Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

Original poster

All Nannies..Please Help..!

23 replies

SuperNanny20 · 03/10/2010 18:11

I started my new position in August and all was well until the G3 started waking up in the night at least twice..screaming her head off..as I am in the room next door i go and settle her because if MB or DB go in it will just be mayhem..now i dont mind doing this once in a while. But I am seriously becoming exhausted, cant function during the day. Spoke to MB and she always apologises but says thats part of the bargin when you live in..
Last night was really bad i had been out and came home at 2am and she was awake at 5.30am screaming and i havent been back to sleep. Sorry to rant as you can tell i am just very tired, just wondering what you would all do in this situation?

Also when they go to bed at night she screams for 30minutes only if parents have put her to bed..so i always go out around bedtime because i just cant take the drama.

I found this job via agency..not sure if i should ask them for help?

tia x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

nbee84 · 03/10/2010 18:20

I don't really know what you could do? As Mum says, when you live-in you can't avoid it. A 3yo won't understand if you tell her she's got to be quiet because nanny is asleep. I understand why you get up to settle her if it means she settles better for you, but that really is your choice to do that.

It is frustrating when they do things for parents that they wouldn't do for you, but it happens a lot. They know which buttons to push with Mum & Dad!

Keep your fingers crossed that she grows out of it soon and buy some earplugs

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 03/10/2010 18:21

Do you know why she's waking at night?

Would MB let you do sleep training with dc?

I have been live in and my DC did go through a spate of night terrors and screaming in the middle of the night but I just buried myself under my duvet and let mb deal with it.

foxinsocks · 03/10/2010 18:23

what is MB or DB

don't get up and settle her whatever you do, unless you are being paid for 24 hour childcare which I take it, you aren't

I can understand it waking you up but you shouldn't be expected to fix the situation, nor should you get used it as I'm sure the parents will quite happily let you sort it out if it means they stay in bed!

nannyl · 03/10/2010 18:39

MB / DB = mummyboss daddyboss

agree with the others... dont go in and settle the child, you are off duty and while off duty you should not be looking after child.

otherwise parents might just expect it

do the bury head under pillow and learn to sleep through it

NannyBeth · 03/10/2010 19:14

I had a sort of similar issue in my last live in job last yr - their middle child was 2.5 when I started and had a habit of waking between 430 and 6am, though rarely later than 530am!! That was just when his body clock woke him up... Obviously mb and db didn't want to have to get up then, so they would tell him to go play. Cue his screaming in his room cause his train fell over/wouldn't connect to another train/track fell apart/whatever... My room was right next to their 2 eldests (boys shared a room) so I was woken up virtually every morning by his screaming.

My advice is DO NOT GET UP! Go to a chemist and buy some earplugs and get used to wearing them - they didn't keep out the screams in my last job but did dull them somewhat so I could just go back to sleep! Oh, and hope to all hell its over with soon!!

Tell your mb it is NOT "part of the bargain" unless they are paying you for 24hr care, when you aren't working, you are not working. Full stop! Yes, you will be woken by the kids, but THEY AREN'T YOUR KIDS so you should NOT be getting up to her or having to deal with it (other than burying your head under a pillow to block it out)!!

Bink · 03/10/2010 19:18

As a MB ('MumBoss' - foxinsocks), I heartily agree with others, and indeed would be asking you please NOT to go in. It is a heartache, but one bit of the puzzle is her learning that she has to try & settle herself, which she won't learn if someone comes to her.

Are you their first nanny? Perhaps she hasn't yet got settled with the idea of someone else being in the house? Or maybe their last nanny used to go in to her?

Original poster

SuperNanny20 · 03/10/2010 19:29

I am the third nanny.

MB doesnt expect me to go in.

She has started doing it since they came back from holiday, when she was sleeping with the parents.

I just feel like giving up, or i need to find somewhere to go at weekends.. sulk!

OP posts:

MoonUnitAlpha · 03/10/2010 19:44

They are right that living in a house with small children means you will sometimes be woken in the night!

I second the suggestion to get ear plugs.

nbee84 · 03/10/2010 20:22

Ear plugs take a bit of getting used to, but once you are used to them they really help (dh is a cronic snorer ).

It probably would help you if you had a friend that you could stay over with on the weekend. A couple of nights proper sleep and you'll feel more human. You're getting a taste of what it's like to be a parent

drinkyourmilk · 03/10/2010 22:17

If you can't get used to the earplugs (they just seem to fall out of my ears) then try a fan on low for white noise (and an extra blanket!).

