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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Have I just shot myself in the foot with CM?

26 replies

Greedygirl · 18/10/2010 21:31

A couple of weeks ago I let my CM know that I might be considering moving my DS to a more local placement. I told her that there were no issues with the care (true) but that someone I knew was going through the process of becoming registered as a CM and I was thinking ahead to drop offs at school etc. I emphasised that nothing was sorted officially but it would hopefully be sorted by Jan. Today she told me she had a child lined up and that within the next month my DS would no longer have a place. I was a bit floored by this as I had genuinely just intended to give her advance warning, not to completely terminate the placement!

Was I just a wally for doing this? I can see her point of view - she has a business to run. On the other hand I am a bit gutted. I wish I had kept my mouth shut! My new CM btw is not ready to take children yet.

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Danthe4th · 18/10/2010 21:33

Sounds like she has found a replacement, can the new childminder perhaps nanny for you while her registration is completed.

Original poster

Greedygirl · 18/10/2010 21:35

How would that work then? I can do it as a private arrangement is that right? I would have to talk to her, I think she would be reluctant though. It is a good idea though - thank you!

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HSMM · 18/10/2010 21:37

She might not have done this deliberately. The other parent might have come along requesting a place and she might not be able to afford to face the chance of not having as much income in Jan, so has had to give you notice.

Like Dan said - can the new CM nanny for you til Jan (or whenever).

Original poster

Greedygirl · 18/10/2010 21:41

I totally understand her point of view but I am a bit stressed all the same. I think if she had explained to me that someone had requested a place and she didn't now feel she was in a position to turn them down, I would have been happier. As it is I feel quite upset that by being totally open I have ended up with no child care for the rest of the year!

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Original poster

Greedygirl · 18/10/2010 21:42

Do you know how I would go about the nannying thing?! Thanks .

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ChippingIn · 18/10/2010 21:44

I think she has been unprofessional & unreasonable - you have a period of notice in your contract I assume? If so, she should have waited until you gave her that notice... she could have told the new people they would have to wait or she could have asked you if you could make other arrangements for the 'gap' - but to 'give you notice' on the back of your comment when she knew you wouldn't be going until the new year is shite. I hope you can make other arrangements quickly - CM as a nanny would be perfect if she's willing.

Original poster

Greedygirl · 18/10/2010 21:49

Cheers ChippingIn. I have just looked briefly at some advice re employing a nanny and it has scared me slightly! But I guess I could contact the local Family Info Service to see if they offer any support. I am not sure my new CM will go for it but I can only ask I suppose. My CM did suggest that she could still have my DS for 1 day and another CM could be approached for the other day but I really don't want to do that.

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TheMulledBloodsOnMe · 18/10/2010 21:59

I tend to agree with your CMer, however, I would have given you as much notice as was agreed in the contract. I wouldn't just terminate without warning but I do have a business to run and if a client was umming and ahhing about staying with me then I would prefer to give that space to someone who was sure they needed my services. It is my source of income and I would need the relative security of long-term client rather than one who may or may not be with me in a months time.

I think you should have kept quiet and only said something if you were about to hand in your notice.

Original poster

Greedygirl · 18/10/2010 22:07

I completely agree but I did it with the best of intentions. I can see now that this was a mistake and I would not be so open in the future. I only told her because I felt like I was being two-faced! I just feel sick about the whole thing and annoyed at my big flappy mouth and need to be upfront!

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HSMM · 18/10/2010 22:08

It does look like the CM has given the required notice. I did have someone after a future vacancy recently, but when I said it would not be available til Jan, they were OK to wait til Jan (I think Grandparents are helping out in the meantime), so I have not had to let existing parents down, to fill my space. I do however desperately need the income, so I can understand the CM, as long as she has given the required notice as per your contract. Sorry, harsh, but a fact of life (and mortgage repayments)

Original poster

Greedygirl · 18/10/2010 22:14

No not harsh - truthful! But I preferred ChippingIn's response .

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ChippingIn · 18/10/2010 22:58

GG - I'm like you - flappy mouthed a bit too honest and upfront, but it doesn't always pay - you try to do the decent thing, but get kicked in the teeth for it :(

HSMM - she's only given GG notice because GG had the decency to give her some advance warning - I still think it's shit.

GG - ask your new CM first, it would be the best option if she's willing (available).

If not, using the old CM for one day and the other CM for another day would be an 'OK' option for the few weeks inbetween.

Original poster

Greedygirl · 19/10/2010 04:53

Up at 4.30 - can't sleep!

Thanks ChippingIn - your flappymouth-- honesty has made me feel a bit better! I will speak to my new CM today and see what she thinks.

I really believe that going to a good CM is the next best thing to being at home or with family but I really have been through the mill one way and another with CMs! My first choice got pregnant (how very dare she!), my first proper CM became ill and had to stop, I was warned off the next one and now this. But I am being slightly dramatic , we have been mostly happy for the past two years.

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2kids1dog · 19/10/2010 05:00

GG just had to say that I feel sorry for you - tis a real pity that a bit of honesty landed you in such a tough spot. Your CM should have communicated with you as well as you did with her...good luck.

Original poster

Greedygirl · 19/10/2010 05:22

Thanks 2kids. I think that what I saw as communicating was perhaps interpreted as messing her around. Anyway - completely over-analysing now! What's done is done and hopefully things will work out well with his new CM who is local and lovely.

