HELP.. biting and scrathing mindee attacking my other mindees...

[Mummyto2xx]

Please can someone give me some advice...
i have a mindee whos 2 in a couple of weeks and hes taken to biting and scrathcing the face of the other children in my care, and also at local tots groups.

i have spoke to mum with no avail and am now getting to the point were i cant take my eyes of him for a second i.e getting other mindees out of the cart and safely onto the path and i turn round and hes biten the childs finger sat at the side of him big deep bite marks,

his mum seems to think kids are all there same but im sorry there not! just cos another child in my care mayve a little mischeavous (sp) doesnt mean they deserve to have there finger nearly bitten off!!

oh im so stressed out with how to try and deal with this situation.:(

i have told this him that its not nice and have sat him out away from the other children trying to get him to realise its not nice to bite. i cant even nip to the loo in the whole time hes here icase he attacks the other children,

and i have to keep explaining to the child mum who is getting attacked by him oh im sorry hes scrathced her face off today or i so sorry that hes bitten her finger AGAIN...( beter worded that n that thought obviously ha) it sounds like im not watching the children but i really am i just turn my head for 2 secs and hes done it :(
PLEASE any advice on this matter would be much appreaiated thanks

Not much help, but sympathy! I've had a couple of friends' toddlers go through this phase and its so upsetting - I had a mindee's face bitten and my own son's face clawed and he's been pushed over.

You could try ignoring them (as quite possibly doing it for attention) and focussing all your attention on the hurt child - maybe put the biter in the highchair/pushchair for 2 minutes and ignore them... then when you get them out then remind them 'we do gentle touching' (so focus on what you do want) and holding their hand and making them stroke you gently as you do it to reinforce what you mean. Also lots of praise when they do do something nice/gentle.

If you really can't leave him unattended then you'll have to strap him somewhere safe or put him in a playpen etc when you leave him - tell him you're doing it as he doesn't always remember to do gentle touching, document it in a policy and tell mum what you're doing. Not fair to other mindees otherwise!

It is wearing though - I spent the morning with a friend whose toddler pushes and scratches and my DS was in tears 3 times over it all (couldn't understand why he was being hurt) and I feel awful about it all. :( Luckily mindee excaped unscathed, but it makes me wonder if we'll be able to see them in future if it continues. :( :( :(

Mummyto2xx (BEEN THERE - SORRY SO LONG!)

Hi sorry this is happening.

I use to have a mindee who would bite other children, myself and also herself without notice. It was awful especially when I had anoter little one who use to come twice a week. I could not leave them alone I had to be watching all the time.

This was not done at her home but with me. I guess parents did not know what to do about it. It was tough to deal with. I had to apologise to the other childs parents when handing over their daughter with some type of mark. The parents were very understanding.

To cut a long story short, this is what I would suggestion that you do... Let the parents know that you take this very serviously especially when it involves other children in your care getting bitten. How do they suggest that you deal with it?

It was not only biting I was dealing with but also tandrums, kicking, hitting etc. It came to a point that I let the parents know that I will monitor the beahviour and if it continues I will consider terminating the contract. From that I got more support from the parents.

I felt that I was the parents at times and at times I was not enjoying caring for the child (to be honest)

I had to deal with the child in a firm way by taking them away from other to have some time out.

Its one thing when its your child but another when your looking after a child that is NOT yours and you are not getting the support of the parents.

I ahd to be firm with lots of things with this little one. for example keeping the rain cover on when it raining regardless of the loud tandrums etc, keeping the reins on when in the buggy, etc etc etc.

It paid off the biting stopped, behaviour much better, parents more supportive....

Hope that helps. BE CONSISTANT AND BE FIRM IN THE HANDLING OF THIS SITUATION AND IT WILL BE OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

toally agree with last poster.. if parents dont take seriously then talk about terminating contract.. this should make them wake up and take notice..

if not then remember you are running a business.. you are NOT the parent here and you could loose clients(parents and children) over this.. i wouldnt take kindly to my child being bitten and scratched every day.. actually be quite livid tbh..

as a cm i dont do being kicked, bitten or scratched and wouldnt tolerate mindees being attacked either ..be really firm with parents first.. after all if they not on board then you wasting your time and effort with their child and give notice.. good luck..

Mummy2twoxx how are you getting on now, any improvements?

hi mummyto2 hows it all going we have missed u this weekx

totaly agree with mumto bless xxxxxxxxxxx

I would also be very firm - pushing and snatching are the worst things I have with my mindees (well actually, it's my daughter who is the worst (confused)) and she gets a warning straight away, then if she does it again at all during the day she is in time-out for 2 minutes (as she's just turned 2).

You know this child and how well they are at communicating and understanding what you say etc, but I think that it would be reasonable to think that as your mindee is nearly 2 he/she understands what they are doing is wrong. Time out will work wonders, just make sure you are scary-regimented with it, nothing goes unpunished etc