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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

nannies advice please on how best to stop my nanny's current bad habits?

37 replies

mrsshackleton · 04/09/2010 21:32

We've had a new nanny for five weeks, since the beginning of the school holidays. Everything's been basically OK, but I have various reservations about her. The main one is that my dds seem to like her but say that's because she is "always giving them treats" and "takes them to McDonalds"

I don't mind occasional treats and once or twice yearly trips to Mds and I said she could take them there once when she asked but today they tellling me they go almost every day with her. She is not good at cooking I've realised and I'm pretty sure she takes them to Mds for lunch as that's what she wants to eat and buys them an ice cream or whatever while they sit there.

I also get the impression from dds' recent behaviour that she's in the habit of doling out sweets and biscuits all day whenever they ask, as they've now started to whinge constantly about being hungry, obviously expecting a treat straight away.

Anyway, my question is how to tackle this with our nanny? I'm nervous because to her it's clearly fine to eat in Mds every day/stuff children with sweeties and I dont' want to be seen as criticising her lifestyle. How would all you lovely nannies out there suggest I word it? Thank you

OP posts:

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booyhoo · 04/09/2010 21:34

you have to tell her straight that hey are to have lunch at home and that sweets are not part of their normal diet and you don't want them having them unless for a birthday, say out, special occasion etc.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/09/2010 21:45

take away the kitty

seriously tell her, tbh any nanny who goes to maccy d's more than once a week month year has serious issues!!

did you not discuss menu/meals at interview - what did you say to her/what did she reply

can you give her some simple recipes to follow

could it be that your children are trying it on and actually she has only been once/twice

chitchat07 · 04/09/2010 22:01

Ask to see a menu in advance for the following week, and a food diary.

You need to discuss how and when treats are given.

But all of this can be done as an overall discussion. You need to go through EVERYTHING, outings, discipline, nursery duties, all of it. I assume you are still in a probation period so discuss it as part of that.

nannynick · 04/09/2010 22:24

Have you had a review yet? Good time to have one.

Try to start with a positive and end with a positive. The middle can be things you are not so happy about... such as MacD's.

Generally people like to hear about what they do well... they don't like to hear what they do badly though do need to hear it, else they can't improve.

You seem to have already identified where part of the problem is... that your nanny can't/won't cook. So perhaps try suggesting easy things to do... carrot and cucumber sticks don't need any cooking and both travel quite well so can be used as a snack whilst on an outing.

nannynick · 04/09/2010 22:30

Children's food I feel is all about getting the balance right. Children can go through fussy phases and one week may happily eat a certain food and refuse it the next week.

It's been the school holidays, it's been summer... so Icecreams are an expected treat I feel. Though I've certainly denied the children I care for an icecream at times... but they did have icecream on a couple of occasions this week. Your nanny may be finding it hard to say No to requests from your DD's so do make it clear that even if a DD demands to have something, that does not mean they get it.

nannynick · 04/09/2010 22:43

Is this the young grandmother? Just wondering if part of the problem is that she may be older than you, thus you feel it's harder to raise things you don't like.
She's taken the job so must respect that she has an employer who can tell her what to do. She may not like being told what to do - doubt any of us like it - but there are times when it may be necessary. At this point a chat about how things are going and you telling her you don't want your DDs to go to MacDs and don't want them having too many sweet snacks during the day, may be enough to prompt her to change her style to suit your requirements.

It is hard... but as a nanny I would far rather my boss told me I was doing something she didn't want me to do... than for her to keep quiet and just let things go on. So do raise the issues as soon as you can... combining with a review may work quite well as you can then discuss positive things as well as negative.

Just13moreyearstogo · 04/09/2010 22:50

I haven't had a nanny but I'd have assumed that a fundamental part of the job would be to be able to make basic meals for children. I don't see how you can work as a nanny if you can't do this. I wouldn't tiptoe around the issue - you don't want your children eating rubbish every day and your're the employer - it's your call.

FetchezLaVache · 04/09/2010 23:42

If you don't want to get too confrontational, why not approach it something like, "Sorry if I didn't make myself clear the other day when I said you could take the DCs to McDs, I meant that day only, we prefer to keep that sort of lunch as an occasional treat only and not for every day" etc, then generally lead into what you expect her to give the kids for lunch.

blueshoes · 05/09/2010 00:02

Just13, agree it is a fundamental part of the job of a nanny. A typical interview question should be: "give an example of a meal you would prepare for the children".

PinkCanary · 05/09/2010 00:29

I have no experience with nannies but as a Childminder I get my mindees involved with making their own lunch. We even attend a pre schoolers cookery club which gets them more excited than the regular playgroups. Perhaps encouraging your nanny to make simple meals that the children can be involved in could help both her and you.

majafa · 05/09/2010 08:48

How about buying a Simple/Kids cookery book for her.
and suggest she tries some of the recipes with the children.
I have Marks and Spencer Cookery for kids that i use for my boys and the children I mind.

rubyslippers · 05/09/2010 08:54

I leave my nanny a food plan for each day for each child

She either has to cook or warm something i have left

They have a treat meal every so often (fish and chips) but generally they eat at home or take a packed lunch if they are out and about

Treats are limited and snacks are also written down

It's not criticising - you are her employer and it is part of her job to feed your children in the best way possible

I discussed this with my nanny before she started as it is important

StarExpat · 05/09/2010 09:26

I send all food for ds to my cm and have said what I am happy/not happy for him to have for other snacks that she may give ... And she 100% respects my wishes and agrees that a healthy diet is essential. And she's my cm... So technicAlly she could say "no, I give x for snacks. Take it or leave it". With a nanny, you are get employer. Whatever you say, goes.
McDs and sweets daily is just silly. It's common sense. I agree, have a review like NN said.

nbee84 · 05/09/2010 09:28

Ruby - do you have a very young nanny? Or inexperienced? In those cases what you do is good and helpful to the nanny to learn about good nutrition etc. To be honest with you though, it is the sort of micro managed job that I (and I suspect lots of others) would run a mile from!

