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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Sacking aupair. how much notice?

26 replies

CarlyP · 06/09/2005 10:17

can anyone tell me how much notice i have to give my aupair. shes been here 1mth.

i want her to leave friday as she has a weekend away in germany to see her boyf and i want her to leave then.

can anyone tell me how they have gone about this?

thanks

carly

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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goldenoldie · 06/09/2005 10:36

If you want to be nice - a months notice, if not, well - it is upto you.

If you think she will be spiteful/steal/cause damage/hurt the kids/whatever if you give her notice - then don't, just tell her before she goes on Friday that she is not coming back, and she can collect her stuff on her return.

Make sure you get your door keys/car keys/mobile phone you lent her or whatever.

Why do you want to get rid of her so quickly?

kcemum · 06/09/2005 10:37

Did you specify a "settling in period" or have any form of a contract with her? Not much help I know but just wondered.

dizzydo · 06/09/2005 10:56

Depends what she's done, i.e. stealing or something I think you can do it fairly instantly but if not I think min two weeks is what the agencies say.

Why do you want her to leave so fast

Original poster

CarlyP · 06/09/2005 11:54

She is not at all making any effort with the boys or us. i have spoke to hewr and the agency numerous times. she said she is fune (u wouldnt think it with the stompnig around and boredom thing - even though she goes out most of her days off (fri, sat and sun) in the car and to meet her friends in london) and the atmosphere is awful. she doesnt listen to things i ask her to do and always seems like looking after the boys and hoovering is such a chore.

when she goes on friday i do not want her back. im fed up of the atmosphere and feeling umcomfortable in my own home.

not to mention her eating the boys food (incl dinners i make for them as and when she pleaes even though ive said 'our' food (i.e. adults) is in the fridge etc. i cant keep up with looknig after my 2 children and her. even though she is 24 with 18mths aupair exp in germany before its like having a stroppy teenage daughter in the house.

she leaves the stair gates open and knives from cutting bread within easy reach and doesnt lock the garden gate (leads onto a ami road) and if ear one day my ickle toddler will escape onto a busy main road.

we have a nanny who can start nxt wk and i want her out now.

p.s. thanks for your responses xx

OP posts:

majorstress · 06/09/2005 12:17

If you are brave, tell her straight out that you don't want her back and she needs to take all her belongings. You aren't under any obligation after only one month IMO, she's been on probation and failed.

If you are a coward like me, tell her your mother/grandmother/other relative/friend from far away is coming to live with you and look after the kids for at least a year at short notice, and you need her room back and don't need her help anymore, thanks anyway.

Mud · 06/09/2005 12:18

tell her now

majorstress · 06/09/2005 12:20

I switched to live-outs after my first AP, with slightly better results happiness-wise (balanced out by financial worries), but wonder if that was more to do with not having to actually live with her, my nanny book says they turn into werewolves after dark.

uwila · 06/09/2005 12:25

Put on some steel toe boots and give her the ol' heev ho on Friday. Actaully, I think that you should give her as much notice as is reasonably required to pack her things and walk out the front door. Perhaps this means notify her on Thursday afternoon. Then, if I were you, I would stay in that house and supervise it until she walks out the front door. And take your keys back as soon as you deliver the notice.

majorstress · 06/09/2005 12:31

yes, the belongings were a problem with ours even though she got a months notice. DH ended up taking OUR precious Sat morning carting her giant box of excess baggage to post office, refused to pay the postage though to his credit. But I never want to see her sly face again so wasn't going to be stuck with any junk to be retrieved.

majorstress · 06/09/2005 12:32

also didn't want her to meet new nanny who was obviously not my mum!

Laylasmum · 06/09/2005 12:35

Personally I think you should pay her what you owe and ask her to leave immeadiately, a disgruntled au pair could be a risk to your family!

Original poster

CarlyP · 06/09/2005 12:42

Spoke to agency and said i should tellh er tonight, which is what ill do when i get in. i have already got thurs off of work so she will have to work tomorrow. do u think this will be ok?

OP posts:

dizzydo · 06/09/2005 12:44

Yep. I think I would tell her Thursday night that you do not want her to return from her trip, so she has time to pack EVERYTHING, pay her up to date then and there and stay in the house until she has gone. Make sure you get phone, keys, etc. back at the same time.

Good luck, how horrible for you.

Ameriscot2005 · 06/09/2005 12:47

I gave a week's notice to the one I sacked (she was negligent towards the children, among other things).

expatinscotland · 06/09/2005 12:52

I agree w/uwila. To the kerb w/her. If you start to falter and feel weak, just think of how you'd feel if your toddler got onto the road unsupervised - that should help strengthen you.

Original poster

CarlyP · 06/09/2005 12:53

what if i told her tonight and she still worked wed and thur. would that be ok do you think or should i just tell her then stay home?

OP posts:

dizzydo · 06/09/2005 12:53

Hi Ameriscot - don't you worry about stealing or repercussions of some kind or another.

majorstress · 06/09/2005 13:01

I think I would get her out now if I could, due to the road safety issue-my problems with mine were her general laziness and nagging of me, not hazards to the kids.

celtic66 · 06/09/2005 13:07

On the whole all our Ap have been great, and I do sympathise with you having recently booted out an Hungarian AP who was awful with the kids, snooped through our personal belongings ect. In the time I was planning to get rid of her she was planning worse. It can have a awful effect on your family and create an atmosphere. I got rid of our AP on the spot had already booked her into a BB and given her someflight times.

I would tell her why you want her to leave ( I felt better for it) you never know she might learn something from the experience. I would tell her the day before so she doesn't have time to seek revenge. Do make sure you get back house keys, and phone or anything that belongs to you

BTW we have a new AP starting tomorrow she's also been with a German family for 18months!!

Any way good Luck

Ameriscot2005 · 06/09/2005 13:09

I wasn't worried about the au pair stealing or vandalising our property. I'm was confident that she was very honest - the problem was that she just didn't like being an au pair and actually having to interact with the children.

HondaDream · 06/09/2005 13:39

I had to get rid of our Au pair for various reasons(not good) and I gave her 10 days notice, she had been with us for 9 months but I did pay her two weeks pay as I felt really guilty I also told her that she had to empty her room and she couldn't come back for anything, I know it was tough for her, but I had to put myself and my family first and I didn't want her coming back.

goldenoldie · 06/09/2005 17:20

Carly - if you tell her tonight I would not depend on her to work for the next couple of days. After all, what is to stop her abandoning the kids and just packing and going tomorrow while you are at work. Or working - badly - for the next couple of days and running up a huge overseas telephone bill, which you won't discover for some time.............

Original poster

CarlyP · 07/09/2005 07:24

Hi,

We told her last ngiht and she saeemed shocked. she asked if she could stay with us whilst the agency found her another family and i said no. she is working today as planned and then i am off tomorrow and friday.

ill let you knwo how it goes. ill be chacknig the phone bill on line tongiht. and definitely before i pay her money to her on friday.

OP posts:

dizzydo · 11/09/2005 13:30

CarlyP - Has she gone? How did it go?

Original poster

CarlyP · 13/09/2005 10:39

shes gone! yippeee!!!! she got in the car, i took her to airport and she said bye and thanks and that was it! so pleased to get my house back and now starting to deal with my toddlers sleeping problems that she has created. i.e. goes to bed (was always a1 perfect at bed time) now appears at the door or stair gate every 5 mins.

new nanny who is a uni student seems really great with both of them. heres hoping it goes well!

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