How to be nice to your nanny?

[WhatTheWhat]

We're just about to take on a nanny for the first time (we're interviewing, so haven't yet selected one).
I wonder if any nannies or nanny-employers out there have any good tips for making sure your nanny is happy and stays with you.
We're really keen for our nanny to stay with us until our child goes to school - ie at least 3 years.
We've considered things like offering a pay rise or more holiday allowance after an initial settling in period. Are these things good?
What is the recipe for a happy nanny?
[PS - we're going to pay a good salary, so that will hopefully help! Actually, it would be great to hear what would be considered good for the South West... check we have got it right!]

TRY and not come home late, if you do then dont ring and say 'im late, can you stay later?' as it is a silly question, coz the nanny HAS to stay later whether she wants to or not, she can hardly say no and leave your children home alone - in fact in an ex job i said no i couldnt stay late as was going to the cinema,mb was oh right, well i cant get home so you have to - so turns out i didnt have a choice as i cant leave the children home alone (so why ask me if i can/mind)

obv there are times when trains run late/you miss the trian/work is manic etc, nannys are generally happy to stay late but its good to say sorry

if you are due home at say 7pm and means you must be on the train at 6pm again dont ring at 6.30 and say you are still in the office

NEVER undermind the nanny, ALWAYS back her up (or him in nn case)

ALWAYS pay on time

most plder/exp nannys dont like being micro managed

if you are leaving your nanny in charge of your child, then TRUST them and their decisions (tho obv sometimes trust needs to be proved)

in general, try and treat your nanny (employee) how you would want to be treated at work by your employer

yes flowers/bottles of wine/extra holiday etc goes down well but tbh a thank you at the end of the day is just as good

to know that you are appreicated in your job goes a long way

I don't have a nanny but I know many people who do. The one thing that regularly strikes me is how patronising people can be to their nannies. it's clear they don't mean it, but nonetheless, this is the person you have employed to look after your precious child/children, why would you speak to him/her in a way that implies he/she is an idiot?

I think treating them like any other employee in terms of tone and style (assuming you're a good boss in the office! ) would be key. Advance warning of extra work, support when things are going badly, paying on time, raises and bonuses as appropriate etc etc.

We have just given our nanny a bonus on the successful completion of her probationary period

We also let her go early when we can and also given her an extra, paid day off after she had done something brill

We look after her as much as we can

Agree with the being late - if you have to be just say you are and don't pretend the nanny has a choice. But then if you do, try to get home earlier the next night or offer him/her the choice of which evening you could get home earlier so they don't feel like you are taking the piss and did actually appreciate them staying late.

Don't micromanage. My nanny did a daily diary entry of what they had done so I knew, but I didn't ask more than that unless something particularly interested me. I asked her to verbally raise any issues or concerns at the end of the day, otherwise I would just assume all was fine.

Be appreciative - always smile, thank you and a few mins chat, however shit your day has been. And get your child to say a proper thank you and goodbye as well.

For me (I like to think I have a good relationship with my nanny)

1. Don't expect her to do anything outside of her duties.
2. If you are late, apologise and explain
3. If you are running early, let her go early
4. Try and work out hours together (I dont work, so we agree hours that work for us both)
5. Trust her. (this possibly should be No. 1). If you trust her enough to leave your kids with her, trust her that she will feed them, take care of them, protect them. Obviously, give her advice (my son is a bit of a bolter and we've talked about that) but I trust her to deal with him.

in short i would say trust,respect and appretiate the nanny in a way that she knows you do.

Buy her a nice gym membership. I don't pay huge amounts (becaues I can't, not because I wouldn't if I could) but the comment I have heard most from them after they left was how much they liked the gym and how much they miss it. This works for me because since the the membership is required to carry out her duties (i.e. take kids to their activities) it is not taxable.

Oh, if you ever require her to do something outside of her contractual duties/hours don't just give her advance notice, ask her if she wants to do the extra work and make it very clear that she is absolutely free to turn you down.

if late - I think they should be paid for that
maybe think about an agreed amount

my friend who is a nanny hated in her previous emplyers that when there was something nice to say - mother was doing it

when bad - father would deal with it

mother delaed with nanny 90% of the tiem and sending her husband to do the dirty work was strange

Say thank you.
Don't make your nanny do something you would not expect any other employee to do (outside of the child realm of course).
Do not leave a mess lying around for the nanny to clean up.
Do not come home late.
Pay on time (nannies have bills to).
Do not undermine the nanny. Especially in front of the children.
Trust her/him.
Do not expect the nanny to look after your relatives or friends children without extra pay etc.
Say thank you. It may be a job and theyu may be your employee but all in all it is crap job

Do you really think it is a crap job?!

Our nanny has been with us nearly 4 years now - we all love her and think she's happy being with a family that really appreciates her.

I'd agree with all of the above PLUS treat your nanny as a friend and fellow human, rather than an employee, most of the time - talk to her about her plans for the weekend, how her family is, make her tea if you're making a hot drink etc. And show her your appreciation for helping out with things - a thank you goes a long way. Every anniversary of her starting to work for us we give her flowers and a thank you note from us. We have a pay review every January - not always the biggest pay rise but she stays with us because she's happy I like to think.

Let her use her own initiative with your kids and see them flourish under her attention.

Its not a crap job - its a bloody hard job though...

