Hi I really need some advice from childminders/nannies

[lemonbergamot]

Hi

I'll apologise now for the length of this!
I am returning to work very gradually throughout November I will work a total of 6 days then return for 3 days a week from the beginning December (Mon, Tues, Thurs).

My DS will be 8 months when the return to work begins and 9 months when I return the full 3 days.

He is going to being cared for by my MIL, (I realise this is very lucky).
He is a happy, chirpy child. He rarely cries and is easily calmed. He eats a wide range of purees and finger foods and will drink water and expressed milk from a cup.

My DS is breastfed and fed to sleep very easily from as soon as he was born so this has always worked for some naps and bedtime, (my MIL opposed me breastfeeding and wanted DS to be bottle fed so other people could feed him too, she also wanted me to give him a dummy).

He now has 2 long (1 hour) or 3 short (30-45min) naps per day.
He will sleep easily:-
In the car
Whilst walking in a buggy
In buggy being rocked
On me after being fed

This is no problem for me as the naps frequently just happen as we go about our day.
He won't sleep if I put him in the cot and pat/stroke/leave- return etc

At night time we have a bedtime routine which consists of:-
Sleeping bag
Curtains closed
Mobile on
Short story
Breastfeed with cuddly toy to hold (hoping to turn into comforter)

Passed to Dad awake but dozy, who rocks then puts down and strokes to sleep.
His Dad has only been doing this for a couple weeks, but we are doing it to break the breastfeed to sleep association.

MIL has asked if she can put him in the cot to sleep (she bought it before he was born). I don't know if I should encourage this or not and feel very guilty that I have a baby that can't be just put down to sleep. However, he is so secure and happy I don't want to cause him any extra anxiety whilst settling in.

1. Is it too much to ask of someone to take baby for a walk/rock in buggy for naps 2/3 times per day. Realise the weather may be bad

1. Should he settle in first and then practise sleeping in the cot at her house

1. Should he practise sleeping in the cot form the beginning as he has no sleep associations at her house

1. Should I be trying to put him down without BF- tried today for 70 minutes before giving up....and he can smell my milk

Would really welcome some advice as feeling like I've failed and let my baby down.

Children behave differently in the care of other people. You may find your DS happily goes to sleep in the cot at MIL's home... but not at your home. You may find that your DS follows routines at your home... but not when in care of someone else.

1. Your MIL isn't your employee (I assume you are not paying them) so can't really be told what to do. As a parent herself she will know that babies tend to sleep if put in the pram, so if he does not settle in the cot, she may well take him out for a stroll.

1. Children adapt in time... I find it easier doing it "in at the deep end" style. Has he never been to MIL's home before? If not, then pop over for coffee perhaps.

1. Yes, I think that would be good thing to do. MIL may well find that he settles in a cot at her house without any trouble.

1. Do what makes you and him happy.

Remember that babies also adapt between Bottle and BF. So no major issues with MIL using a bottle and you using BF.

If I read this correctly, your baby is presently 6 months old. Which means that you're doing really well to have such a regular pattern and happy child.

They change so very quickly at this age that I would not worry about this until much closer to the time when it will really matter. What seems really difficult now might well have resolved naturally in two/three months' time.

Perhaps consider bringing in a bottle, or we're introducing a sippy cup (our DD is also 6 months) as DD has never 'done' bottles - she seems to be fine with it, you just need to offer milk more often than with bottle feeding.

Don't 'force' the cot thing yet, just pop him down in the cot occasionally if he's very tired when you're over to visit your MIL and get him up if he cries. You could also try the occasonal cot sleep at your own home. What was unacceptable to him a week ago might well now be ok! Or be ok in a couple of weeks' time etc...

Hi

Thanks for your replies. Feeling a bit calmer about it all. DS is 6 months and also didn't get on with bottles but will drink from a sippy cup.

I see my MIL once a week, (at either house), and leave him alone with her for a while each time. This time will increase so they should get used to each other before I go back to work.

Practising naps at her house could be difficult as she is very intense with him and he gets a bit overstimulated....last week he screamed the whole way home. Am a bit worried about this but think will resolve as when she has him 3 days a week she'll be less excited to see him and he can crawl away! That said he may need more entertainment by then...what do I know!

I spoke to her yesterday about the nap thing and we've decided that she'll try the cot but won't leave him to cry

Hi Lemonbergamot

Its wonderful that you have a baby that is doing so well.

How do you feel about leaving your baby to go back to work?

I remember having to go back to work and leaving my then first baby with a friend. I knew he was alright but I missed him at first. I now have four children.

Baby will adapt quite quickly to the new routine. MIL will perhaps do things a lot differently to yourself. Its great that you can have MIL to look after your baby. Your baby seems to be in a caring and loving family!

I am glad you are calmer now. Everything will be okay. You enjoy your baby, your be amazed how quickly babies grow and develop. My baby is 6 now!!

All the best

hello

my daughter is 11 months and I have just returned the work a month ago leaving her with a nanny two days a week.

the biggest concern I had was how on earth she would sleep without being breastfed to sleep and I was very very anxious the first time I left her over a nap time.

not only do I breast feed her to sleep but was also co-sleep so she sleeps in her bed but my OH was very uncomforable with the idea of the nanny being in our room on our bed so we decided that the nanny should try to get her to sleep in her cot in her room.

anyway...I am DELIGHTED to say that it has gone like a dream much to my great surprise! the nanny holds her while she has her dummy and drifts off to sleep then she puts her into her cot and thats it. I can't believe it because ther is no way on earth this would work if I did it.

so I reckon that your little one will be just fine :-)