Childcare- what to do..?

[wiltslulu]

I need some advice..?

I am starting a new full-time job in 3 weeks. I have been working but only part-time so childcare was never an issue. My Mum is happy to come over to help for the afternoons but it is 40 miles for her so a big committment to make to do that round trip every day.

I can get childcare vouchers in teh company I will be joining but not sure if my Mum could be paid anything towards her petrol with them?

Even if she is able to do this for a while I don't think long term it is fair - so does anyone have any suggestions..?

I have two kids but the oldest one is adamant she is not wanting to go to any child-minders after school (sorry CMers!!).

I have thought about an au pair but dread thinking about inviting someone to come and live with me in my home. Is there any other single Mums who have au pairs and if so how has the relationship worked..?

Childcare vouchers can only be used towards registered childcare, so you would not be able to pass them on to mum.

You say your eldest refuses to go to a childminder. Why not book a few appointments and take her with you to see some, telling her you will take her views into account. I have had similar issues where older children have said they wouldn't be seen dead at a childminders, but when they see their younger siblings having fun and some of the fun activities I do for after schoolies and older children, I am usually busier during the school holidays now as they all want to come to me at some point.

think be too much for your mum long term.. thinking of winter coming as well thats a long trip daily..

how old are your children? what do other parents do in the area? is there after school clubs that you havnt explored yet? would friends with kids your age help out for cash!! you can only use vouchers for registered child care providers though..

My eldest daughter is 7 but having a really tough time. In summary I've split up with my husband and moved 45 minutes away to a new house. Selfish maybe but it's my old university city where I used to live for many years before I got married, and I've chosen to go back there.

Should have moved in the summer but due to complications with our new house, I delayed relocating straight away and the school move will happen after half-term. Daughter is currently in her old school and goes to lots of after school activities etc. She wants to continue with these when we move (ballet, piano, trampolining etc).

Since Wednesday have spoken to Mum and decided that it is not fair for her to have to commute over to help in the afternoons, so we think that an au pair is the only viable solution.

I was against it initially in part because I was feeling resentful - I will be seeing less of the kids (having to go back to work), whereas I'll be sharing my home with someone who will be doing things I want to do. I've talked to my kids though and we think if we can find someone sympathetic and warm hearted to be with the children, then it will be regarded as a fun thing and they can look forward to a new chapter in life.

I really want to get it right though so can anyone give me advice about really getting it right and being able to choose the right person..? If you pay more money each week do you attract a better quality of candidate or doesn't it work like that?

I have a little over two weeks to get someone in so help..!

Oh my son is coming up to 4 btw..

What hours do you need?

What is your person spec. for an au pair? Do they need to drive? Have relevant experience for your children's ages? Have a good enough level of english to help with homework?

You won't be able to use childcare vouchers for them either unless you register them with OFSTED, which is a lengthy process. They would need to first meet all the requirements (paeds 1st aid, common core qualification, nanny insurance), then fill in and submit the forms to OFSTED and wait for a CRB, which for foreign nationals can take a long time.

More money doesn't equal better, instead it can be more hassle for you if you go over the threshold for NI or tax.

Could you get an after-school nanny? Maybe one with their own child to bring the cost down? That way you wouldn't have to share your home, they might be OFSTED registerd already and when you factor in the cost of having someone live with you for the hours you need (depending on what they are) it might be cheaper.

sounds to me you need an after school nanny - many of which are mums theirselves and would want to bring their own baby/toddler with them

what would happen during holidays-would you need fulltime childcare or do you have other ideas then?

I think an after school nanny would work well,esp as your children will be in their own home ( if you daughter wont / doesnt want to go to the childcarers house)

also then you wouldnt have to have somebody live in ....

but it will be more expensive than an au pair of course

try looking / advertising on nannyjob,gumtree,netmums etc

If you dont mind someone bringing along their own child as mentioned,you may get more interest in the position

Good luck

My advice is don't rush even though you say you've only got 2 weeks, especially as the kids are going through a lot of change already.

Look at the options that Blondes and Rach109 and others have suggested..

If you do go for an au pair..

If you are looking at au pair candidates yourself without an agency then go with what frak says and make sure you compile a spec for the person you are looking for. Make a list of mandatory characteristics and a second list of those that are desirable too. If you rule out people who aren't listed as drivers or who are listed as smoking then you will quickly get down to very few, so maybe have things like smoking as a desirable rather than mandatory as most girls we've had who've smoked keep it well away from our house anyway.

If you are going to use an agency then give them as much information about the job, where you live, about your children and anything else that will help them to do the same so they can find a good short-list of candidates.

There are lots of au pairs out there so even 2 weeks is achievable.

Remember that most of the good candidates are going to be in their own country, so if you have a limited time to begin someone, many of them won't be able to afford air fares to come in a hurry. You may have to relax your 2 week target or offer to pay towards the flights if they are very expensive.

The problem with the after school only nanny option is the school holidays and illness. If they have other obligations they can't come to you and you are sorting out separate childcare for a few hours until they arrive. This is a pain - as I know from experience. Maybe your mum could do the cover but not all the time?

Your children are ages where an AP should be okay. I would probably experiment with that option. You can get one via an agency within two to three weeks.

I haven't addressed the cost issue - an AP will be less per week than a nanny in terms of their pay but car insurance will bump up the cost per month and there are other odds and sods. Again from experience, there's not much in it.

I also think it might be nice to have another adult in the house who can cover for you if need be, when you're running late or need to pop out in the evening. A nanny with her own hcild who - quite reasonably - needs to get home to get them down might stress you out. The babysitting means you can socialise too!

You could always give it six months and see how it goes.

Sorry I am finding my way around using Mumsnet and have just found this. I couldn't find this message when I came back last time and then assumed old messages get removed after a few days.

Thanks for all the advice in this message. I'm sorry I didn't reply to you sooner. I am going backwards and forwards taxiing kids to and fro, possessions and trying to swot up on the new job I'll be doing. I do appreciate the advice..

I did consider a nanny but I think they will be too expensive for me. I will also be travelling to different places with my job and will need someone who may have to chop and change a bit at times.

Harriet - what are the typical ranges of car insurance costs? I rang my provider and gave them an example of someone but they said it wasn't just the age but how long they had held a licence for etc. They did say an EU licence should be the same as a British one which will help.
Blondeshavemorefun - in the sumemr they will go to my Mums for a couple of days a week but not for all the time. My Mum and Dad often travel themselves for a few weeks.

Rach109 - thanks for those sites. I looked on them all and contacted people on a number of times. I really had mixed feelings though and soem people could hardly speak a word of English. One person I knew also passed the phone to someone else!!

frakkinackered - need somefrom from 7.30 until they drop off at school (drive) at 8.45 and then from 3.15 until anytime from 5.30 until 7.30 depending where I am working.

Treees - thanks for good advice..

Those are fairly good hours for an au pair. Realistically your working hours are 7.30-9.00 and 3.00-7.30 which is 6 hours max per day and a good chunk of the day free so they can go to an English class or similar.

EU is exactly the same as a British license. Plug some quotes into comparison websites to see what you come up with. Most au pairs have held their license for 1-3 years.

In the future if you click on 'I'm on' (next to active conversations in the toolbar just above the thread title) it'll take you to any thread you've posted on!

You could always put an ad up for a nanny and see what responses you get. Most nannies are prepared to be flexible, although the late finish might be problematic for someone with their own child...