I meant, You do a lot of crap work for very little thanks.
Should not MN while making dinner and attempting to make paper mache.
The job can be crap though. You never advance career wise, you are always a nanny, your job is seen as servant by some.

I was an au pair a very long time ago and was worked pretty hard for no thanks, so I hope I will empathise and not make that mistake!

The anniversary idea is really great - will mke a note of it. I really doubt that this is something that a lot of people would do!

My work is pretty good about childcare, so it's rare I would HAVE to be late, but I will often be home early and would definitely let her go off early in that case.
Noted re the husband thing - I bet that's an easy trap to fall into.

The bonus idea is good as, for my part, I always prefer to get a lump-sum of extra cash rather than a drip-feed.

Thanks for the tips.

Now - someone - please let me in on what would be considered: (1) normal; (2) good; or(3) brilliant, nanny salary for the South West (Bristol).

Hi WhatTheWhat, if she/he is a live in Nanny in Bristol (5 days say 7am-7pm), a really good salary seems to be around the £325-350 (net) for live-in, obviously if more children/duties, then slightly higher... If live out, expect to pay £50-100 or so net on top of that. :)

An example of a Bristol Job pay scale:
www.tinies.com/childcarers/childcare-jobs/client/nanny-devon-92947.html

(P.S, good luck with your nanny, i'm from the south west too, well 5miles from St.Ives!) :D x

That's good - about £9 net per hour right - assuming 50 hours per week? We're thinking around that mark, possibly slightly more if we can get a really good nanny.

I'd go along with what everyone has said so far.

Don't be late, unless unavoidable. Text or phone to say you'll be late and apologise when you get in. Offer to pay overtime for the extra time worked. If you're treating your nanny well he/she'll say 'no, it's ok'.

Always say 'thank you', it goes a really long way.

Be as generous as you can with wages/holidays.

Remember that the end time on the nanny's contract is the time she leaves, not the time you get in. If you want time to chat at the end of the day (a good idea), get in 10-15 mins before she is due to leave. Same goes for the morning.

Don't micro-manage, but at the same time make it clear at the outset what you require - she can't do her job properly if she doesn't know what you want.

If she asks for stuff for the children, or to take them somewhere, or have people over for a playdate agree wherever reasonable (ime being laid back about this sort of stuff earns big brownie points).

If she is off sick try and be concerned and say 'hope you feel better soon'. not 'well what am i supposed to do? I've got to go to work!' (a friend of mine had this a couple of times with her boss!)

Keep the lines of communication open so if she does have a concern/problem then she can tell you straight away and you can sort it out together. An annual review is a good idea.

I think having a really good contract in place at the start is essential, so everyone knows exactly what they need to be doing to help the other person. Also if you're very keen on them staying ask at the interview somthing along the lines of 'what are your plans for the future/next 5 years etc?'. Don't want to take someone on only to find they're planning to go travelling in 18 months time!

I've been in my job for 2 years and have every intention of staying until the youngest is at full-time school (another 2 years at least).

I'm in London, but I'd say the normal/good wage here is 10pph net.

Oh and I love my job! It is hard, but you could be working in a factory for minimum wage so it's hardly 'a crap job'!

Don't lord it when you've got company. Two women I worked for were my best friends in private, one of them especially so, I'm godmother to her daughter. But as soon as other people came onto the scene she turned on me and started ordering me around, making me do menial stuff that wasn't my job just so that they could show everyone they had 'staff' . So treat them the same whether you're in private or in public. I didn't appreciate the two faced-ness.

Normal nanny wages in Bristol is about £8-£9 gross an hour. I have a friend who's on £10 gross an hour and I consider that pretty good - more would be brilliant.

Hard work but rewarding and certainly not a crap job if you get good employers.

If you consider it a crap job then you are in the wrong profession

An experienced nanny appreciates an employer who treats her/him with respect. After all they have usually done lots of training and have a wealth of experience to offer you and your child

Work together with your nanny in the interest of the child but don't be to controlling. most nannies worth their salt have a very good idea how to provide play, outings ect. and how to socialise their young charges: playdates, toddler groups visits to the park and library. They should be able to cook for the child and take care of it's emotional and physical needs.

I'm happy for parents to tell me if they have other ideas so long as they don't undermine me in front of the child.

Goodluck with your new nanny hope everything works out.

rockbird! I cannot imagine behaving that way. How hilariously Hyacinth Bucket!

Interesting re the Bristol pay MoonUnit. I think we'll stick to what we're planning (ie £9 ish net ph) on the basis that we'd like to get someone really good who will stick around.

Apparently nanny-poaching is all the rage around here. It's a whole new world!

It was completely Hyacinth Bucket now you mention it :o

One of them was great. Handed me her 1 day old son as soon as she was through the door from the hospital, told me she was going for a long bath and she was not to be disturbed. Three hours till I saw her next, I had never looked after a newborn and had to muddle though making up formula. I brought him up pretty much single handed for the first year of his life but when her friends came round she was supermummy, bouncing him on her knee and telling them how much she loved her life with him. Then they got him christened one weekend and didn't tell me till after. I left... and had my other mindees as bridesmaids at my wedding, she didn't get an invite and was seriously pissed off. Mwah hahahaha! :o

So dont do those things!

WhatTheWhat - I'd pay gross rather than net, much simpler for everyone. Most nannies I know in Bristol seem to have gross in their contracts now, whereas in London everyone still talks in net (because higher wages = more cash in hand arrangements maybe?).