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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Childminder/parent relationships, some advice please?

7 replies

fizzfagins · 23/09/2010 22:44

I'm a childminder caring for a 2.5 year old little boy. My working relationship with him is absolutely fine he has been with me for about a year and is happy and settled in my home. My youngest DD has only just started school and mindee is so excited when she comes home to play with him. We attend playgroups etc when he is with me (part-time hours because of Dad's shift patterns) eg 2 days one week & 4 days the next. His Dad is really nice and approachable, always speaks to my own DH and DC when he collects.
The problem is mindees mother, she is very defensive and closed to suggestions eg tonight I struggled to get child's shoes on and suggested he might be having a growth spurt (the 'doodles' shoes were wet & dirty with holes in the toes anyway) but she insisted they were ok sizewise. Also his coat has a broken zip so only the velcro flaps fasten (when he has a coat with him!) I feel I daren't mention that. His buggy is quite grubby & no raincover, doesn't really need it because they only live around the corner but mum always brings him in it!
Mum is a college teacher and is obviously used to being a 'boss'. The irony is we have to show Ofsted we're 'working in partnership with parents' dear EYFS when I praise his progress she ignores me and gushes "clever darling", if I mention something like the above she closes up and makes me feel I'm being negative. Dad is always punctual collecting, Mum turns up on time and then wastes (my) time negotiating to get him in the buggy for anything up to another 10 mins.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
HSMM · 24/09/2010 09:24

I think some parents are just very defensive about anything they see as crticism of their child, or their parenting abilities (I am and I'm a CM too). I'd probably just be grateful for the Dad :). Sorry, that's not much help, but I think all you can do is continue the positive feedback, while offering your suggestions and advice.

maggi · 24/09/2010 11:59

Try writing the 'negative' items in the daily diary. Parent will be free to view and come to a decission (can't spell it for the life of me) in her own space. Maybe she is a visual learner and needs to see things in print? It could work. Also you will have covered yourself with Ofsted.

My lady who is quite defensive over my suggestion that her daughter was permenantly constipated, gradually came round to the idea after weeks of me recording details such as '2 hard pea sized droppings today'. (sorry for the image)

frakkinnakkered · 24/09/2010 15:26

I think writing observations like that in the daily diary is a good idea. It's evidence for OFSTED and she'll read it later so won't get defensive at you.

As a nanny I'd write things like shoes being difficult to get on or coat zip being broken in the diary. It's much nicer not to give parents a lust if things they need to sort, just focus on the good bits and anything important like signing the accident book.

Tori27 · 28/09/2010 21:02

Perhaps money is tight and mum can't afford a new coat or shoes? - I sort that out for my DD so DH wouldn't have a clue or worry if we could afford them.

I felt very defensive when my CM told me my DD was not sharing well at all - she's always been known among my friends and their kids for being shockingly good at sharing so I was really upset that she was behaving so differently for my CM.

Try to give the mum some positive news, then the negative bit, and then the positive bit, so she goes away with a happy feeling. She's employed you to care for her DS and not criticise her parenting - however well-meaning you intend to be.

thebody · 28/09/2010 22:58

I thnk you have to ignore all eyfs crap and understand that as a cm you are running a business.. i.e you are provising a service and the child/ parent is your customer..

as a parent I didnt and dont welcome critisism of my own children.. even when i knew it was justified.. thats human nature.. now if its from a teacher at school I have no option but to listen.. if it was from a cm or a nursery then i would be pissed off...

so as a cm I deal with negative behaviour 'in house' mindees soon realise what they can get away with me and what they an do at home.. often totally different.. but works for me.. kids love to come and all parents happy...

why would you piss off your paying customers over a coat or a buggy?
your telling phrase was' your working relationdship with a 2 year old'!!he isnt payiong your bills... mum is... so dont piss her off... i honestly understand where you are coming from but remember its not Ofsted who are employing you.. its the parents...
imo.. good business to remember that..,

thebody · 28/09/2010 23:20

oh and i tell parents that I buy wellies for all the children to keep at my house and bill them ... most parents really grateful that its another thing they dont have to worry about... good marketing.. good business...and I never use rain covers.. hate them..

new2cm · 29/09/2010 18:26

This reminds me of a Canadian website I came across some time ago.

www.justthebabysitter.com

Not sure if it's for real though and I don't particular agree with the author of the website but, it's interesting to read different views and experiences.

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