucky escape. Clearly she hasn't cared for a toddler for a while.

Not all childminders are like that... and some nursery staff can be a bit odd in not expecting children to make a mess, not explore their world etc. I do wonder sometimes why some people look after children.

He is used to being at nursery, so stick with that for a while. Then reconsider your childcare options later on, such as when DS goes to school, or isn't liking nursery.

OMFG - I honestly don't swear normally, I don't BUT I can't believe how she treated you!!! How on earth has she been able to childmind all this time if she's so precious about everything. The dog would put me off too as although we're allowed them, we should have policies in place explaining how we will keep the children safe etc. and they shouldn't be jumping all over your child!! I also don't like the thing about the school run. I have 5 very capable 2/3 year old walkers (only 4 at a time though) and although on their own they'd be fine, with a busy school run and roads etc. my priority is to keep everyone as safe as possible. Now when I start with a new one, I gradually build up to them walking on their own on the school run (even with a 5/6 year old, they'd be holding my hand/the pram until I know they are ok to hold a child's hand or walk on their own). So with your child I'd start by using the double buggy (because of the younger one) and I'd practice in quiet walks with no school kiddies to see how yours behaved on the walk. Then when I felt ready, I'd do the school run with them at a time when it's not the actual school run iyswim. Then when I felt ready, I'd put them with one of my little backpacks (they all love) with a strap and that would be on the pram handle or my wrist and then I'd let loose with just holding the pram side when I KNEW I could trust them. This would all take some time but I'm boring and safety comes before freedom!! If it was just yours that was the little one, i maybe wouldn't take as long/be quite so worried (although would have to use a backpack for a while) but a 2.5 yr old walking along side a pram is very different to them walking on their own, as the pram could trip them up etc. I'd definitely definitely start with a double buggy if I was taking all your children on at once!!

As for lack of toys! And no, it's her responsibiltiy to provide all the equipment, I can't believe she expected you to!

Anyway, you've had a very lucky escape!! Well done you for saying something to her, she sounds horrible!

Please don't think all childminders are like that one! :( But I also understand that you don't want to go through the whole thing of looking again. I agree it's best for your lo to stay in nursery a bit longer and see if it improves but if it doesn't and you feel a more homely environment would be better, please don't be put off in the future :)

With the number of children you have, would a nanny work better? I know nannies are a lot more expensive than us childminders but once you have more than 2/3 children, I believe it can actually be cheaper overall?

Anyway, fingers crossed your ds settles at nursery soon :)

OMG she sounds off her trolley! Lucky escape, glad you listened to your instincts. I too had a lucky escape a couple of years ago, I was so fedup with trying find someone suitable and felt like I was being such a PFB type mum so I decided to go with a CM who would not normally have been my first choice but thank god, my friend knew her and warned me off completely and I was so shocked by some of the things I heard that I still feel sick now thinking about it. She is no longer working as a CM (not due to me tho!). Hope everything works out for you. What was her OFSTED report like? Do you feel that there is anything that you could report to OFSTED? Sounds like she needs some support/training.