Childminders- Toddler with attachment issues?

[TheMulledBloodsOnMe]

I have a 2yr old who I have been minding for about a year now. I'll call the child X. I care for X 3 out of 5 days a week. Up until the last few weeks things have been ok but recently X has started crying when X arriveS in the morning, asking for 'mum' several times during the day and tears are never far from the surface.

I have tried 2 different approaches. I have been sympathetic and offered cuddles but this seems to make X even more upset. The crying gets worse.

The other approach is what I am doing at the moment which is acting normally, ignoring the tears and just trying to get X involved with what we are doing. This seems to work a bit better but X is never far from tears. It only takes another child to touch X or try to interact with X or another child saying 'mum', 'dad' or 'home' to set X off again.

I really don't know what to do for the best. I've spoken to mum about it and mum thinks that it's because X has spent some time with her over the weekend X is missing her.

What do you think is the matter and what can I do to make the situation better?

I could have written this post! I have a 2.3 yr old who
has been like this for the last few months. I've found that he is worse when mum drops off rather than dad and feel that it may be due to mum preempting his tears and 'reassuring' on the way to my house. This seems to worry mindee and leaves him upset most of the day. He's much worse when he is tired- he is sometimes exhausted despite apantly sleeping well. On further questioning parents I found that he'd just moved into a big bed and wasn't getting to sleep til 10 at night.
It's tricky for you as many things may have changed at home that you won't know about - I had another 2 yr old who did the same, later turned out that mum was pregnant with no.2.
It sounds like you are doing all you can, asking parents, managing the behaviour etc but I feel for you as it can be very hard placating a little one and dealing with the emotional fall out of other mindees and, if you are anything like me, your own frustration at not being able to make a difference! V long post, sorry I can't offer any practical advice but hope it's just a 2 yr old phase rather than a genuine attachment disorder and that peace will ressume in your house soon.

Thanks for your reply Chica. It makes me feel a bit down that's all as I thought X liked coming to me, and now it seems that X doesn't, however, mum spending more time with X can only be a good thing and maybe it's just taking X some time to adjust to this. Maybe X finds it confusing as X is a very sensitive child. I don't feel that X has had a very close bond with mum in the past and I also feel that children who are secure in their parents love, don't get problems like this. It's the children who are a bit insecure that struggle.

I hope your situation gets better, I can't imagine this going on for another few months as yours has! You must have the patience of a saint!

As you've pointed out, X may be developing a stronger attachment to mum, due to increased time with her. This could make him feel unsettled when he comes to you. However, it sounds to me as though you are really trying to be sensitive to X's needs, and are trying different things. If you continue with a supportive, responsive approach, X will reattach to you during the day, and then transfer this to mum in the evening. The important thing is that you don't withdraw your affection/responsiveness, but be emotionally available. When he cries for mum, this is normal, given the new home arrangements (a more responsive mum). X's emotional development is at an early stage (age) and he is unable to process these new complex emotions. Crying is not abnormal in this situation. It is hard for you though! Don't feel that you are doing anything wrong. Help him to recognise that he misses mum and this is ok. Reassure him that mum will return at X time. If it continues, you could suggest that mum gives him something that is hers (this is known as a transitional object), which means that she will come back to him at eg tea time. This is an effective strategy for lots of young children.

Sometimes diversion will work, other times X will need reassurance and empathy to help him recognise and lable complex feelings (sadness, worry etc). It's going to need a bit of time.

Good luck. I think X will settle again in time.

What Muffin says!
A good transitional object suggested on a training I did is a set of keys - real keys that look like (or are duplicates of) the house keys. Child knows Mum HAS to come back as he's got the house keys lol