The guilt of using a childminder

[PippaStat]

I have been working four days, school hours for the last 2 years, which everyone around me seems very envious of. I am a researcher and need to change my hours occasionally or work outside school hours and have found it increasingly difficult to cope with the ad-hoc need for childcare. It has come to a head at work and my boss has suggested I do my 18.5 hours in 2 full days and mop up the rest by doing one school hour day per month. Seems perfect!

However, I feel guilty about leaving my children with someone else. The reason I worked school hours originally was so that they wouldn't notice I wasn't there, that I could help them with homework, feed them and make sure they got to any clubs.

Can someone assure me my children won't blame me later and that the childminder will actually add a different dimension to things. The only other alternative I can see is to give up work completely and try and do some consultancy work. Trouble is, you live to your means!

Someone else out there must have gone through the same dilemas as me. Can someone let me know how they coped with it?!

no they won't blame you .. it will be normal for them

yes they will get an additional dimension and one more person to love them

get a grip lady .. childminders are fab

I went back to work full time when DS was 6 months and he went to a childminder from 8.30 to 6.30 every day

I gave up work ten months later and still sent him there one day a week (which was hard financially but very worthwhile for both of us)

Thanks for that. One of them is 7 and one 9. I do worry about the homework thing. Will the childminder supervise homework as well as feeding them if necessary? I think one of my problems is I don't know anyone with a minder. Can I specify these things?

You need to talk to different minders and get a feel for them

We all have different methods/timetables etc

I do Homework and cooked evening meal.

I have had children who have had a packed tea at C/Mers

I hope my mindees don't resent being with me

Whatever mummies do, they feel guilty and get worried!! DON'T You are only talking about two days a week? (Besides, us minders need the work!)

It's so hard being a mum! I work 3 days per week and my DD is cared for by her nan's (my mum 2 days per week and my mother-in-law 1 day per week). She's spoiled rotten, loves her time with them and is a very happy little girl but still I feel guilty and (if I'm honest) a bit jealous!

I need to work to maintain our modest lifestyle and (if I'm honest) my sanity.

I'm registering to be a childminder at the moment, just so I can work and be with my DD.

Whatever you do, I'm sure your kids will be fine. We worry much more than they do!

But Truly.....that won't stop your guilt when your DC say "Mum you started minding to spend more time with us but you spend more time looking after so and so or doing such and such!"

I hope I haven't offended any childminders out there! What would we do without you! Thanks for all your comments. I have tried to get my parents to agree to one day a week (they live just round the corner) but they don't want to be committed (shame as this would have been ideal). I think I will give now try and find a minder and see how it goes. You have put my mind at rest. Thanks.

I wish I had my parents near me to help look after my 5 yr old, they live an hour away and my parents in law are not around (they were elderly, my DH is the youngest of 3 girls)) so thats why I work as a childminder.

I am NVQ Level 3 Early years qualified so one day when my youngest is old enough to go to high school and his big brother or sister can look after him, I may go back out to work.

Don't feel guilty about leaving your LO's with childminders, most of us meet up and go to parks, tots groups etc so there are plenty of children the same age to play with. My son loved it when he went to my childminder friend as he had someone to play with, I just could not afford to pay her out of my wages and we were not eligible for working families tax credit.

PippaS I work from home and technically my dc's don't really need to go to a childminder, because I only do 16 hours a week. However once a week they do, so that I can then in the holidays use her more without her being offended. And also because it gives me more time to clean the house or more usually, arse around on Mumsnet.

They absolutely love going there. Yesterday when I said "you're going to

I've used fabulous childminders since my daughters were babies. My six year old adores her after school childminder.

As a childminder I hope that the children that come here enjoy themselves and don't resent their parents for 'sending' them here.

We have fun! We do all sorts of things (bake/cook, paint, draw, play-doh, make dens, go to the park, play in the garden, read books (me to them and them to me)) and if they want me to (and their parents don't mind) we do their homework.

They are also given a healthy snack/evening meal (depending on how late they are with me).