Katy1368 · 04/10/2010 00:54

When I had a live in Nanny this would never have happened - it was very clear to me that her off duty hours were just that - off duty. I never expected her to settle DD in the night though her room was on another floor so the noise problem was less. I think ear plugs is a good suggestion and just turning over and letting the parents deal with it. At least you have an insight into the sleep deprivation most of us parents go through now though!!

frakkinnakkered · 04/10/2010 08:53

Earplugs are fab, or noise cancelling earphones if you can sleep with them on. Hopefully over time, as long as there's nothing actually wrong, she will acclimatise herself to sleeping through again/resettling.

Don't go in to re-settle her. a) it's not your job and b) it just builds the expectation that someone will go in.

Your agency are unlikely to be any help to be honest.

The only thing I would query is why she's waking? Does she have night terrors? Is she not yet night-trained and her nappy needs changing?

Original poster

SuperNanny20 · 04/10/2010 09:19

She has recently potty trained. This morning she screamed for 30 mins, DB went in and she laughed. When he walked out the room she was shoutin " get me up". She is 3yrs 5months! The parents always go in. Its like when they put her to bed she will scream until they have gone in at least twice.

Now her brother 20 months is following the same pattern. She wakes him up screaming, and he screams too!

I think the parents will be shocked about me not going in because they know I'm a very light sleeper!

OP posts:

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/10/2010 10:58

you have made a rod for your own back and tbh you are not helping and you are also underminding the parents by going in at nights and sorting the girl out

this 3yr needs to be sleep trained and the parents need to do it, either by ignoring/cold turkey or for them to go in - not you!!

ear plugs are good tho often dont drown out mr blondes but he is right beside me and not in the next door room

HowsTheSerenity · 04/10/2010 12:24

Do NOT go in.
Not your job on the weekends. You need to learn to ignore ignore ignore.
Plus, it is not helping the parents at all. Get some earplugs and learn to sleep though it.
If you still cant sleep then sleep at a friends, or if you cant them I recommend the de bortoli cab sav.

nannynick · 04/10/2010 17:35

While you may be a light sleeper, why should you be going in... you should not be going in, you are off duty. Don't go in until your start time!

Your their 3rd nanny, the oldest child is 3yrs 5months. Does that tell you anything? Is there perhaps a problem with them keeping nannies? Have they said why the others have left?

Original poster

SuperNanny20 · 04/10/2010 17:44

One left because she was pregnant, another was getting married and another was studying. I have spoke to them and they say it was never a problem, however hearing from a neighbours nanny - one of them used to sleep on the sofa!

The mum also left a recipe book with some recipes for me to cook? I don't know she is trying to tell me something or I'm looking too deep!

OP posts:

frakkinnakkered · 04/10/2010 18:04

What about asking her outright about the recipe book?

Those seem plausible reasons for a nanny to leave, but the sleeping on the sitar thing sounds crazy!

nannynick · 04/10/2010 18:12

Do you cook meals from scratch (or near scratch)? If not then I would suspect it is a hint. If you already cook things from scratch, then maybe it's just giving you some suggestions as to things the children may eat. There are loads of cook books at my place of work... some of them are mine, many are my bosses. Finding things the children will eat can be tricky - they like something... then go off it a few months later.

Sleeping on sofa is not a good sign.

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 04/10/2010 18:15

Agree with NannyNick - maybe she's just found the book and put it out in case you wanted to flick through it and get some ideas about what to cook.

1 boss left out a book called how to boil an egg - she laughed when I asked about it - she'd found it in the bookcase and had used it herself at the weekend.

Another boss bought me a lovely cookbook for Christmas as I like to cook - however the first words that I spotted was anyone can learn to cook! made both mb and I laugh out loud.

Maybe she's put it out for you to get ideas, maybe it has the recipes for some of the dcs favourite meals, maybe she used it at the weekend or maybe she thinks you should expand your repertoire.

;)

frakkinnakkered · 04/10/2010 18:24

Or even sofa... Interesting choice by the predictive text there!

Original poster

SuperNanny20 · 04/10/2010 18:25

She left certain ones she wants me to try?

I do make things from scratch or as close as possible.

It is 3months probationary period and I just feel like looking for something else. I know its not the best time to look for a job and I am grateful its just I feel I can't give the kids my best of 4hours sleep.

After 3months will there be a review.

Thanks for all your help.

OP posts:

frakkinnakkered · 04/10/2010 18:36

Try them then. She might just be wanting the DC to have new foods she doesn't have time to cook herself at the weekend.

TBH if you're feeling like this after nearly 2 months I would try to pull your review forward (have a half way through probationary period chat) and see if you can work things out for the rest of it.

But also if you don't want to stay look around for a new job, evaluate what you didn't like about this one and be honest about why you're job-hunting again.

Talk to your agency about both the above points though. MB might have mentioned something too and if you're both unhappy the dooner it ends the better really.

Flip