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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

What would you say?

16 replies

dizzydo · 04/09/2005 08:14

We have relatively new au-pair who is absolutely great except for one thing. The internet! We have always allowed AP's to use our computer because it is a link with home but in this case it is getting way out of hand. She has bought a headset for the PC so is now able to connect via the web to all her mates at home and she spends most of her time talking to BF playing games etc on line. I also know that when she is supposed to be working she is flitting on and off the computer having online chats every five minutes. This means the ironing gets done very slowly as the computer is in that room. I dont want to get heavy about it we have a very good relationship so far but it is really beginning to get on my neves. Last night I went to bed at 1.15am and she was still on the pc to BF having got on there at 10pm (and having been on it for several hours earlier on)

I know I have to have "the chat" but how to do it being diplomatic but firm too. I dont want to say she cant use it but this has got to STOP

OP posts:

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SherlockLGJ · 04/09/2005 08:16

Rather you than me.

I am sure someone with au-pair experience will be along soon.

tigermoth · 04/09/2005 08:22

can you move the computer to another room? either one that's very public, so she can't disappear off for a long PC session, or move it to your bedroom, so she has to ask permission before using it?

Have 'the chat' but start by saying you're rearranging the location of your PC ( make up any old reason why) and these are the new rules for using it.

Original poster

dizzydo · 04/09/2005 08:32

Sadly we dont have another room to move it into tigermoth or I would. Believe it or not we moved it down from the cubby hole in our attic room so the au-pair would be able to use it. But now we have all the broadband connections down here and it wouldnt be practical to move it back. The only other place it could go would be her room (a definite NO No) or dd's room, no good either.

I do understand that she is probably homesick but sitting on the PC all day is not helping her to settle in and I dont want to say you're not allowed to use it, (i couldnt enforce that anyway) due to its public location but I think her useage could be termed as "unreasonable"!!

OP posts:

tigermoth · 04/09/2005 08:42

hmm...that's more difficult, then. It might have to be 'a chat' with agreed times she can use the PC. But as you say, it's difficult to know how much she will use the PC when you are not there.

Could you say your computer seems to not be working properly - you know how to get it working safely, but it's quite complicated so only you and dh can use it. Then take the leads away. With apologies, give her a token for the nearest local internet cafe with info on local online centres and librearies where she can log in for free.

Original poster

dizzydo · 04/09/2005 08:47

Now there's an idea TM....

I might unplug internet box and take it to work with me. I could have "the chat" and threaten to do just that if it continues. Without internet she would have no wish to use it.

OP posts:

NannyL · 04/09/2005 09:19

I dont think its unreasonable to say no PC during working hours!

tigermoth · 04/09/2005 09:27

As she's a great in other ways and you know she is feeling homesick, you could be really nice about it... just any old excuse about the PC not working properly, hence you taking away the internet box, when you are not at home. Even if she doesn't believe you, it saves face and means you don't have to directly get heavy with her about her useage.

goldenoldie · 04/09/2005 11:41

We had the same problem and moved an old PC into au-pairs bedroom, and told her that all others were out of bounds. We also said no PC use during working hours.

If others are meant to share this PC you will have to limit PC use to no more than one/two hours a day in her own time. You will also need a cut off time to stop her being on it all night. How can she properly function the next day as your AP if she is on the internew half the night?

I expect she will be completely hacked off about this, especially if you said to her she had unlimited use when she arrived? Expect to see a face like a wet weekend on her for a while.

Don't be surprised if she agrees to the new rules, but just ignores them when you are not around. I suggest you check her online activity when you are not there/when she is supposed to be working. You can do this quite easily without buying any extra equipment - just ask someone who knows about computers to tell you how. But beware, you may discover a side to her you don't like - deceitful/underhand..............

Tigers suggestion is great - if you can disconnect when you are not at home on the basis of some excuse, this will take the choice out of her hands.

ThePrisoner · 04/09/2005 16:05

I bet the real reason you're upset is coz you can't use mumsnet when you want!

HeidiFinn · 08/09/2005 12:24

Hi...our au pair was hogging the computer as well, spending all evenings on chat lines and our computer being in our family room meant we never had any privacy in the evenings. so, after a week I told her that during the week she can use it after she has finished her work, for 2 hours, and I gave her the names & addresses of two internet cafes to use at weekends! of course there was an almighty sulk and she tries to ignore these times but I just tell her that I need to use it etc. My view is that the computer is personal (it has personal files, correspondence etc) so she can't use it like her own. there are internet cafes!

highlight · 08/09/2005 13:26

Both of our au pairs seem to be obsessed with the Internet, as DH and I both have laptops we have told her that she can use the kids computer in th eplayroom in the evenings(well away from usso no problem) but i had to have wors with last AP as she would stay online till 1am and then be miserable and snappy with the kids when she had to get up at 7! As for daytime use I can monitor it from home as DD uses Messenger on the computer and it automatically logs her in when the computer is on so I can tell from my contacts list if the kids computer is being used during the day. Ine big advantage to AP's usign headset on pc to talk to their friends it saves your phone bill!

Ameriscot2005 · 08/09/2005 14:02

I'd say no chatting during her working hours. You can monitor when she is on the computer via Google desktop.

If she is abusing the rules, put a password on your computer. You can also set up an account for her with limited features.

Ameriscot2005 · 08/09/2005 14:02

I think many Mumsnetters are guilty of this behaviour too

MizZan · 12/09/2005 14:42

this is interesting. we have an au pair starting next week and have a spare old laptop. we have wireless broadband so I was going to set it up in her room for her, now am thinking this may not be the greatest idea...knowing all too well the temptation to stay up all night surfing. maybe we'll limit it to weekends or something.

JELLYJELLY · 12/09/2005 15:55

I think it would be good to limit it to evenings and weekend and then they can still chat to home but not for long in the evenings after all the children in bed, chores etc.

Just my thought because my emails comes through everyday and wouldnt want to miss something important because i wasnt allowed to go online.

uwila · 12/09/2005 17:33

DH and I both have laptops as well. But, I will only provide a nanny/au pair with a desktop because I don't want the internet following her around the house all day. So if DD wants to play in the living room, the internet stays upstairs in nanny's room. This is not a problem with current nanny who would never ignore DD for an internet chat. But it was a problem with one of her predecessors. I used to take the wifi card to work with me after I discovered her saving borderline porn on MY laptop (which was when laptop use ended).

Also, I think that an au pair who is hanging on to her old life chatting over the computer rather than seeking a new one where lives now is a bad sign. You may want to encourage ger to settle in. Suggest some places to go? Find some other au pairs for her to meet up with? Maybe even take her to a movie yourself?

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