WWYD?

[silverfrog]

we recently had a new nanny start (live in)

contracted hours are 8am to 7.30pm, but I (and sometimes dh) are around at beginning and end of day too, so we all do whatever is necessary.

I am currently a sahm, but will shortly be studying again, full time.

nanny is fab, on the whole, and getting on well with dd1 (ASD), and reasonably well with dd2 9who is having a terrible time of it at the moment, so not at her best).

yesterday, nanny asked me if, other than the days she is babysitting, she could finish early, as the train connections form here are not great, and if she wants to go out and see friends (mostly from around her last position, I guess) it makes it difficult for her.

I am a bit , tbh.

it was only a week ago she happily signed the contract. she knew where we lived when she agreed to the job.

otoh, we do want her to be happy, and feeling hemmed in and having no social life is not fun (I know, have had this for years, and is one of the main reasons we now have a live in nanny - continuity of care for dd1 when we want to go out, etc)

so, wwyd?

I wouldn't rush back from work/uni to let her leave early because as you said a 7:30pm finish is her contracted finish time. However, if you/DH are around at the end of the day anyway, then you may as well let her go a bit earlier if it makes her life easier. Is there a reason that you need her around if you/DH are there?

end of the day tends to be more me, dh gets in around 7.20ish.

dds bedtime is (has been, but now nanny seems to be moving it earlier a bit) 7.30 - so that dh can come in, and say goodnight at least.

for various reasons (ASD foremost), dds roam a little upstairs after bedtime. if they go to bed earlier, and then dh comes in, they naturally want to talk to him.

one of the reasons for having a nanny was to take the heat out of bedtimes - I will be frazzled after a day at uni, plus I will still be doing some school runs (school runs clash - important reason number 2 for having a nanny. dd1's school is in opposite direction from dd2's). so early evening is a time I will need to use to study, as afternoon slot is used for school run.

butyes, on the whole, there will be days where it is fine for her to go early. I have no issue with this at all.

I don't like formally ok-ing it, though. we thought through the hours carefully, and 7.30 is what suits us. if we ok it now, there is every chance that plans start to be made, etc, and this is what I am wary of.

I see what you mean. I'd probably just explain it to her like you did there. It sounds perfectly reasonable to me. If you're back in time and not busy, then by all means, she can go early. However you cannot agree to it in advance/as a general thing because you cannot predict when you will be busy/not busy etc.

I take it she doesn't work weekends? So she's able to go out Saturday and Sunday with no problem? I would try (if possible) to let her know in advance if you will be back early, e.g. 'My late lecture has been cancelled for next tues so i'll be back in time to put the girls to bed, you'll be able to get away early' and then she has a bit of time to make a plan with her friends.

That would make you a good employer, you're abs within your rights to make her work until 7:30pm every night as it is what she agreed to in her contract.

I'd pick one day a week, formally move her hours on that day back to say 6 pm and adjust salary accordingly - would have thought you and dh could manage that with probably less stress than ad hoc arrangements? Then make it clear that other days the hours are till 7:30. Surely full time study doesn't need every evening working?

If she is otherwise good, I would try to accomodate her needs here - it is hard living in (has she done it before?). I would think about how many nights I would be prepared to deal with an earlier finish (probably 2 for me personally) then sort out which nights suit you best and see if that/those nights would make a difference to her. Explain why you need her later (again) as to her she may feel superflous to requirements and feel like she might as well be out with her friends (IMO it's a little soon to feel like this, but it's a possibility). Offer her 'hours in exchange' or 'a drop in wages' whichever suits you best, if you are flexible then offer her the choice. You can always do it as a trial and see how you feel - but retain the 'right' to go back to contracted hours if it's not working for you. You both have to be happy for a live-in nanny position to work.

I wouldn't formally okay it, but aim to have 1 night a week that you can tell her in advance she can go early so she can make plans.

Just lay it out as you have here, say you'd love to be flexible but it's 7.30 for a reason, you'll do your best to accommodate and let her know in advance but it can't be a regular thing.

Does she drive? Do you have a car she can use in the evening which removes the train issue?

ditto frakk