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Scarfmaker · 19/10/2010 22:14

Just to come back to the childminders point of view.

Up until last Christmas I had been looking after a 2 and a half year old since she was 6 months old.

During that time the parents had chopped and changed hours, days, places where the child went e.g. sending her one day to a nursery,
then in the end every other day to a nursery,
then saying they had child's name down at other nurseries and were waiting etc. etc.

Somehow it made me feel I wasn't good enough as a childminder to look after their child.

After all this I decided to give notice last November and parent was very shocked but I felt like I was on tenterhooks all the time.

Everything has worked out ok now and child is still at two different nurseries but I felt I had to give notice before she did if you see what I mean?

Original poster

Greedygirl · 23/10/2010 21:02

I do Scarfmaker completely and,fwiw, I think you did the right thing, but I am definitely not that type of parent. It sounds as though you were treated very badly and I am sure that every CM has had an experience like this at one point which make you defensive of others.

Having had a while to chew this over I am still naffed off. I understand that my CM may have interpreted me giving advance warning as the prelude to being messed about but I wish that she could have just talked to me and told me about the opportunity that had come up (another child) instead of just cooly dumping us without discussion.

I have sorted out some temp childcare until my new CM gets properly registered. When I let my existing CM know she said that she could still have my DS one day a week and that she would be sad to see him go. I am sure that she is being truthful but at the same time I am now a bit - the whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth. In future I will be keeping my mouth shut and strictly sticking to the terms and conditions of the contract.

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vInTaGeVioLeT · 26/10/2010 01:09

wow - i think tbh you should've kept quiet with the infomation till you actually needed to tell her!

i had a friend/client do the same to me, after 2 yrs she changed from using me to using a newly registered friend - the new childminder let them down time and again - lucky for them i still had spaces and eventually took them back at short notice as a temporary measure before i found her another c/m. I wouldn't recommend using a friend as your main childminder.
If i was mean and smug i'd have said "i told you so" but i'm not and therefore still have her kids in last minute situations shines halo

Original poster

Greedygirl · 27/10/2010 18:25

Lol, I can see the glow from here . Yes, as much as I would love to completely blame my CM I do accept that I should have kept quiet. Still, my mum always said that I liked to learn the hard way!

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ChildrenAtHeart · 28/10/2010 22:41

For what its worth Greedygirl, I wish more of my parents were as considerate as you. I had a situation this summer where I had 2 pt children leaving to start school or relocating so I know I have vacancies from Sept but they were bitty & I had to turn away all the enquiries that often come up in July for after the holidays. Mid August 1 parent told me their child was dropping a day to start nursery and another that she was going back to work after her maternity leave for the hours planned, so dropping one day for her dd & new baby. Then on 1st Sept another parent told me she was dropping a day from the next week as dd was going to pre-sch. As a result my income more than halved compared to July. Had those parents thought to warn me of their plans I could have put the people who made enquiries on a waiting list or even booked them in for Sept. I would not have been like your CM however and booked them in for before the end date of my existing clients, and in your situation I would have been v.peed off with her

Original poster

Greedygirl · 28/10/2010 23:17

Thanks ChildrenAtHeart, if you are in the North perhaps we can come to some kind of arrangement!

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Original poster

Greedygirl · 29/10/2010 10:34

P.S. ChildrenAtHeart - surely one week's notice is not long enough?! I know in my contract I would have to give my CM a month's worth of payment in lieu of notice.

Ah, the whole relationship is fraught with potential problems! So much of it is reliant on the goodwill and good manners of each party. It is clear to me from this thread that CMs often get a raw deal. I also feel as a parent that I am sometimes stuck between a rock and a hard place - there are very few CMs in this area!

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MyBoo · 31/10/2010 22:37

GG. I can understand why you can't sleep with the worry and upset that your inconsiderate CM has caused you. I was in a similar situation but I was thinking about sending my DS to a nursery and lukily the nursery could take him straight away. I think she has been totally unprofessional and longer term when things have settled for you I am sure you will look back and realise you have done the right thing and made the right decision. Have you thought of a day nursery my DS loves it and has developed so much more going there than he ever did at the CM. I hope you get everything sorted.

ChildrenAtHeart · 01/11/2010 09:34

Hi GG - I wish I did live up north (I'm from Nottm originally) but sadly I'm on the south coast so a bit far for you to travel for drop-offs lol.

I have a 2-week notice period in my contracts so the parent had to pay me for the 2 Mondays as well as the pre-school. She could have sent lo to me for the 2 weeks but she wanted her to start at the beginning of term with the others.

I think CM's do often get a raw deal - there is a general lack of understanding about what the profession entails and how little we actually earn after expenses but I also think that many don't do themselves any favours, coming across as inflexible & unprofessional as they do.

I hope you manage to find a positive more permanent solution soon.

Original poster

Greedygirl · 01/11/2010 22:35

Thanks Myboo. It is awful isn't it?! I think I have just been unlucky. I have considered a day nursery but the one I would seriously consider doesn't have any places available. If I ever have another baby I will put their name down upon conception so I at least have some options later on! I am glad that everything worked out for you and your DS.

That's a shame ChildrenAtHeart! Yes, I am trying to reduce the amount of time he spends in the car so perhaps the south coast is a bit far lol.

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