Nanny's review

[BinkyB]

I've never employed a nanny before but we've had 6 great months of 2 days per week with our nanny and she has asked for an appraisal.

I'd love some advice from mums and nannies please on the best approach to this and any things we should cover. Do you prefer to have things in writing, e.g. using a standard appraisal form, or keep it all more informal? She said she doesn't mind but that doesn't help me really!

Basically I am very happy with her work, occasionally she has pushed things a bit like taking extra holiday or being late but we've resolved as we go, and I've really never been that bothered as my main priority is that my boys love her - and they do.

I know she is hoping for a pay increase but we can't help here currently as my company has a pay freeze on and redundancies. However I would like to offer her a cash bonus of some sort just to reassure her that we are happy with her, just can't commit to a longer term pay rise just yet. I hope that won't be seen as a token gesture / cause more harm than good.. do you think it could?

Finally my DH feels quite funny about the idea of nannies plus kids we don't know coming to the house for playdates and wants to ask her to keep this to a minimum / just to people we've been introduced to. Is that fair..?

Thank you!

Hiya

Ive never had a written appraisal, just a verbal one, but perhaps ask her if she'd prefer to have points written down.

For me (and I cant speak for everyone), I would understand your reasons for not being able to offer a pay rise - I had the same situation in a previous job - and would be very grateful and appreciative of a cash bonus in these circumstances.

With regards to playdates, there is a thread on here discussing this same thing. My opinion is (and again, its only my opinion) that if you trust your nanny to look after you children, you need to trust your judgement that she will choose suitable friends for herself and the children. When are you going to meet them? Most nannies don't work weekends, and I assume you wouldnt be planning to take time off work to meet them? I totally understand that you don't want a house full of other peoples children every morning and afternoon, but nannying can be quite lonely if you dont have company, and having the odd nanny to stop by with her charges, so the children can play together is one of the things that makes our day really enjoyable. I honestly think I would go round the bend if my employers had asked to pre-screen my friends and their charges first. When i started my current position 8 months ago, I knew no-one in the area. Now i have a nice circle of 5 or 6 nannies who i see regularly. In that time, there has never once been a situation that has arisen where my employers were able to meet these nannies (ie working from home, going in late) etc, but they trust me and in turn i make sure i provide them with any information they might need like names, contact numbers etc. I often see my employers friends out and about so they would be able to report to my bosses that I dont associate with axe murderers!

Obviously it's up to you to make your own decisions, and it may be that she is having far more people over than your average nanny, guests eating you out of house and home, etc but I have to say it wouldnt be something I (nor many nannies I know) would enjoy. Best of luck either way!

I've also employed a nanny for the first time this year, so can't comment from experience but...

I think a cash bonus would be appreciated, especially if you explain the situation re a rise.

I would also go for a more informal approach on the appraisal (esp if it's done when the children are around and things are always a bit broken up), but do ask her if she'd like a few points written down as a summary afterwards.

On having children round to your house: I think your DH is being a bit unreasonable on this one. The way I think about it is that if I was at home we'd become friends with other children and have them round for lunch/to play. However, I am at work but have chosen home based childcare for my girls. Part of that childcare choice was that I would like my girls life to be the same as it would be if I was at home as much as possible. Which includes having friends round. Practically speaking it's not possible for me to meet them and their nannies in advance.

My nanny has a circle of friends and my DD1 has made good friends with two of the girls the other nannies look after. I think it would be very bad of me to expect that they can only see each other at a playgroup/whatever (plus that would start to get expensive!) or at the other child's house. To me, it is a positive thing that my girls spend time with other children and do all the things they should be doing together (seeing others eat - new foods, look Isla can use a fork can I have one?, learning to share your own toys rather than just playgroup toys, seeing other children using a potty, going to preschool etc).