StarExpat · 05/09/2010 09:33

Lol I'd be the same as ruby and I think it would take ms a good while to find a good fit if I was looking for a nanny. Fortunately, I can't afford it

Original poster

mrsshackleton · 05/09/2010 09:56

Thanks everyone

We did discuss food at interview of course, and she made all the right noises but it's easy to make the right noises

They don't have whole meals at Mds but she eats there and gives them ice creams etc to keep them happy while she's enjoying her lunch. I think a relation gives her vouchers so she gets it free, hence her keeneess to go and the vouchers pay for dds'treats so it's not a kitty issue.I have drawn up a meal plan for every day, I don't like having to micromanage but I fear it's necessary.

Agree with NN a review is good - we've had five weeks over holidays, term begins next week so it's a good time to go over the pros and cons on both sides.

OP posts:

Dinghy · 05/09/2010 10:01

I would tell her that, as a family, you're going on a healthy eating drive and so McDonald's is banned, and you don't want her even taking the dds in there. If she's that desperate for a Mcburger she can stop for one on her way home.

rubyslippers · 05/09/2010 10:12

She is young and new to being a nanny

We will drop them in due course when she feels more confident and she can cook more!

She is getting better all the time but it was helpful for both of us

blueshoes · 05/09/2010 10:15

Since the summer is over, the children are going back to school, it is a good watershed to lay the ground rules for food. I go a bit lax on holidays re: treats but will try to claw back during term time. You can use that as a gentle reason to speak to her.

Are both dds in school? If so, then Iunch will no longer be an issue, I assume, since they will eat at school.

Agree with Dinghy she can always get a McDs on her way back. She should not expect to be able to eat at McDs everyday - she is at work!

nannynick · 05/09/2010 10:18

Is it the place they are going to, or that the treat is airy icecream. That icecream is probably close to 50% air - Technical details about the icecream liquid - so is probably less icecream than having one of those small tubs.
Mind you I think the small tubs produced by small local dairies may be better quality... though possibly more fattening (though children do need fat and calcium to grow).

Now it's getting colder, icecream won't be such an appeal... though perhaps you do need to decide if you want your children to be visiting MacDs or not. Some parents don't want their children going there ever... some will permit it on occasion... whereas others won't mind them going regularly. I expect you are in the occasional camp but your nanny is in the regular camp.

Why is nanny not having lunch at your home, or taking a picnic lunch for her and your children? Micromanaging meal plans may be needed for a while, so she gets to know what sort of food you want her to make for your children.

nannynick · 05/09/2010 10:23

We all probably get a bit lax over the summer holidays (the children I care for have certainly been having more icecream than would be usual). So as others are saying... it's a good time to implement a few changes.

It's back to the term-time routine as well, so much easier to arrange the routine such that children get a hot lunch at home a few times a week, perhaps a lunch out a couple of days a week.

karen2010 · 05/09/2010 10:27

remember to tell her that you like your kids to see a adult eating with them so they learn manners etc
so what she feeds the kids she eats as well

surpriseme · 05/09/2010 11:42

So she is going there for her lunch and the kids just have to sit and wait for her while having an ice cream? I actually think thats really bad.She should leave her mcd trips to the wkend.Do you provide food that the nanny can eat at your house or does she have to provide her own?
I would actually just state that you would prefer that the kids werent in mcds on a regular basis and you dont mind once a mth or so as a treat but that you prefer them to either eat at home or in a cafe/restaurant that serves healthy food.Also say you dont mind the occassional treats i.e sweets/ice cream but they are just that-treats.They stop being a treat when they have them daily.Say that on a daily basis they should have fruit etc as a snack but you dont mind the very occassional treat-i.e ice cream on a warm day etc

mamatomany · 05/09/2010 11:50

Do you not provide lunch at your house for her ?
We always said help yourself to stuff to make a sandwich or bring your own food and keep it in our fridge so there was no excuse for popping to macdonalds just because it's free,

Original poster

mrsshackleton · 05/09/2010 12:03

I've told her to help herself to food for lunch but she doesn't ... Basically I think she loves eating junk. She does make sandwiches for the dds when they go out which has been most days during the holidays.

I agree, dragging dds into Mds because she wants to eat isn't good - the problem is bringing it up gently because I don't want it to look like the dds are telling tales on her because they're not, they're just telling me what goes on! Dd1 will be having lunch at school next term but dd2 is at nursery so I am going to have to clamp down hard on she must come home for lunch. Totally agree with good advice on it being a new term, so a new start and I will say I've been too lax over the holidays and want an end to it now.

OP posts:

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