Getting an au pair

[henryhsmum]

Hi

I am thinking of getting an au pair for my 4 year old. Basically, I am sort of a stay at home mum but I am about to set up a cattery from home and I need someone to watch over my son first thing in the morning as the cattery means early starts for me! The cattery also requires soemone to be on the premises at all times so I would be wanting the au pair to basically house sit so we could go out as a family sometimes. I wouldn't expect them to actually do anything in the cattery though. I think what I would be asking the au pair to do is pretty easy really as most of it is just a case of keeping an eye on my son although I would always be there as well and house sitting. It doesn't really bother me if they do housework etc or not and I would still cook most of the meals/do cleaning etc.

The main downsides for the au pair would be we live in a village in Shropshire and most seem to prefer cities (we do have a regular bus service and I'm willing to provide a car), my son is autistic and I would expect thme to be available during the day for one day of most weekends.

I'd be grateful if anyone could share their experiences of an au pair and if it might be suitable in our situation?? What is the best way to find one and how much do you normally pay them?

Sounds like it might be an ideal position for an au pair providing they would be able to get away from the house themselves during the week to attend English classes.

Opinions vary on here about the best way to find one. Some people swear by DIY online web sites where you advertise yourself and wait for responses, or you contact au pairs who are advertising themselves. The two big downsides of using this approach is that you are by yourself when it comes to contacting people in a foreign language wrt to checking references, getting police checks etc and that you leave yourself open to unscrupulous people finding out personal information about your family/home/times you leave for work etc.

The other way is to go through an agency. A good agency will have interviewed to find good candidates, rejected those who are unsuitable, properly checked references and other background information and will coordinate phone interviews, travel arrangements etc. They are also there to help throughout the placement to answer questions, provide advice, introduce the au pair to a wider network of friends etc. I used to DIY but have found that agencies do far more than I would ever be able to and are worth the money.

So for me going through an agency wins hands down - though not all agencies are equal.

In terms of payment. A weekly pocket money of £65 or £70 a week is the norm for 25 hours. You should also provide them with a bus pass or car/fuel to allow them to attend English and meet friends etc.

Thanks, thats really helpful.

What agencies have you used?

Do you think expecting them to work one day of a weekend is a problem?

Just back from scraping spuds and carrots.!

I've used a few agencies over the last 10 years or so. One of them - London Au Pair agency run by a lady called Maggie wouldn't probably deal with you in Shropshire as she focuses on London based families.

Over the last few years I've used 1st Choice Au Pairs as they have been great at finding some very good candidates for us. They have more older girls than most - drivers aged 21 or over which is important for us. I also like to watch the video clips of each candidate to help make up my mind about them.

There should be no problem with them working one day at the weekend providing they have another day off to make up for it during the week. You may want to consider paying £5 or £10 more to compensate - especially if this is a weekly thing, as they may miss out on social activities with other au pair friends i.e. missing out on shopping trips, weekend trips and it may mean they can't go out late on a friday night if they are working early the following morning.

How did you find it has worked from the point of view of still maintaining some privacy as a family? We do have a conservatory and a lounge so I'm wondering if I maybe give them one to use and ask them not to use it after a certain time or would that be unreasonable?

It did have an impact on us when we first started to share our home. You need to accept that especially in the first month or so you will need to allocate some of your own time over to helping the au pair settle in and adapt to life where you live.

If you have a separate room downstairs they can use I think it works better. Just like your own kids - when they get to teenage years they are more interested in playing on their X-Box or listeningto to music in their own rooms rather than sitting with you in the living room all evening. It's important you make them feel welcome though o if they need something, that they feel they can come to talk to you. We have never said the living room is off limits after a certain time - haven't needed to, as all of the people we've hosted have been mid 20s and seem to want their own space and free time anyway.

After our recent experiences, we are planning to put something in the invitation letter next year about having time to ourselves in the evening, after the meal which the AP is welcome to join us in. I don't think you can rely on APs to work this out themselves that you need space as a couple - they are very young and can lack a certain 'awareness' of your needs in this regard.

However, if her room is very small this might not be feasible. We wouldn't feel able to say this if our APs accommodation wasn't as spacious as it is. Also, we encourage her to have friends round and don't put any limits on this (not including overnight guests although we have worked out that the benefits of her seeing friends greatly outweigh the cost to us of having a visitor!!). A small room/no friends combo would NOT be fair.

Also we accpet that if we do this evening thing, we will have to make a point of taking her out every few weeks/doing other activities with her. These sorts of things can fall by the wayside with APs given general busyness and I guess it's okay when they're busy too and otherwise happy. But if you start restricting time with the family in some areas, I feel you have to make sure you give them attention elsewhere. But this is just my view.