Perhaps ask him why he's worried about it - is it do with whether they are "suitable children" (surely if your nanny is "suitable" her friends and their charges are likely be too? if your DSs were at nursery you wouldn't be able to control this?) or is it to do with the mess in your house (my nanny ties up at the end of each day so it doesn't affect me if they have people over).

If she has only been with you 6mths then I wouldn't offer a bonus or raise.

Normally it's after a year

Banning friends will make the day go very slow and nanny likely to leave

if you trust her to look after your children then trust her opinion of who to have round

so sit down and say you are happy , then mention anything that bugs you , then finish off saying you hope she is happy and have another review in 6mths - thus making her aware you are happy and that her job is secure (in as much as you done get made redundant etc)

I agree that you ahve to let the nanny socialise and that you should trust her judgement about who she sees and lets come to your house. I can't imgaine a nanny I would trust with my DCs who I wouldn't trust to vet someone coming to our home.

What I WOULD want to understand though is whether the socialising is with someone SHE particularly gets on with, but the children are indifferent to. IE if she's regularly seeing a friend whose kids are not the right ages for yours or your kids don't know or get on with, that sort of thing and it means that they're not having time for playdates with THEIR OWN FRIENDS it's entirely reasonable to put a stop to/limit that.

Thanks for the help! I personally don't have a problem with the playdates, even if they are different ages I know my 2 like to see older kids and respond well to their example (e.g. copying drinking from an open cup), and they are sociable creatures. I do playdates and playgroups with them myself most days for that reason. But that's a good point Harriet, I will bring that up as I think it could become more important as they get older.

DH is just paranoid, I think he thinks they are going to be reading all his boring old work documents on the desk and pocketing all my milkman money... Ah well, think this is actually a conversation I need to have with DH and not just with nanny, eh. Joy, more marital admin!!

My thoughts on that one are that nannies are more often likely to be CRB checked than the friendly mum a parent might meet at the school gate! Then again as we know a CRB can be meaningless as it only lists convictions... they could be skilled milk-money theives and yet to be caught!

She has asked for an appraisal rather than it being time for an appraisal... so that would indicate to me that she is either after something or feels that she isn't getting enough feedback.

An agenda is useful, so that you have specific points to discuss.

You say that there have been some things that have not been so great... do repeat any concerns you had - maybe along the lines of saying something like "since we had the chat following your late arrival for work, your time keeping has been much better. Do you feel the you have been able to resolve any issues with your travel to work?" Something like that... probably you can phrase it much better than me.

While she can talk all she likes about a pay rise... it's a bit early to be thinking about that. A christmas bonus may be on the cards but that's for you to decide nearer the time.

I have different views regarding playdates than other people I expect... as I don't really do playdates. We meet up regularly with other carers and their children, out and about, rather than at each other's place of work. So if you don't want other people coming to your home... I feel that's fair enough. It's your house. They could meet elsewhere, couldn't they?

Given your nanny is only working 2 days a week and that you are doing playdates and playgroups the other days... maybe there is something more specific you want your nanny to be doing. For example, taking your children swimming. Taking your children on visits to historic houses & gardens. Is your nanny reactive to your children's interests and finding things for them to enhance their knowledge of that interest? Nearly 3 year old I care for loves Trains and Dinosaurs at the moment... so we quite often travel on trains. We have also been to various places with dinosaurs.

I think it's fairly common to have an appraisal shortly (3 months or so) after starting a new job and then yearly after that. If you haven't had one yet then it would be a good idea to have one now.

In my current job we have an appraisal yearly. We sit down together of an evening after the children have gone to bed. I jot down things I'd like to raise and they do the same. We the talk through them and MB keeps 'minutes', which she then types up and everyone gets a copy, which I keep with my original contract. We've never needed to refer back to them, but it's probably a good idea to have a record just in case. I would def do it when the children are not around and you can concentrate on what you're saying to each other.

We cover general issues, pay, holiday etc. We also use it to have a more lengthy discussion about the children's development, what they have achieved in the previous year and what my plans are for the longer term e.g I think it would be good idea for DC3 to start a pre-school in Jan or I think it's time to start potty training with DC4 etc. We do discuss this on a daily basis, but use the appraisal time to review the year and then make longer-term plans.

The playdate thing is unreasonable and I would think will not go down too well with the nanny. It's very awkward if you are in a circle of nanny friends who all do playdates with each other and you cannot return the favour and have them back to your HQ. As nannynick says as it's only two days you could get away with it; if she was full-time it would be a big no-no IMO.

I've alwasy done them after a month/6 weeks and then annually unless there's something i want to bring up specifically.

I don't think you need to worry about a pay rise yet - its too soon.

I'd just keep it fairly informal and start with all the positives!

I've posted on the other thread about playdate and i would NEVER allow my nanny to have people i don't know into my house, I wouldn't want her to go to anyones house either with the children.
Maybe its different with a full time nanny who you ask to arrange play dates for you but if you ask for it not to happen, its your perogative.

Sorry to be dense but I can't find the other thread about playdates and it sounds useful.. If anyone can help / be bothered to share a link with me I'd be forever grateful!

This has all been so useful, thank you all :)

It's something like 'how attractive would this be to a nanny?' - OP initially didn't want her child socialising with families she hadn't met/vetted.

How attractive could this be to a nanny

Thanks for that! :)

Blondes ? I take your point about nanny visits, and agreed with you on the other thread, but do you think perhaps the situation is a little different here if the nanny is only two days a week? E.g. my nanny looks after my girls one full day, plus two after-daycare sessions a week. The reason I like them at home, is they spend 4 days in a nursery, constantly with other infants, sharing etc, and I felt they needed to have a day at home, in a relaxed environment, playing with their own toys, without having to share (except with each other!) and having some more focused adult attention than is possible in a nursery setting. Thus while for me a good nursery is my preferred form of day care, (not entering in to ups and downs of nurseries vs nannies debate here ? very much a personal choice) I think they need the balance, and downtime. Therefore I don?t really want playdates etc on this day, and have made that clear ? as our nanny is only with us for 15 hours a week, I don?t find that unreasonable, and for two days a week as per the OP I probably wouldn?t either.

I personally think that's fine. When I think it's tough for the nanny - and unsustainable - is when you are talking about a full time role. For forty odd hours a week I don't think parents can expect to vet everyone the nanny has tea with.

sonic, yes if one day and 2 half days then nice to spend some time at home doing arts/cratfs/cokking/walk to feed ducks etc but on the one day at home spending 18/10hrs in all day would personally drive me insane (and my mb says the same)

so maybe compromise and say for the full day, stay in , in the morning then have lunch and yes can see friends/go out to park etc in afternoon and then have the 2 half days in at home

i do an ad hoc job every 3/4weeks and yes i spend all day in painting/drawing/cooking with the twins i look after (as thats what the mum wants) but have to say at the end of the day im glad to go home and thats 1 day a month or so lol

but in the end it is up to YOU the employer to decide what you want for your child, but if i was micro managed told i was never allowed out/or given set times to go out every working day then it is not the job for me - but thats not to say there are not nannys about who are happy to do this

Indeed Blondes - my take on that is that if I need to micromanage the nanny, than she's the wrong person!

Btw, I'd never tell the nanny she can't go out with the girls - the usual pattern seems to be she takes them to the library in the morning, timing it for baby hour, so the youngest goes and sings nursery ryhmes in a circle with other little ones, while she reads to the eldest, then they come home and play etc,lunch and naps then either go to the park, or into town in the afternoon, which seems great to me.

She also takes them on little excursions (usually by train if dd1 has any say in it - she's somewhat obsessed) e.g. to the beach, for a bushwalk, museums etc, which I'm also more than happy with - my concern is that with ~35-40 hours a week in daycare, I just feel they need a bit of a break from other small people, and some more focussed adult attention, hence my lack of keenness for playdates.